STRANGE DAYS BY PHOENIX
Daniel involved in a loving and committed relationship, which usually involves
Relationship, Humour, Angst, Romance
Spoilers for Ascension, Story
4 in the 'Holiday Follies' Series
to be 'one of the boys.'
for Sam or pizza fans. anti s/j
|| 122 Kb
Completed 15 July 06. Notes: Okay, I know
this is part of the Holiday Follies series, but it's
not a holiday fic, per se, although one is
mentioned. I couldn't find one to fit the
scenario. I'm sorry. I'll try harder next
time. Hey, it's my series, I can bend the rules
if I want to! Also, this may be turning into an
AU (or should that be AR) series, mainly because
I'll be kinda picking and choosing and adjusting
the various canon elements I need for each story
as it moves into season eight. Some things that
happened at the end of season seven, going into
season eight I'm not nuts about (like Janet dying)
and I refuse to recognize them. But for now, for
this one, nothing has diverged significantly from
canon yet. Oh, and thanks very much to my list
sibs on the alpha gate for providing me with the
toppings for Sam's pizza! Hope you enjoy the results!
long, so thick, so chocolaty…
Um - focus, Daniel, focus!
You had a lovely weekend, wonderfully exciting,
but it’s over and now it’s back to work.
We’re not going to be going off-world for the next
three days; there’s no excuse for not bucking down and
tackling this backlog of…stuff, so get your mind off
other…stuff, and get down…to it.
help it, images of Jack in all his priapic, chocolate-covered
to concentrate as long as I keep remembering how incredible he
is when he’s…. hard.
With a sigh
I resolutely push aside images of chocolate phalluses dancing
through my head, reluctantly reaching for the first folder
from atop the precariously leaning stack of same currently
taxing my groaning inbox.
barely cracked my chosen victim open when Sam comes strolling
into my office. What
is she doing here, it’s only just turned nine AM – excuse
me, make that oh nine hundred hours; if she drops in at all,
which to be honest, lately, is practically never, it’s
certainly not this early in the
extremely cheerful. Almost
excessively so. Should I be
Daniel,” she greets me, perching her hip on a corner of my
desk. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
What? What’s she talking about?
she supplies, her eyes raking over the objects on my desk like
she’s looking for something.
“The colonel said you left early because you
weren’t feeling well. I’m glad
to see you’re over it,” she smiles, finally looking at
that,” I shrug. “It must have been something I ate.”
couldn’t have been the company,” she grins again.
what the heck is going on here; no matter what she’s saying
Sam didn’t stop by to inquire after my health. She’s known
about my supposed malady since yesterday: if she was that
‘concerned’ she’d have phoned to check up on me, which
she didn’t, so that’s not it, and like I said before
it’s not like she makes a habit, especially lately, of
dropping by just to shoot the breeze, or whatever.
than the perpetual quest for Jack there’s not much that can
tear her away from the various assorted and sundry esoteric
off-world technological mysteries her lab is fairly burgeoning
with. Sam never
abandons her post and shoots my way these days unless there is
something very specific on her mind.
what it could possibly be…that’s what’s got me…concerned.
the phone just a minute, Daniel, you’re not being fair to
Sam, sure, okay, maybe that’s the way it’s been for the
past…oh wow, quite a long time, now, actually, come to think
of it, but anyway, give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe,
just maybe she doesn’t have an ulterior motive, maybe she
really did just stop by to see me. Sure, it hasn’t happened a lot recently,
but that doesn’t mean that maybe Sunday made her realize
we haven’t exactly been…close…lately and she’s decided
to do something about it, mend a few fences, rebuild some
bridges, make a fresh start.
could be what’s going on here.
Let’s just hear her out and hope for the best.
“So, Daniel,” she ventures
casually, swinging her leg for just the right ‘I didn’t
really come here with the specific intention of picking
your brains, I was just passing by and as long as I’m here
I thought I’d ask’, effect.
spend a lot of time with the colonel, right?”
here we go. So much for that idea.
Hoping I was wrong, but, of course…
Oh Sam, it
never used to be like this.
We spent a lot of time together, hanging out, doing
lunch, loitering around each other’s offices for hours,
talking about all sorts of stuff, even things that had
absolutely nothing to do with Jack. Whatever happened to just, talking,
and being together, simply because we enjoyed each other’s
company, not because one of us, usually you, had an agenda?
Once upon a
time I was your friend, not simply a means to your ends.
I miss that
Sam, I miss her a lot, actually, but right now she’s not
here and I have to deal with the Sam I have.
I casually return, looking back down at the folder splayed out
on my desk. As much
as I was previously procrastinating about diving into my
work right now I’d give anything to be knee-deep in translations
as opposed to having this conversation.
she picks up my pen and starts examining it.
“What do you guys do?”
bunnies? As often as we
can? Take one colonel twice before
bedtime, repeat frequently, and don’t call me in the morning?
what’s your problem, you asked!
can’t say that to her. I’d
love to, but I can’t.
don’t know,” I shrug and reclaim my pen.
Hey, it’s mine, call me petty if you will but I have
a real problem with people messing with my…stuff.
She wants a
pen to play with she can find her own.
I toss off with a casual wave.
she leans forward, prompting.
hang out,” I shrug again, desperately casting about for ways
to answer the question without being too specific. Or making things sound too interesting,
because I’m getting those creepy vibes again.
what?” she presses.
I’m going to have to get more specific;
she’s not gonna let this go.
dunno, we order a pizza, drink some beer, watch the game or a
movie or whatever, sit around, burp, grunt, fart, scratch our
balls,” I rattle off, trying to make things sound as mundane
as possible. “Nothing
special. You know, guy stuff,”
I finish casually.
you’d be interested in.
she says brightly, pushing herself off my desk.
“Thanks Daniel!” she beams.
“I’ll see you later!”
off, striding briskly out of my office, a considerable spring
in her step.
what just happened here and why am I desperately hoping her
parting remark was simply a figure of speech…
something else she’s figuring.
honey, I’m home,” I jokingly call out to Jack after I
close the front door and drop my brief case beside it.
‘sweetheart’,” Jack bellows back at me from the kitchen. “You’d better have remembered the Tabasco
sauce or you can just turn around, get your ass out the
door and go get it.”
ain’t it grand?
got it,” I holler back at him, fishing the plastic bag
containing said requested condiment out of my coat pocket
while en route to the kitchen. “I had
to go out of my way to get this, I’ll have you know, not
that you give a damn. And as long
as I’m bitching, I don’t see why the responsibility for
procuring this fell upon my shoulders, I don’t need
it, I’m not cooking. Why didn’t
you pick it up yourself, you lazy bastard?”
chopping as I spoon up behind him, wrap my arms around him and
plant a kiss on the side of his neck.
if you plan on eating tonight,” he mildly returns.
“And as to why I didn’t get it, well, I forgot,”
he cheerfully admits. “By
the time I remembered we were out I was already here. Besides, fetching and carrying, that’s
what I’ve got you for.”
here’s me thinking the only reason you keep me around was
for the hot sex.”
there’s that, too,” Jack chuckles, twisting around in my
embrace to wrap his arms around my waist.
“Gimme,” he growls.
lustful gleam in his eye I don’t think he’s talking about
the Tabasco sauce.
pleasure,” I manage to get out before Jack’s mouth clamps
me hungrily, like he hasn’t seen me for a week, even though
it’s only been a few hours since the last time we…kissed,
but I’m having no problems with the fervor of his greeting. In fact it gets much more avid there
won’t be much cooking happening in either one of our immediate
futures, at least not in the kitchen –
“Yoo hoo!” A bright female voice sounds from the
front hall. “The door was open,
Sir, I hope you don’t mind I let myself in!”
“Shit!” Jack and I yelp simultaneously, springing
apart like scalded, spooked cats, flushed and hyperventilating
with shock as the unexpected interloper rounds the corner.
guys!” Sam cheerily greets us,
teeth flashing in a face splitting grin.
