O'NEILL ASCENDANT  BY PHOENIXE
Slash:  Jack and Daniel involved in a loving and committed relationship, which usually involves sex.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Pre-slash, Angst, AU? Friendship. J/D
Season/Spoilers: Season 6 Major spoilers for Abyss.
Synopsis: Daniel has come back for Jack and he's not taking NO! for an answer.
Warnings: language.  Mention of canon character death.
Length:  67 Kb  Originally completed Oct/Nov 04. Posted to the net 27 Nov 05. 

Notes:  This story originally debuted in the 'Make it Write' Zine.  I firmly believe if Jack and Daniel had been able to express their true characters within the 'Abyss' scenario, were their actions and reactions to each other not forced to conform to the character-distorting requirements of episodic television, then there was only one possible ending for 'Abyss.'  And it wasn't the one filmed... 


 

"There isn't always a way out, Jack."

That's Daniel saying this.  To me. 

Daniel.

That is, the flow-thro but not see-through guy in white standing beside me currently spouting all this Oma-style Zen crap, he looks like Daniel.  Sure doesn't sound like him, though.  There isn't always a way out? This, from the original 'thinks outside the box, where there's a will, there's Daniel', boy?    What the fuck kind of crap is that?  Since when does Daniel, my Daniel, ever give up?  Ever?  Is this what being squidified does to you?    If so, it sucks. 

Who the hell are you and what did you do with my buddy Daniel?  And while you're at it, could you go and get him please?  I really need busting out of this dump.  You, whoever the hell you are, might not feel like doing squat for me but he sure would.

My Daniel – he wouldn't let me down.

"Hey," I mutter as I turn away from him.  "If that was true I'd have been dead a long time ago."

I'm not buying this crap.  There's a way out.  Blast a hole in the damned wall.  Too damned easy.  Your new buddies have flattened whole planets.  One crumby little wall wouldn't take much sweat off your cyber-ass.

This is too weird.  I can't help feeling like I've left more than a few of my marbles back there in the sarc.  Yeah, 'Daniel' and I seem to be having this lovely conversation and all, but I'm still not entirely sure he's for real.  Well, as real as anyone is you can toss a shoe through.  Yeah, sure, he keeps telling me he's the real deal, but I'm not ruling out the possibility 'Daniel' is some kind of vision, a delusional by-product of the whole sarcophagus experience.  Sure, he looks kosher, and if seeing is believing, well, I'd be feeling just fine, but it's what I'm hearing that's giving me pause. All this 'I can but I can't' bullshit 'Daniel’ has been spouting ever since he supposedly got here?  Since when has Daniel Jackson ever played by the rules? 

Anybody's rules?

So, if ‘Daniel’ is merely a simple manifestation of my own peculiar brand of mind-fuck, if I'm only seeing him because I want to see him, well then why wouldn't I have conjured up a Daniel who'd do what he was told?

Oh wait – I think I just found the flaw in my fantasy. Daniel has only ever done what I want him to in my dreams.  And I can’t be doing that right now, because if I'm dreaming he'd be doing something a lot more interesting and he'd be a damned sight more cooperative, so, as he isn't either, ergo I’m not dreaming.

Bite me, this really must be Daniel.

Right?

Goddammit, Daniel, or whoever the fuck this is staring a hole through my back, isn't making any sense and this whole scenario has me so damned confused I don't know which end is up.  Ha ha. No pun intended. 

I've been having a really bad day. I wake up in this hell hole – haven't got a clue how I got here, and there's this psycho Goould – yeah, I know, they're all pretty much out there to begin with but this guy is in a class all by himself – asking me a bunch of questions I can't answer and getting his kicks out of torturing me to death and then sticking me in the sarcophagus spin cycle and starting the whole, horrifying process all over again.

Pop goes the colonel.  Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Jack in the Box'.

They take me out of one box, put me into another one and then whoops – there's my dead friend Daniel!  Well, he says he's really here, even though he's not…all there, in the physical sense.  He says he's energy.  I'm very happy for him. Whatever the hell he is.  No, really.

