WRITTEN IN STONE BY
the close friendship between Jack and Daniel.
Tangent Related. Also references to Stargate the
Movie, The Gameskeeper and Forever in a Day.
on the personal cost of his journey and learns
an important self-truth.
Originally posted to the net 11 Nov 01.
Notes: This was originally
written several months ago as an exercise in grief.
I lost a faithful friend of the four-legged variety
and his death left me needing to express what I
felt in some fashion. This piece remains, as it
was then, a little something for my dear boy.
I miss him still.
be there in just a minute, okay? Okay, sweetie?
made in an instant just as quickly turned into a lie. One
moment, a second spanning the rest of my eternity my innocence,
my trust, my certainty sealed beneath the capstone of fate.
coming between us, forever barring me from what I hold most
dear. Too young to have to know this pain, barely able to
understand the stone's hard truth, too bereft to forgive
the inadvertent cruelty of the oath-breakers. They rest
beneath it, forever lost to me, sleeping in the sepulcher
of their futile good intentions, the stone that took them
and keeps them my only solace, comfort and source of answers.
or not, life goes on and so did I. Struggling to survive,
to understand, to do for others what I could not do for them.
To make a difference. Seeking to reclaim what the first
had taken from me brought me to the second stone.
Another puzzle, an ancient enigma, a mute and mocking
monument that spoke to only me. It held the next portion of my
damnation. My fate proscribed within an ancient riddle and
me to solve it, to use it, to tread the siren path of wonder
paved with tears.
a portal to another world - and her.
love you, Danyiel.
instant, equally horrible in its hopelessness the quest,
the faith, the promise turns to ashes as the life in her
eyes fades. Forever. For one precious, tremulous instant
she tastes true freedom again, says those words, so kind,
like knives rending through me, shearing soul deep, and then
she too passes from me. Right before my eyes. Once again
all I know is loss and lies, the ones the ring whispered
to me, the ones I told her.
I have become what the child accused.
to her, broke all my promises. Didn't keep her, didn't protect
her, didn't save her. Found her, yes, I found her, but I
didn't - didn't make a difference. Not to her. I couldn't
keep her from the fate that claimed her, or escape the cold,
consuming truth in its heartless, devouring judgment.
her soul is light and clear. Worthy. But mine...
me with her last breath, but she shouldn't. Tries to
breathe her love into my heart when she should sear it with
her contempt. I am not worth what she has suffered. The
price she paid so I might continue.
To do - what?
goes on, and so must I. Without the one who gave it meaning,
shape and form - the one I did all of it for. Why
am I here - what do I serve - what's the point if all the
circle does is bring me back to this?
loss, failure, bereavement. Striving to achieve only my emotional
triumphant moment changing everything I thought I knew and
understood. Before my joyous eyes life is affirmed, hope
fulfilled, faith confirmed, death's certainty cheated. The
proof smiles up at me, blazing in eyes so dear, dark fire
warming my soul and sparking anew the almost extinguished
conviction there is a point to striving. To believing.
turns, spoked with past loss and suffering but pain does
not define the totality of its circumference. Nor is the
inevitability of loss its ultimate truth or lesson. There
is more, so much more - not everything it has brought me
to has been a lie. Or a futile waste of effort. Not worthy
of what has been sacrificed to sustain it.
than I am. Or love...is.
the circle of my life has come back to him. Giving, not taking,
giving him back to me. Restoring me to myself as I take
him by the hand. I look deep into the mirror of my soul and
I see. I begin to understand. What I have been seeking
has been right beside me all this time. Not out there in the
stars, beyond my grasp, not locked in the granite enigma
that blighted my past, not entombed in the sand on a distant
world where I thought I buried my heart forever.
all there, standing right in front of me, with sparkling
brown eyes and a shit-eating grin.
in plan sight. Well, what do you know about that?
goes on. So will we.