She sallies bravely forward, apparently oblivious to
the fact we’re both red-faced, panting and more than a
is, if she’s noticed she’s not saying.
“Carter?” Jack croaks, watching wide-eyed and
horrified while Sam proudly sets what looks suspiciously
like a large pizza box and a case of beer on the dining
room table. “Um…what?”
Oh, God. I know. Just
as I suspected, Sam’s visit this morning wasn’t social. It was reconnaissance.
the schmuck who gave her the intel.
Ooooh boy. Jack is gonna kill me.
worry, Sir, I’ve got the pizza tonight,” Sam beams happily
at us. “And the beer.”
But – but
we were having pork chops. With
Jack’s special killer hot sauce, if his sending me on a
side trip for the Tabasco sauce was any indication of his
ultimate plans for those delectable looking chops currently
sitting abandoned in the casserole dish on the counter
waiting to be sauced…
yeah, I can see that, but - but – “Jack stutters.
“I know I
probably should have called,” Sam admits with a rueful
grimace. “You know you
said once we should hang out more, and yesterday you said
you wanted to be friends, so, well, I started thinking
doing that would be a good way to get to know each other and be
friends, and there’s no time like the present, so here I
Jack says weakly, giving her a sickly smile.
“Hanging out. I did say that, didn’t I? And here you are.”
He did? You did? When
thought I’d ever hear myself saying this but dammit
Jack, you talk too much!
don’t mind, do you, Colonel?” she asks, hesitantly, for
the first time giving a faint indication she’s realized that
possibly, maybe, by showing up here unannounced and uninvited
and definitely unexpected she might have been slightly…
Presumptuous? Out of line? Down-right
mention just plain not wanted?
the smug grin settling on her face the second she finishes
speaking, the knowing gleam in the eyes she fastens on Jack
while awaiting his answer abruptly puts the boots to that absurd notion.
what was I thinking?
Jack sighs, skeptically eyeing the closed pizza box lying on
his dining table we both can’t help but notice is emanating
one of us normally associate with…pizza.
else even remotely edible.
hell is on that thing and do we really want to
course I don’t mind,” he lies valiantly, rallying enough
to favour her
with a semi-sincere smile. “Pizza,
huh?” he croaks after clearing his throat, fearfully fingering
a corner of the box, clearly with the intention of flipping
it back and checking out what lies beneath.
braver man than I am, that’s all I can say.
great to see you, Carter,” Jack says, starting to cautiously
lift the lid, eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“But…what’s with the - the…”
quite bring himself to say ‘pizza’ – especially as
whatever it is we’re smelling hasn’t yet been sufficiently
threat-assessed to ascertain whether or not it’s even edible,
never mind classifiable as the aforementioned entrée. Yeah, we can both read what the box says; it proclaims
the contents as pizza, but it’s from a place neither one
of us recognizes, so the box, it could lie!
pizza and the beer? Oh, Daniel
said this is what you usually do when you hang out,” Sam
lands me in it with enough cheerful enthusiasm to overwhelm
a regiment of clinical depressives. “So
I figured as long as I was inviting myself over I shouldn’t
“Oh, he did,
did he?” Jack’s
eyes flick up from the half-raised lid of the pizza box and he
fires me a murderous glare.
Why are you
looking at me like that, Brunch Boy?
It’s not like I make a habit of shooting my mouth
off and all but handing Sam engraved invitations to barge
in on us unannounced, unlike some other people I
could mention. Especially
the one who is currently giving me attitude for one little
teeny, tiny lapse of judgment while he’s been racking
up the stupid points left, right and centre!
This is my first offence,
and it only happened because I foolishly gave Sam credit
for being a much better person that it seems she’s turning
out to be.
A mistake I
won’t be making again.
got a lot more to answer for in the slipped lip department
than me, Jack, my lad, so hold the anchovies as well as the
attitude and let’s just get through this as best we can.
nose wrinkles, I can see he’s barely suppressing a grimace
what with the full force aromas from the now fully revealed
pizza hitting him face on.
He leaves off glaring at me to risk a quick glance
below at what could possibly be generating such olfactory
following suit: what I’m smelling is bad enough; I’m not
quite ready to actually look at it yet, thank you very much.
wasn’t sure what you’d like so I thought I’d take a
chance and bring you something really special,” Sam pipes
up. “It’s my favourite kind of
it?” Jack says dumbly,
eyes riveted to Sam’s malodorous, but well meant offering.
see, there’s sun-dried tomatoes - ”
Jack echoes, barely audibly.
“That’s – that’s…okay, tomatoes….”
Belong on a
pizza. Which ordinarily would be very okay indeed, but she
said ‘sun dried’, an entirely different…vegetable.
that be fruit? Either way,
not quite the same thing.
As Jack is
are they?” Jack finally whines, after several seconds of
futilely scanning the pizzal topography in an unsuccessful
attempt to visually detect any tomato traces.
“There, Sir,” Sam helpfully
points at something. I can’t tell
exactly what from where I’m standing, deliberately out
of smelling distance, or whether what she’s just obligingly
identified bears even a passing resemblance to tomatoes,
or not, but the expression on Jack’s face tells me all
I need to know.
he says weakly. “That’s them,
huh? I never would have guessed.” He takes a deep breath. “Those little white…lumps. All over. I don’t suppose that’s the Mozzarella?”
he ventures hopefully.
smell, I’m guessing that’s a no too.
you’re partly right,” Sam laughs.
“It’s cheese, but not Mozza. Feta. It’s much more flavourful than plain
old Mozzarella and is an interesting contrast to the pesto
Oh my, that
explains the some of the smell, but not all, by any
means. Even from
this distance I’m detecting a distinctly…distinct fishy
aroma - way over and above what one might expect from
an anchovy or two being tossed on top - intermingling
unpleasantly with the fetid feta and there’s no way that
smell is coming from the first two
identified ingredients. Or the sauce,
which isn’t derived from tomatoes either, apparently.
Marine Surprise Pizza. Oh my…
eyes dart up, seeking me. Help
me, they silently scream from across the table.
exceptionally brave so far, but I can plainly see he doesn’t
have the heart to go on.
I guess considering I’ve so far shamelessly opted for
the path of least visual offensiveness like the unrepentant
chickenshit I am, the least I can do is throw him a bone, take
over taking point and bear the brunt of the rest of the
Hey, I once
threw myself in front of a staff blast for this man, how bad
can this be?
couple of…interesting choices. Not
ones I would have thought of but…interesting.”
I’m not going to say what I really think any more than you
are so quit glaring at me.
This isn’t my house, remember, I’m not in
any way obligated to play the gracious host, I can still save
myself, get the hell out of here with my taste buds unsullied
and leave you to choke it down with Sam on your own.
interesting. So, what else is on it, Sam?” I ask the
question Jack can’t bring himself to voice, courageously
drawing her fire.
blue eyes swing my way and she opens her mouth to let me have
mention the staff blast…thing?
really good stuff, trust me, Sir,” she says to me, but
she’s really talking to Jack. “Lemme
see, for starters, there’s tuna. “Dolphin
safe, of course,” she dimples.
naturally. Good God.
Hurray for the dolphins. I’m so happy they don’t have anything
to worry about vis a vis having to suffer for the sake
of vile pizza. The tuna and the
rest of us poor victims here should be so lucky.
Tuna? Did she really say tuna? On pizza? Okay,
now that’s just wrong, on so many levels. It’s more than
wrong; it’s so cosmically – incorrect – it’s almost
akin to violating the basic principles of the universe. It’s certainly bucking every unwritten
but nevertheless sacrosanct precept of proper pizza construction.
unbelieving horror in Jack’s eyes eloquently echoes my
sentiments on this.