Daniel.  What do you know about that. Well, be he squid or sarc-stuff, he's looking good.   Glowing agrees with him. The wardrobe ain't half bad either.  So, apparently ditching me and getting squidified was the best career move he's ever made.  Leave the SGC, see the universe.  Hi ho, Silver, away!

Well whoop de do for him.

But now he's back.  Stopping by to visit an old friend.  So he says.  Nice to know I figured in there somewhere in his transcendental, trans-galactic itinerary.  You gotta wonder, though, if everything out there is so damn peachy, why he'd even bother.  With all the cosmically huge stuff he's probably got on his plate now, why would he even care what this stupid son of a bitch was up to?

I whirl, a smart-assed comment poised on the tip of my tongue, but the contrary bastard is ready for me. Daniel's eyes flare with contentious fire, the sight of those sparks making me ache with memory and loss.  God, how many times have I seen that stubborn, relentless face?  In mine.  He's loaded for bear and he's not taking 'fuck off' for an answer. 

Some things never change.  Thank God.

That's more like it.  There's the Daniel I know and love.  My favourite terrier, not going to let go of his latest bone.  Or give up until he succeeds in shoving it down my throat. 

Damn, I missed this, Dannyboy.  Missed you, too.

"How many more times do you think you can go into that sarcophagus before it starts changing you?" he demands, shaking off my scowling scepticism like water off a dog's back.  "How many times has it been already?"

God, don't remind me.  Don't know don't care.  All I do know – there's no way in hell I want to go through that again!

"It can regenerate your body, make you strong enough to go through that all over again but all the time it's destroying who you are.  And once that happens, you won't be able to ascend no matter how much you want to."

Who says I even want to?  This whole ascension thing is your idea, bucko, not mine.  Not the best one you've ever had, either!  Cut the New Age crap already, Daniel, and make with the lightning bolts.  Zap me out of here!  Or if that's too frigging much to ask, knock out the door and then turn your back.  Leave the rest to me.  I'll be fine.

Daniel?  Come on, Daniel, stop kidding around, here.  Let's go! 

We're having one of our 'differences of opinion' at the moment, but it's not like that's never happened before.  Daniel – he's got some sort of a bee in his bonnet or something, maybe he's still pissed at me because of…well, we weren't exactly getting on like a house on fire before he…left me.  I've already lost enough sleep since wondering if I'd given him….something…anything - he'd have stayed. 

But there’s no point opening that old wound.  Back to the problem at hand and why he’s playing so hard to get right now.   Has to be because he’s still a tad put out with me.  Yeah, that’s it.  That works. Daniel is pretending to hold out with the helping hand stuff because he's still pissed about…stuff, and he's just making me sweat for a while to get back at me.  He'll come around and come through like he always does when he's satisfied I've done enough perspiring.

That's what all this is; it's a joke, right?  You're not serious!  You're gonna let good old Jack twist for a bit, giving me the gears with the holier-than-thou crap pretending you're not really, actually – you're not gonna….

And then you will.  Right?

Right?

Daniel is staring at me with huge, sad eyes dripping with sorrowful sincerity and suddenly…  God, I'm not so sure I know anything any more.   Everything I thought was absolute, certain, everything I thought I knew about Daniel, about me, about us…

Crap, he's not kidding, he means it!

And right now he's scaring me more than anticipating my next impending session as a fly on Bocce-boy's web.   Maybe I didn't always act like it, or tell him nearly often enough, but of all the people I've ever known, Daniel was the one I believed in the most.

I believed in you, Daniel.  Trusted you with my soul!  Swear to God! But…if I can't do that now – what have I got left?

Daniel, Daniel, you're killing me, here.  It's me!  Jack!  Cut the crap and GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

"Hey, I appreciate what you're trying to do," I manage to mumble. Which is a pretty damned impressive accomplishment, trust me, because at the moment, on the inside, I'm screaming.