Now let me
just say one thing here, in my defense, in case anyone is
thinking we’re being unduly squeamish about a mere pizza,
I’m not exactly…inexperienced…in the gastronomic
department. I’ve eaten
around some. Although I’m primarily an archaeologist the
anthropological aspect of my chosen profession has required
me, while out in the field on both sides of the gate, to
occasionally have to venture into some pretty kinky culinary
territory, all in the interests of diplomacy and good interplanetary
relations and all that sort of…thing. I
have partaken of some pretty – out there, and I do mean
waaaay out there – stuff.
I like to think I have a fairly open mind, not to
mention an adventurous palate, although I do draw the line
at symbiotes, barbequed, or…not, and a dash of culinary
curiosity. I’m not scared to try
new things, really, I mean, you’d be surprised how many
things in the universe, no matter how awful they look or
smell, taste exactly like chicken.
said all that, I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal
about this; compared to some of the stuff I’ve managed to
choke down and survive in the past, Sam’s weird ass pizza
should be a walk in the park.
Bring it on
girlfriend, you don’t scare me: what’s a few unusual
terrestrial ingredients thrown on a pizza, I’ve eaten baaka
entrails dipped in a lovely sauce made mostly from the
baaka’s blood along with a few other questionable
ingredients I figured I was better off not knowing about and
didn’t even throw up.
broccoli, spinach, leeks, bean sprouts.”
I take it
Baptist coming off his forty days in the wilderness,
confronted with this mess as his first meal would turn
tail and run screaming back into the desert.
wild honey are definitely sounding like a much safer bet.
I almost forgot! Mushrooms!” she finishes with a giggle.
Jack yelps, latching onto the one, identifiable, genuine,
acceptable ingredient in the bizarre mix.
Sam points at one of the large, amorphous black blobs
festooning the unmentionable mess.
doesn’t look like a mushroom,” he bleats.
shitake mushrooms, Colonel, I know they look kind of,” she
shrugs. “But don’t
let that put you off, they’re really tasty.”
looks like. He doesn’t say
it, but he’s sure thinking it.
sure is white,” Jack finally observes with a mournful sigh. “I don’t suppose there’s some pepperoni hiding in there
it’s completely meatless,” Sam proudly informs him.
“Much better for you that way.”
Jack murmurs. “And that’s
what’s really important…when it comes to pizza.”
this just keeps getting worse and worse.
You wouldn’t think there would be so many ways to
violate pizza but somehow Sam has managed to get it completely
wrong in just about every possible way.
waiting for her to tell us it’s got a whole-wheat crust or
something equally blasphemous and that will pretty much do it.
him, he’s really trying to be a good sport about this, but
after what’s been done to this poor pie, well it’s way
more than a man should have to bear, especially one who loves
his pizza as much as Jack does.
The only thing that would have hurt him even more is if
can’t think of anything much worse, this is pretty much as
bad as it gets. This
is really bad. I swear he’s gonna cry any second now.
gonna be pretty. I can’t
blue jello?” Jack says
with a lame grin.
be silly, Sir, you don’t put jello on pizza!” Sam shakes
her head fondly at him.
look at Jack, don’t - don’t look, mustn’t look, will
start laughing if you look, laughing bad, really, really bad
ohgodohgodohgod don’t laugh!
at both of us, Jack manfully swallowing his grief and me
holding back an entirely different impulse and oh, lookit
here, I think, I think, I think, yeeeees, the light has
finally dawned, it is just hitting her that maybe, just
maybe we’re not as jazzed about her prize pizza as she
guys,” she frowns. “I know
it looks, kind of – different, but it really does taste
gonna buy this from a woman who drinks diet coke. On purpose. Because
she likes the taste.
only that – everything on it is really healthy!”
Healthy. Oh well, that changes everything.
Everybody knows it’s a universal given anything that’s
good for you is almost always, without fail, so gosh darned
yummy as well!
it all the time. Give it a chance, I know you’ll love it as
much as I do!” she gushes confidently.
I’m sure, seeing as how you know so much about what
Jack’s culinary preferences, as evidenced by Exhibit Ewwwww
here, currently stinking up the dining room.
the evening is not a total loss; at least she got the beer
guess we’d better tuck in before it gets cold,” Sam
states, starting to make for the kitchen like she owns the
place, or really wants to. “Why don’t you
guys grab a beer and make yourselves comfortable I’m sure
I’ll have no trouble finding my way around your kitchen,
Sir, I’ll just rustle up some plates and – “
“No!” Jack abruptly barks, her sudden intention
to further penetrate into his territory snapping him out
of his pizza-induced stupor. “I
mean,” he quickly amends, to head off the hurt expression
commencing to gallop across her face.
“You’re the guest here it wouldn’t be – tell
you what,” he deftly selects a beer from the case and hands
it to her, complete with a gracious, hundred watt, melty-eyed
O’Neill full bore high beam, charm ’em right out of their
pants smile that has me briefly seeing little green-eyed
monsters dancing before my eyes even though I know why
he’s doing it…still…
I just –
when he – that – that smile, he’s just so fucking –
and he knows it, knows all he has to do to get whatever
he wants from practically anybody -
there, Daniel, don’t, don’t, it won’t help, and besides,
it’s nothing, you know what’s going on just…get a grip,
it doesn’t mean diddley, it’s purely a tactical
more, it’s gonna work.
man and his ‘you know you want me’ smile, he’s taken me
out at the knees with it more than once even though I know all
his tricks; Sam doesn’t have a chance.
go, Carter,” he presses the beer into her hands, his voice
low and velvety. Just
this side of bedroom. My green imps start Riverdancing with a
vengeance and I have to start swatting again.
don’t you take this down to the living room and get comfy. I’ll bring everything down and we can
pig out there.”
enough, the smile’s the charm, and she sure is, charmed that
is, practically putty in his hands, complete with drool. Eyes a flutter, she clutches her beer
to her heaving bosom and scampers on her way, no doubt
to install herself in the best vantage point in the room
for implementing her acquisitions strategy while she waits
to be waited on hand and foot by her adoring colonel.
gone she hasn’t even noticed I’m not following her, having
been snagged by the arm by said colonel, who then proceeds to
haul me into the kitchen.
Pretty sure I’m not gonna get either the smile or the
voice, and for sure there isn’t going to be much adoring in
my immediate future.
isn’t enough beer in the world to make me eat that fucking
shit,” Jack snarls once Sam is safely out of earshot.
being such a baby,” I snap back at him, breaking free of his
hold and rummaging in the cutlery drawer for the requisite
utensils to accompany the plates he’s angrily snatching out
of the cupboard.
you ate candied eyeballs on P7A 401 last week and didn’t
even blink. How much worse
can this be?”
shit off-world is part of the job.”
the plates down on the counter, slams the lid on the casserole
dish and slams it, and the chops, alas, into the fridge.
pork chops. Okay, now I’m
don’t take my work home with me, so I sure as shit don’t
have to eat shit in my own house on my own time!”
okay, then, fine, you go down there and tell Sam she can take
her shitty pizza and get the hell out of here.”
can’t do that!”
shut up and eat it, shit and all.”
Daniel, who in the hell puts tuna on a pizza, and what
the hell is pesto sauce?”
white pasta sauce generally attributed
to the Liguria region of Northern Italy made from a combination
of basil, garlic, Parmesan cheese, olive oil and pine nuts
or walnuts, but that’s not important right now, what is
– you have two choices here, and you know what they are. You told Sam you wanted the two of you to be just friends;
she’s obviously taken you at your word.
She’s showed up here expecting to hang out, because
you said she could. So, you either go down there and tell
her you didn’t mean what you said, and she should
go home and stop bothering you or – “
“I go down there and
make nice and eat the fucking pizza,” Jack sighs, hanging
his head. “I can’t tell her to get
lost, I did say we should just be friends and I did sort
of, open the door about the whole, hanging out…thing…”
“Yeah, about that
“I can’t believe she
actually remembered it, it was years ago,
and ironically enough, pizza was involved on that occasion
as well. It was back when that Orlin
character was floating around her place, only we didn’t
know that then, just that something hinky was going on
with her, you remember, you suggested Teal’c and I should
go over there, check and see if she was okay, well, while
I was there I might have said something along the
lines of, we should hang out because we never do, I had
to say something to explain why we’d come over,
but I meant all of us, not just – her and me. And so, here we are.”
“I’ve gotta do this,
but you – “
“Yes, Jack, I’m with
you all the way. I’ll eat my share,
tuna and all.”
“So it’s definitely
a fromage a trois,” he deadpans.
“Let’s just…get down
there and get this over with. It’s
just one evening, and one pizza.
We can do this.”
“Yeah, we can. I love you, you know.”
“You’d better. And by the way, if I need my stomach
pumped afterwards I’m sending you the bill.”
“We could dial up
P7A 401 and send out for more candied eyeballs for dessert. They’re not so bad, really, once you
get over the whole having your food staring at you…thing. A little crunchier than you’d expect
but – “
Oh God, I’ve got so much
work to do, and it seems like everybody wants it yesterday. Well, even the indispensable need to
eat, and certain people’s opinions to the contrary, I don’t
work through as many meal breaks as they think I do, as
evidenced by the fact I have temporarily deserted my post
to stuff my face at the approximately the appropriate time
the military has allotted for lunch consumption, but now
I have returned, and here we are –
sitting at my computer, scowling at the screen.
What is he doing here, and why is he tying up my
computer when he’s got a perfectly good one in his own
know so why don’t I ask him?
what are you doing here?” I demand, continuing into my
office and slapping the folder I’ve been carrying down on my
raises his head, eyebrow arched in reaction to the tone of my
admit it; that came out a little more – snippy – than I
intended. I’ve been slightly,
on edge, for the last few days, but we won’t get into that
Googling,” Jack loftily informs me, sniffing with mild
affront before turning his attention back to the screen.
I’m sorry I snapped at you – I didn’t mean – “
waves away the rest of my begrudging apology, his eyes still
riveted to whatever he’s searching for.
you’re Googling,” I try again, taking a deep breath so
whatever I say will sound a little less…you know, even
though I am still annoyed. I have work to
do and it’s kinda hard to get on with it with him sitting
I mean is – why are you doing it here?
You have a computer, and you also have a desk, whether
it suits you to acknowledge their existence or not. They’re both waiting for you in the
office you also frequently disavow any knowledge of.”
that,” Jack murmurs with a shrug. “Yours is closer.”
of course, more convenient for you, but in the meantime
what am I supposed to do?
resisting the impulse to scream I try again.
I need you to – I need to get back to work!”
Daniel,” Jack calmly returns. “You
need a vacation. We need
a vacation. Which is why I am here.”
absolutely no sense, and my utter confusion must be showing,
because Jack sighs and sadly shakes his head like he’s
realized he’s dealing with a mental defective and is going
to have to start using smaller words or something.
where you’d find a word smaller than ‘D’oh!’ I don’t
you and I both know, bad cheese jokes and occasional fantasies
aside, a perpetual threesome was not the configuration
either one of us had in mind for the rest of our
Oh no, here
we go, he’s not gonna throw that ‘it’s only one night,
one pizza’ thing back in my face again.
How the hell was I supposed to know –
has been over every night we haven’t been off world, so need
I remind you it’s been….far too long since we’ve
had any ‘quality time’…
fucked, boinked, banged the drum, done the horizontal mambo,
screwed our brains out, whammed, bammed, thank you Dan,
done any heavy necking, even.
quite frankly, you’re starting to get a bit hard to live
getting hard to live with? Why,
you arrogant bastard, you’re the one who almost
shot me the other night because I tried to
change the channel!
rejoinder dies in my throat as Jack’s dark, sad eyes
suddenly meet mine, his expression wistful and longing.
you,” he says softly.
he sees me every day, and most of the evening, for that
matter, I know exactly what he means.
ever since the bad pizza night, Sam has been a constant in our
down time universe, which has had some serious consequences
for the intimate side of our relationship, as you can well
imagine. Not only
have we not been able to sleep together, we haven’t been
able to sleep together either.
risky for either one of us to pull an overnighter, either at
his place or mine. Sam
won’t leave until I leave, which is usually pretty late, and
once I’ve gone, I can’t really go back, and Jack can’t
really come over to my place – it’s complicated, but trust
safer to stay in our own respective beds.
a whole lot more lonely.
I tell him sincerely. “I
miss you too. Not been sleeping
neither,” he nods.
Now I feel
like a schmuck for getting mad at him earlier, and also for
You see, it
just hit me, although I have noticed we’ve both been getting
on each other’s nerves recently, this is really the first
time I’ve thought about it, and why.
I haven’t wanted to admit it to Jack, but even though
it’s been…inconvenient… in some ways, to have Sam
constantly around, I’ve kinda been enjoying it. Being able to hang out with her, and
talk to her, just like we used to, it’s almost like good
seems really happy too, and not just because she’s getting
to be around Jack.
At least I
like to think the getting to reconnect with me, part of
things, she’s liking that as much as I am.
I hope so.
certainly seems to be enjoying herself,” Jack softly
continues, like he’s just picked the thought right out of my
she’s really happy, isn’t she?”
like having her around, don’t you?”
Shit. This man scares me sometimes the way
he can just –
hide anything from him. But
then, I don’t need to; he’s Jack.
I admit, hanging my head. “She’s
my friend. Or, at least she used
to be. Before – “
I bite my
tongue and shut up, having already said more than I meant to. I don’t want to blame Jack for what happened between Sam
and I, I’m sure it wasn’t just that, things got awfully
complicated in all of our lives back then and for awhile
none of us were really – connecting – as well as we used
to and then I…
don’t want to think about that, and I’m sure Jack
doesn’t want to be reminded either.
bailed on you and took Carter with me and started this whole
mess in the first place.”
gentle but frank admission is as uncompromising as the fierce
devotion and affection in his expression.
“I had my
head up my ass for a long time, running away screaming from
the best thing that ever happened to me, and I did a lot of
stupid things I can never take back before I finally figured
it all out. I don’t count hiding behind Carter as the worst
thing, although it was pretty bad.
No, what I did to you was far worse. I hurt you,
Daniel, and while I was being such an ass you lost both of
us, and then…we lost you.”
away, blinking hard. I
should say something, but, feeling pretty gut-punched, here. Although we both know what happened,
and why, he’s never come right out and….
just never talked about it. We
put it behind us and…moved on. I
was okay with that, and I thought, so was he, I didn’t
really need him to, to say anything about it, or apologize,
even, but now that he has…
it’s okay now. Things are
good. We’re good, that’s all that
things are good,” Jack nods. “Some
things are great, never doubt that. Others…not so good.”
And then I
get it. The second emotional
blow to my solar plexus knocks my legs out from under me
and I collapse into my chair.
nothing, watching me sit there and hyperventilate, a mildly
curious expression on his face.
gonna live?” he finally inquires.
Okay, I can
time I thought, what you’ve been doing, putting up with Sam
– I thought – “
what you thought,” he smiles deprecatingly.
“But then, that’s the way you are Daniel, it’s
always the other guy first, always everybody else but you.”
can’t talk again. Everything
Jack has done since that first night Sam showed up, every bad
meal he’s eaten without a single complaint, from vile pizza
to that godawful meatloaf she tried to cook last night,
every chick flick and bad sci fi movie he’s sat through
without so much as a whimper, every conversation Sam and
I have gotten into that’s gone over his head he’s endured
with quiet, uncharacteristic patience and nary an eye roll
or a sarcastic comment, every night he’s walked us both
to the door and said good-bye to me with Sam watching our
every move – all of that – why he did it even though he
could have ended it after a couple of nights, could have
ended it any time, and yet he hasn’t, and clearly doesn’t
intend to because I thought…I thought…
he was – is - doing it for her, all this unusual tolerance
and endurance, it’s been all about making Sam happy but –
but – but –
Carter and I have about as much in common as me and bread
mould. Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s
ass about what she does, except that she does it, she does
it very well and she does it when I need her to. As to her likes and dislikes and her
feelings, I know all I need to know about her in order
for us to relate effectively as team leader and subordinate. Over and above that I’ve got no interest
whatsoever in discovering what makes her tick, nor do I
possess any great, burning desire or ambition to be her
buddy. Sure I care about her and all, as one of my kids,
but making her day doesn’t figure all that high on my list
of priorities. You however,” he says sternly, affixing
me with a serious stare, “Are another story, pal. What make you happy is of the
utmost importance to me. Nothin’
matters more, babe.”
know what to say.
your friend away from you and that hurt you, bad.
Getting the two of you back together – fixing that
– well, let’s just say I’m willing to put up with a lot
to make it right. If
it makes you happy, it’s more than worth it.
Besides, it hasn’t been too horrible. I’m getting a
really kick out of watching the two of you together – of
watching you – how wound up you get when the pair
of you really get into it, and how you kick her butt nine
times out of ten in the debate department. You’re the only person I know who can
think rings around Carter, and talk her under the table
to boot and I’ve got my own private ringside seat for the
show. You’re shining again. I don’t really mind I’m not the only
one who can make you glow like that.”
I’m the one who has to look away and blink.
If my mouth
would work there’s so much I want to say to him right now,
but as it is I have to restrain a nearly irresistible impulse
I want to
go to him and just…just hold him, and that would say it all
and then some, tell him everything he needs to know I can’t
get out right now, that’s what I really want to do but
stupid security cameras.
Carter,” Jack suddenly says. “You
guys still carpooling?”
I say after a minute or two. I
have to swallow this lump that’s crowding my throat, and
then the talking thing? I’ll be
able to manage it.
waiting patiently for me to continue.
picks me up most mornings, now, or…me, her.
And then of course, whomever is driving that day takes
both of us over to your place – and then home again.”
Which is of
course the main reason why Jack and I can’t overnight
it’s been mostly her, doing the driving that is, because
that’s the way she wants it.”
Jack says softly, intently, and something in his voice makes
me look at him again.
takes a deep breath, a tinge of indecision fleeting across his
are deep with an emotion I can’t read, and I know there’s
something else, something more he wants to say, but he’s not
about Sam? About me? Whatever it is, he’s worried about something.
it,” he shrugs and turns his attention back to the monitor.
was… Wait a minute, what
is Jack doing there, anyway, what the heck has he been
looking for, all this time? You know what, I never did
never did say, what are you Googling…for?”
you; we need to get away.”
you’re looking up some nice vacation spots?”
can’t just walk up to Hammond and say, excuse me, General,
but Daniel and I need a day or two off, Carter is cramping our
style, not to mention our sex life.”
you’re looking up holidays? I’ll
save you some time, Memorial Day is coming up soon.”
nearly soon enough, Dannyboy, your tongue gets any more of an
edge to it, you’ll be able to cut your own throat with
I love you
make one up if I have to. International
Archaeologist Appreciation Day, how does that sound?” he
that might work for me, but what are you going to do?”
Daniel, appreciate,” he leers at me.
guys!” Sam pops her head around
the corner, scaring the shit out of both of us.
glad I caught you both together!”
“Carter!” Jack fires back at her without missing
a beat, complete with cheery faux smile.
always been impressed by the man’s…recovery time.
and very, very good.
and I were just talking about you, saying, gee, I wonder where
Carter is, it’s just about time for her to turn up,
weren’t we Daniel?”
the most convincing, and charming liar I’ve ever met.
certainly got Sam snowed.
you, Sir,” she blushes. “I’ve
just got a minute, I have some stuff in my lab I’ve got
to get back to – “
sure you do, Carter, but…” Jack generously invites her to
just wanted to ask you, Colonel, do you mind driving Daniel
over to your place after work, I have to go to the video store
and pick up the movie for tonight.”
over at Jack and I can see he’s thinking exactly the same
flick, or bad sci fi, what will it be?
leaning toward Solaris at the moment, but I’ll see how I
feel when I get there. Do
you have any requests?”
Bad sci fi
it is. Oh…joy.
what, why don’t you surprise us,” Jack purrs at her. “We trust you. Whatever
you pick, I’m sure it will be great.”
even I believed that one.
seriously starting to scare me.
like one of her naquadah reactors on overload.
“Why, thank you Sir, I didn’t know you had that
much confidence in me,” she beams.
look of ingenuous astonishment is truly worthy of a nod from
I trust you with my life on practically a daily basis.”
my life, our lives, sure, absolutely, no question, but the
pretty much a given whatever she brings over is gonna be
horrible, but once you know that, it’s really not all that
speak for Jack but I’m actually starting to develop a
fondness for bad movies, kinda like the whole car wreck on the
side of the road…thing, you know it’s gonna be bad and you
really shouldn’t look, but you can’t help yourself.
swing by and pick up a pizza once I’m done
We both yelp.
– “ Jack hastens to add, smoothly covering our gaffe.
“You’ve treated us more than enough; it’s my turn to
“Oh?” Sam perks up at this.
“Cook – you mean, actually…cook?”
could,” Jack nods. “I can, you
can, and very well. Which
is more than you can say.
me a secretive glance, a sly smile playing across her lips.
Sir,” she tells him meaningfully, her voice low and throaty
and full of subtext plainly meant only for Jack.
takes is two little words and suddenly I hate her all over
later, guys,” Sam waves at us and scoots on her way.
wait,” Jack mutters, something dark and dangerous dancing in
over!” I snap at him and start
rolling my chair toward him.
holiday you’re trying to find? I’m
gonna help you look.”
Oh my God,
Sam has really outdone herself tonight, this has to be the
worst movie ever. I love her dearly, but oh me, oh my, she
has the oddest taste…in a lot of things.
Maybe it’s some left-over Tok’ra traces, some
residual Jolinar-ness influencing her on some subliminal
level. Yeah, that
could explain it. Sam’s strange judgment on matters victual
and cinematic, although for obvious reasons we’ll leave off
mentioning her taste in men, as to what’s responsible for
it, I blame the Tok’ra, and if you’re wondering why, well,
let’s just say based strictly on what I’ve seen of their
décor and their fashion sense they wouldn’t be my first
choice as intergalactic arbiters of good taste.
sort of taste, for that matter.
Nope, the Tok’ra connection
can’t be helping her at all. Whatever
input Sam might still be receiving from whatever Jolinar
left in her head; it can’t be good.
back to movies and this stinker she’s selected for our
viewing pleasure this evening.
No really, as bad movies go, this is pretty putrid. It’s so bad I’ve involuntarily expunged
the title from my brain in an attempt to protect what little
remains of my grey matter. It’s truly awful; slow, ponderous,
dull, I haven’t got a clue what’s going on, and what’s
more, I really don’t care.
room I can see Jack, wide-eyed, glassy and staring. He’s plastered to the couch, his spine
poker stiff, arms splayed along its back like he’s been
crucified. I think he may be in
a coma. Or possibly the bastard
has perfected the art of sleeping with his eyes open, and
hasn’t told me.
starts snoring that’s a definite yes.
dinner was good. Thank
God. Jack fired up the barbie and
we had some lovely steaks, big as hub caps, positively
slathered in barbeque sauce. We
chased it down with mounds and mounds of the potato salad
we picked up from the deli on the way home. And corn on
the cob, drowning in butter.
Mmmmmmmm… I can feel my arteries hardening as
we speak but it was sooooo worth it!
And I must
say, for all the obviously health-oriented menu choices
she’s been sharing with us, Sam put away more than her
share. She’s still working
on dessert, her third helping, I believe, sitting over
there by Jack’s side shoveling chocolate cheese cake into
her mouth like someone’s gonna snatch the plate away from
her any second.
arrangements, I mean, not Sam’s capacity for cheesecake.
noticed a definite diminishing trend when it has come to the
approximate proximity between her and Jack relative to where
they both are situated on the couch.
That is to say, they both started out on opposite
ends, but with each successive evening, although Jack’s
customary position has not changed there’s been some noticeable…creepage…
on Sam’s part. It’s
very subtle, but she’s definitely been working her way over
to his side, and his side, literally.
quite there yet, but she’s certainly close enough to be
considered considerably crowding his personal space. Another foot or so and she’ll be sitting
in his lap.
am I, well you may ask? Monkey-not-so-in-the-middle? I’ve been relegated to the chair in
the corner. It’s comfy, but also
conveniently on the other side of the table and nowhere
near the couch. Or Jack. On
the plus side I get a great view of the TV, and Sam moving
over and in on my colonel.
doesn’t bother me. Not now. It would have, a little bit, I will admit, but that was
before, before I found out…
she’s making progress, slowly worming her way into Jack’s
heart, and he’s relaxing, getting comfortable around her,
his blanket acceptance of all the various ways she’s
insinuated herself into her life she’s reading as acceptance
what she’s undoubtedly thinking, and before Jack clued me
in, so was I.
time to think about what Jack told me in my office, earlier. Now, don’t get me wrong, here, I’m not…unappreciative,
of the personal sacrifices he’s made for my sake, far from
it, I’m completely blown away, touched beyond my ability
to articulate, even and believe me, not that he needed
to or anything, Jack’s scored some major points in my books
today, I mean, I knew he loved me, before, but knowing
he loves me enough to sit through something like this,
so I can have time with Sam, that’s pretty cool, incredibly
cool, okay, it’s utterly amazing and knowing this, that
my Jack is doing this for me, well, I should be the happiest
archaeologist on the planet right now.
be, I really should, and I feel like a totally ungrateful slug
admitting this, but, well…
couple of reasons why and they’re pretty good ones. Unfortunately. The
first one being the very fact he is doing it, and
why. I know his heart’s in the right place, his motives
are…well maybe not entirely pure, but certainly well-meant,
as far as it pertains to me, and that’s the problem. To make me happy, to ‘right the wrong’
he feels he’s done me; he’s kinda leading Sam on. Just a little. Okay, a lot. Consequently,
I’m more than slightly concerned about that, especially
because Sam doesn’t know what’s really going on here, and
him effectively using her – to please me – well, it’s not
Not only is
it not right, when you really think about it, if the only way
I can ‘earn’ relationship points with Sam is by throwing
Jack at her…
it’s kind of insulting, isn’t it?
As much as
I dearly love him for the sentiment, and the sacrifice, I
don’t need Jack to fight my battles and I certainly don’t
need him to ‘buy’ anyone’s friendship for me, especially
brings us around to the whole issue of Sam and what’s really
going on here. We all
know when she first – inserted herself – into our cozy
twosome Jack was the main topic on her agenda and having to
make nice with me again was a necessary part of the bargain,
but since then things have moved on.
happening between the three of us, it’s not all about
At least, I
hope to God it’s not.
Me and Sam,
we’ve been reconnecting. Spending
time, a lot of time, just the two of us.
I want to believe what’s been happening between us,
it’s real, that being around me again has made her realize
what we lost, how far we’d drifted apart; she missed the
friendship we once had, and yeah, maybe she missed me too, and
now she’s here because she wants to be with me as much
as she wants Jack, and when she’s with me, and he’s not
around, it’s because she wants to be with me and
what I want to believe, but the problem is, and I really hate
to say this, but it’s the truth…
not completely…sure…about that.
God, I hate
myself when I start thinking this way, but I can’t help
it, there’s just…something…off, about all of this. I wish
I could be more certain of Sam’s motives as far as I’m
concerned, or even had a bit more faith in the original
foundation of our friendship, but the truth is, there’s
no getting away from the fact there was a time I was convinced
she and I were as solid as…
beckoned and she walked away from me without so much as a
backward glance. Jack’s
big brown eyes and ‘come hither’ smile, that’s all it
took and faster than you could say ‘Daniel’s a dope’ three
years of friendship…
let’s be fair here, Jack walked away from me too. But that was different.
Or was it?
He had a
reason, though, he did it because he cared for me, way too
much, and in a way he couldn’t deal with for a long time, so
he didn’t dump me so much as try to excise me from his
heart by cutting me out of his life.
certainly came back. Once
he’d finally worn himself out enough to face the truth.
was something like that with Sam, for whatever reason she did
it, maybe she realized throwing away our friendship was really
stupid and she’s been regretting it for a long time, but
hasn’t known how to put it right, thinking I probably
wouldn’t forgive her or something, but now she knows as
far as I’m concerned I don’t care what she did or why,
it’s in the past; I’m just glad she’s back.
we’ll get really drunk and sentimental, start swapping
stories and it will all come out and we’ll laugh about what
idiots we’ve both been…
pigs will fly right through the Stargate and crap on
Daniel stop getting sucked in by your own ridiculous hopes,
look at what’s going on around you. None of this is real. We’re all here under false pretenses,
with agendas up the wahzoo. No
matter how perfect, cozy and chummy everything looks right
now, it’s still all a sham and sooner or later the thin
veil of pretense is going wear through at some vulnerable
point and the whole ridiculous charade is gonna blow up
in our faces.
God, I hope
I’m wrong. I know what
my instincts are screaming at me, but just this once, please,
please let them be wrong, let me be wrong, let it
all work out for the best, let everything be the way I
want it not the way…
Jack shakes his head, the
abrupt, unexpected movement is a bit startling, and before
either Sam or I have a chance to react to him re-entering
the room, so to speak, he’s on his feet in one swift, fluid
me,” he grunts at both of us. “Have
to see a man about a…”
“Oh!” Sam sits forward, instantly responding. “I can pause the movie for you,” she
tells him, reaching for the remote.
“So you don’t miss anything – “
that’s fine,” he vigorously shakes his head.
“I wouldn’t want to hold things up for the rest of
you. I might…be
he’s off, booking out of the TV room at a positive gallop.
Bastard! He’s gonna escape the dread denouement
by hiding out in the can.
I’d thought of it first!
Sam murmurs, watching his rapid exit with a raised eyebrow. “He must really have to go!”
you know Jack, he’s always been a bit of a procrastinator,”
I quip back at her.
Sam grins at me, a wide, genuine smile with so much warmth she
has to really mean it. “But
there are some things you really shouldn’t put off until
laugh and fall into an easy, comfortable silence making me
feel so good I don’t even care about bad movies and George
Clooney on the screen there, droning on and on
movie has sucked so far but the ending is suddenly looking
got a clue what Mr Clooney has been up to for the last hour or
so, but you know what, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t even mind Jack ditching me. This is…Sam and me here, right now…
colonel has been very quiet these last few night,” Sam
observes after a couple of minutes.
has. It’s called boredom. With a capital B.
seems…preoccupied…like he’s got something on his mind.”
that’s not it, actually, it’s quite the opposite, he
hasn’t got anything on his mind but getting through
the evening with his sanity intact, but I can’t say
that, so I’d better think of something else.
Oh wait! I’ve got it!
worried about Teal’c. Him
having to be off-world with Bra’tac so much lately, trying
to get all the Jaffa fifth column stuff worked out.
And now with the recent tensions flaring up between
the Jaffa and the Tok’ra…complicating things…”
actually is the truth, partly. Teal’c
has been on Jack’s mind, and mine
too, but not just for that. I
feel really terrible admitting this, but in a funny way,
it’s been a good thing. Teal’c not
being here while all of…this…has been going on, I mean.
complicated enough without adding the further wrinkle of our
fourth wandering around the base in a Jaffa snit feeling
left out and wondering why he doesn’t get to hang out here
Sam says thoughtfully, and then smiles knowingly to herself. “Yeah, that must be it.”
the smugness level in the room just jumped up a notch or two. Not buyin’ that one, huh Sam?
speaking of the colonel, gee, I wonder what’s taking him so
I know, but
I can’t tell.
did say he was going to be awhile, and I’m pretty sure he
didn’t get lost,” I throw back at her.
his own house,” Sam nods. “One
thing you can say about the colonel though, he has an excellent
sense of direction.”
Yeah. He’s never failed to bring me home,
no matter how lost I’ve become.
hope there’s nothing…wrong. Maybe
I’d should – “ she says, starting
to get up.
I’m sure he’s fine,” I shake my head at her and wave her
back down. “He’s a big colonel, I’m sure whatever
it is, he can handle it, and if he needs anything he’ll
holler – “
“Daniel!” Right on cue Jack’s voice rings out
from down the hall, emanating from the general direction
of the ensuite, if I am not mistaken. “Come
here, I need you.”
would be for me,” I grimace apologetically at Sam and push
myself up from the chair.
“I’ll just go see – what’s…going on.”
don’t think he’s fallen in, do you?”
Sam whispers, eyes twinkling mischievously.
is possible, I suppose,” I grin back at her.
“But what you were saying before, about that sense
“Daniel!” Sam scolds me, and then giggles. “He hasn’t had that much to drink
“DANIEL!” Jack bellows again.
– you’d better – “
“Yeah. And if we’re not back in an hour – “
I know, Search and Rescue.”
I leave Sam
still laughing and head down the hall.
It only takes me a couple of seconds to reach Jack’s
bedroom. The door
is partially open, and the lights are off.
Hmmmm. That’s odd. No
light showing from under the bathroom door either.
hell is Jack, and what’s he doing in the dark?
I call out, venturing cautiously into the blackness. And it really is...dark. The blinds are closed, no light, even
if there was any, coming in from outside. It’s a good thing I know my way around
this room pretty good, otherwise –
What the fuck was that?
That table’s not supposed to be there!
“Jack!” I say again, a little louder this time.
answer. Okay, this is not
was making with the jokes with Sam earlier, the urgent tenor
of Jack’s last…summons, had me a bit concerned – and now
this. I assumed when he took off
on us it was a clever movie avoidance strategy, but maybe
I was wrong, it was something else, something really wrong. I’m hoping he’s okay and he hasn’t
had another flare-up of the GI problem that was making
him so cranky when we were trying to deal with the Kelownans,
I mean the Langarans, whatever those short-sighted butt-heads
are calling themselves these days, I mean, the morons were
facing the prospect of having their whole damned planet
go up in their faces, as Jack so eloquently put it, and
they still couldn’t get past their own short-sightedness
and petty prejudices to –
clamps over my mouth, a strong arm wraps around my chest, and
I’m almost pulled off my feet, dragged ruthlessly backwards
before I can even think of resisting or struggling.
I hope this
is Jack, ‘cause if it isn’t I’m in trouble.
No way I can break this hold, and wherever… whomever
is taking me…
where are we going – can’t see a damned – so dark in
here – what’s the rush?
Jack? Quit fooling around here, with the rough
stuff, let me go, you’re starting to freak me out.
Ow – that
hurt! What was that –
a doorframe we just banged into? Yup,
smaller space, being shoved into it, sound of a door, behind
us, slamming shut. I’m briefly released, only to be
whirled around and slammed up against it, pretty roughly,
and before I can move or protest an implacable, but thankfully
familiar weight slams into me from behind, wedging me securely
between the door and a very hard place.
we’re in the closet.
definitely found Jack. Or
I guess you could say, more correctly, he’s found me.
of him are very glad to have found me indeed.
be thinking what I think he’s thinking, can he? I mean, he doesn’t mean – we should
– he called me in here and jumped me in the dark so he
could haul me into his closet and…
Is he nuts? We can’t – Sam is just down the
jammed up against a door, here, Jack, quit…butting…
actually, that feels kinda…good.
No, we can’t. Too, it’s too
stupid, too dangerous – as much as I want to – we can’t!
I struggle to get out, attempting as usual, to be the voice of
reason, which I’m getting mighty sick of I might add, but
saying anything isn’t proving to be easy, what with my
face, and pretty much all of me, come to think of it, mashed
up against the door.
behind me, making with some pretty interesting, and insistent
pelvic action, against my…behind.
voice of reason thing? He
keeps this up I might lose my own argument.
mention any hope of coherent thought…
up!” he pants into my ear, his fingers fumbling with my
belt. “Drop ‘em!”
stop him. Us. This. I should. This
is beyond nuts this – this -
This is insane!
Yeah, in my dreams! Talk
about your irresistible force, right now Jack is so far
beyond reason, not to mention reach he’s too damned hot
for words. Besides, I’m not exactly
in a position to argue; I can’t move, I can barely breathe,
Jack’s lust-crazed weight smashing against me, pressing
me into the door so ruthlessly I’m practically a pancake,
he’s got me well and truly pinned, not to mention on the
edge of asphyxiation, and now he’s got my belt undone,
my fly open, and he’s hooking his fingers into the waistband
of my pants.
desperate attempt get some air I buck back against him only to
have him slam into me again, pretty much expelling the little
remaining oxygen in my lungs.
spots, pinwheels…seein’ em all…
– drop ‘em!” he snarls into my ear while he roughly
wrenches my pants down over my ass to my knees.
He keeps me pinned in place with his body, his hands
occupied with frantically working his own belt and zipper.
not, I’m fucked.
gonna fuck you hard, Daniel,” he grunts.
I hear the unmistakable sounds of clothes being roughly
rucked down hairy legs and then I feel him, the bare skin
of his groin slick and electric with excitement, hard and
urgent against me. Head
swimming, knees getting weak, breath shallow, can hardly get
any air, feeling like dropping straight to the floor but
can’t – can’t move, won’t fall.
don’t care if the entire SGC is sitting in our living room I
can’t stand it any longer. You
can fight me if you want, but I’m gonna fuck you.
You hear me, Daniel, fuck you ‘til you scream!
Nothing you can do about it, it’s gonna happen.
Gowan, baby,” he leers, licking my ear, his insistent
erection drumming against my ass.
“Fight me. Make
don’t think that’s possible. I
also haven’t got a coherent thought in my head or any plans
of opposing his as next he grabs me, fisting me feverishly
with his right while fingers ram into me, stretching, probing,
invading with no finesse but plenty of intent.
Scream? Goddammit I’ll bark like a dog, whatever
Ohhhhhh, ohhhhh GOD, that’s good – fingers so
deep, the way they’re ramming into me, this is gonna be
I love it
his hand over my mouth to muffle the involuntary groan
escaping me when I feel his swollen, hungry head pressing into
me. I know what’s
going to happen, he’s gonna shove it straight in, hard
and fast, it’s gonna hurt like hell, God, it’s gonna burn,
but I love it, I love it, when he does me like a maniac
God, oh God, do it, do it, DO IT!
face is buried in my shoulder, his smothered grunts mingling
with mine, he’s in, sheathed to the root in my willing ass,
humping frantically, ramming me mercilessly against the
closet door, one hand still clamped to my mouth, the other
working me with exquisite fury. I’m
completely pinioned by the power of his passion, can’t
move, gave up worrying about breathing. My entire awareness
is rapidly constricting, I’m falling away into blackness
and yet being carried up, up and away by the rising swell
of ecstasy filling every scrap of my flickering senses.
I could die
right now, and just might, if I can’t catch a breath in the
next few seconds but what a way….
what’s that...sound? Thumping,
knocking, not ready for heaven yet.
that’s us – me – the sound my body is making, as I’m
being pounded against the door. Jack
making good on his boast he was going to fuck me through
a wall one day. Door, actually,
but close enough, the rapid, rhythmic thuds of our coupling
frenzy are filling the closet, our frantic assault making
the door we’re madly battering rattle alarmingly on its
hinges. I don’t know how much more
it can take – or – or me, for that matter, what’s gonna
blow first, the door – or….
God, ohgodohgod gonna…gonna…
Guys!” Sam shouts from the
TV room. “You’re missing the ending!”
screaming, sobbing against Jack’s palm, the smothering,
sweating fleshy barrier barely holding back the sounds. Tears streaming down my face, delirious
and weak-kneed with the force of my release, still shaking
and struggling to breathe I feel Jack shudder, bite down
hard on my shoulder through my shirt. Two
quick pumps and then he’s hugging me, stroking my hair,
my chest, kissing the side of my neck, my cheek all the
time murmuring, words I can’t make out but there’s such
tenderness in his touch, his voice…
I have to
be getting this wrong, I’m still half out of my head with
the after effects of oxygen deprivation and orgasm, but I
could swear, it sounds like, Jack…
can’t be, why would he…
ever leave me,” he says suddenly, softly, against my right
That I heard. I don’t know where it came from, but
I heard it.
As if I
ever would. Or could.
would he even think -
Jack sighs happily into my shoulder, his large, warm hand
caressing my belly and liberally smearing it with my come. Heaving a reluctant sigh he pulls out
of me and gives my ass an affectionate pat.
we’d better pull ourselves together, clean up some and get
back to Carter.”
Sam! I’d completely
forgotten about her – how long have
we been gone?
pull up our pants, barrel into the bathroom and make a fast,
frantic effort at de-semenizing ourselves before tucking
everything back in and checking each other for any
incriminating evidence of our closet encounter we might have
good?” Jack asks me anxiously.
I shrug, he
scowls, and we’re out of there.
As I follow
him down the hall I can’t shake an uneasy feeling I’ve
forgotten something. I know we both passed inspection;
everything’s been properly licked, nicked and tucked, so why
do I feel like there’s something…
not appear to have moved since we left her, and she smiles a
greeting at us as soon as she sees us.
guys, everything okay?” She mildly inquires, with only the
slightest hint of curiosity in her expression.
“I heard an awful lot of banging in there.”
Oh God! The cover story! I
knew there was something we forgot!
minute, what did she say, she could hear us, but she didn’t
run to investigate? Perhaps
George Clooney has powers we did not suspect.
he’s getting a thank you letter in the morning.
having my brief mental fit Jack steps in to fill up the breach
proving once again why he’s the colonel.
myself in the bathroom,” Jack tells her with a sheepish
this man never ceases to amaze me; the bullshit well he
constantly draws from never seems to go dry.
my own fault, the lock has been sticking for a long time and I
should have fixed it, but you know me and…”
Sam supplies with a wink at me.
he shrugs, ‘dumb Jack’ mode fully engaged and shamelessly
presented for Sam to take full advantage of.
should have said something,” Sam scolds him like
he’s a retarded five year-old. “I would have fixed that
door for you in no time. What would you
have done if this had happened when you were here alone?”
right, I mean she has to be, she can’t honestly
believe a man with Jack’s training
and background, not to mention his field experience –
the man is a colonel in the United States Air
Force, he didn’t get those birds out of a Cracker Jack box,
although he’d rather die than admit it he’s got almost
as many degrees as I do!
does she really think he is, and if she really believes that
with love, real or imagined, I’m suddenly wondering if Sam
even likes Jack.
guess I would have had a problem,” Jack replies, keeping the
dumb act going strong. “But
lucky for me, my hero here,” Jack pats me on the shoulder
and flashes a proud smile ‘round the room.
“Daniel to the rescue.
He got me out.”
locked in,” Sam says slowly.
“And you called for Daniel, not…”
trails away, she’s silent for a second.
called for Daniel.”
eyes dart from Jack to me, and then back again, assessing, a
troubled crease beginning to form between her brows and for
just a second there’s something…almost cold…
sure what I’m seeing, not sure what she’s thinking, but
all of a sudden, I don’t know why, but I’m feeling…
missed the end of the movie, you know,” she lightly accuses.
yeah, sorry about that,” Jack returns, bypassing the couch
and throwing himself into the chair I’ve formerly been
occupying. “But I’m sure
you’ll catch us up.”
Jack, for taking my chair you rat bastard, I don’t want to
sit near her either, we did clean up, but still, both of us
are still exuding a slightly…musky odour not entirely masked
by some hasty ablutions consisting mostly of a liberal
lathering of critical body surfaces with Irish Spring…
to dump some aftershave in my shorts, but after I told him
I’d break his nose first he wisely backed off.
I’d be more than happy to, but I can’t tonight,” Sam
informs us while starting to gather up her plate, fork and
beer glass to take them on through to the kitchen.
“Huh?” Jack grunts.
calling it a night early, Colonel,” Sam halts, plate in one
hand, glass in the other, and stares at Jack.
Her posture screams ‘significant statement
forthcoming’ and for sure, whatever bomb she’s about to
drop, she wants a clear and unobstructed view of Jack’s
that’s too bad,” Jack fires back, a little too eagerly,
and he’s on his feet just as quickly.
let me get these for you.”
try and hide your disappointment.
I think pushing her out the door will definitely blow
your cover as well.
Sam continues, trying not to visibly react to the alacrity
with which Jack snatches her last remaining excuses to linger
from her hands. “And I’m sorry to
say, you guys are on your own tomorrow.”
Jack, bless him, is making a manfully heroic effort to hide
He gets any
more depressed he’ll be dancing a jig.
huh,” Sam nods. She hesitates,
obviously seriously reconsidering proceeding with the rest
of her ‘announcement’ in the light of Jack’s barely restrained
glee at what’s come out of her mouth so far, definitely
not the reaction she was hoping for, obviously, but then
she takes a deep breath and decides to go for full disclosure.
got a date,” she says proudly, thrusting her chin out, eyes
locked to Jack’s.
it is. She’s tossed the
gauntlet at Jack’s feet, hoping like crazy he’ll pick it
– and her - up.
Tell me not
to go she screams at him
without saying a word.
good for you, Carter!” Jack beams at her.
it’s not – like that.“ she hastens to add.
“Not a real date, I mean. I’ve never met
him. He’s a friend of my brother’s.
All I know about him is his name is Pete.
He’s a cop, he lives in Denver.”
date then, Carter?” Jack
grins. “Sounds like fun!”
doing it as a favour for Mark,” she says quickly.
“That’s the only…reason.
But – I - I don’t have to, that is, I can call it
off, if you’d rather – “
please ask me to stay.
“Don’t want to break up the
team,” she finishes weakly, her eyes getting a desperate
edge around them as she searches Jack’s face for some sign
he’s not good with her going out with another guy.
And not seeing it.
“No, no Carter, you go on
ahead, you go out and have a good time.
Don’t worry about us, Daniel and I will manage
somehow without you.”
Sam’s face shuts down, her
mouth set in a hard, firm line she swings around and scoops
up her purse.
“I’m sure you will,” she
mutters before pushing past Jack and blowing by me like
I’m not even in the room.
Well, there she goes. Somehow
I don’t think she’ll be back.
She sweeps down the hall
toward the front door, an uncomfortable silence and the
both of us in her wake.
Just as I think things have
gotten as awkward as they can she pauses at the front door
and turns to deliver her parting shot.
“Well, I’ll be going now,”
she intones, unnecessarily. “I trust
you’ll see Daniel gets home,” she says to Jack in clipped,
I don’t care what happens
to him, he’s your problem now.
“I assure you he’s in good
Sam’s eyes narrow, and she
turns her attention to me for the first time. For a fleeting, ephemeral instant the
look she shoots me is so venomous, I feel something cold
and terrible slice right through my heart.
“Oh Daniel, I won’t be able
to pick you up in the morning. I
hope that won’t be too inconvenient.”
I’m guessing our carpooling
days are officially over.
She doesn’t wait for an answer,
just pulls the door open, slips through it, and slams it
And just like that…she’s
I think…I think she’s really…
I stand there, staring stupidly
at Jack’s front door, the sound it made still echoing within
Why do I ache inside and
why does it feel like – Sam shut that door on – on me.
I’m never going to see my
“Daniel I’m so sorry,” Jack
says softly, touching me tentatively on the shoulder.
“I know,” I manage to choke
out before twisting swiftly around into his welcoming arms
to lose myself in his anchoring embrace.
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