I'm scared.  Guts turning to ice, about to crap my drawers scared.  I can't remember being more fucking terrified in my life, and I've had plenty of shit scared out of me in my time.  God, oh God this is not happening – not!  This is Daniel, it has to be, 'cause if he's not really here, or here to get me out of here, I'm so dead.  Again and again and again.  I can't deal with that, I can't, I just can't.

He's here.  He's here.  Keep telling yourself that, Jack and it'll be true. It will.  So, it didn't work when you were five and Scooter was still dead after Mr. Borden accidentally hit him with his car and it didn't work with Charlie and it sure as shit didn't work while you were watching Daniel slowly drown to death in his own bodily fluids but you need it to work now so it will.  It will.  It will.

It will.

Daniel is here.  Here is Daniel.  He's on my side.  Always has been, always will be.  It'll be fine.

I know Daniel.  Even if he means all this 'can't break the rules' crap, he doesn't really mean it.  Not Daniel!    Maybe Oma's put some kind of mind whammy on him.  Yeah, that's it, that's what's happening.  She's got him all turned around with the Buddhist bullshit. He's confused, but this is not a problem.  I can deal with this.   I'll talk to him and he'll come around, he'll bust me out of here, I just have to come at him the right way, slap some goddamned sense into him!

I can do this.  I can do this.  Stay calm, Jack, talk to the man.  Sure, he may be spouting Momma Desalad's party line for the moment, but knuckling under to anyone is not his style. His mouth may be saying 'no, no, no', but he's not fooling me, he's dying to kick ass.  Hell, ever since the first day I laid eyes on him he's bucked everyone from spooks to System Lords.  He's not gonna roll over for a bunch of DayGlo squids.

He might be able to glow with the gang, but underneath all the glitz he's still Daniel.  God help me, he has to be.

He won't leave me here.  He won't let this happen to me again.  He won't.  He'll help me, of course he will.  This is Daniel we're talking about.  He's never given up on me, never let me down, never walked out on me…

Oh wait.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't think you could do it," Daniel says with a small smile that breaks my heart.

I've had dreams about this – well, not this – but him, coming back to me, walking into my living room with a cheery 'Hi Jack', like he never left.  Lots of dreams like that.  I'm not kidding myself, I know why he left me, I can't say I blame him, I all but drove him to it.  I can understand the leaving…thing.  What I'm having a problem with, now, though…

Daniel, you of all people have to know there's no way in hell I'm gonna make the Squid Squad no matter what you're spouting, so if you haven't come back to bust me out, why have you come back?

"This is me we're talking about!"  I snarl at him.

Me.  The stupid son of a bitch who shut you out, turned his back on you, beat you off until you beat it right into Oma's arms.  Other than my late, no longer lamented ex, if I've ever given anyone in this entire universe more than enough cause to hate me, it's you.

So do you, Daniel?  Hate me?  Is that what this is really all about?  Payback for all the suffering I've caused you? Or have you just come back to gloat?

Not very enlightened, but all too human.  That I can understand too.

"Yes, it is," he earnestly presses.   "Now please, just try to open your mind."

"Stop it, will ya?"  I snarl at him.  I'd have better luck opening up this cell or Baal's stony heart with my teeth than 'opening my mind'.  Fuck, I haven't got a spiritual bone in my body.  Plenty of other nasty bits, but anything resembling anything that's even half as good as you?

Fat chance.

Come on, Daniel, this is me we're talking about.  Black Jack Shellac. Scourge of the Universe.  Nobody knows me better than you!

"Come on, Jack!" he cries.  "You - you think the Asgard named a ship after you because they thought it was a cool name?  Now's not the time to play dumb, you're a lot smarter than that!  They saw our potential in you!  Because of who you are and what you've done.  Humanity's potential.  That's the same thing Oma saw in me."

That's the stupidest thing he's ever said.  Who I am is exactly why Oma and her gang wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot tentacle.  They definitely wouldn't want me as a member of their galaxy-high club. Hell, think what having me around would do to the property values!

There goes the neighbourhood.

"I am not you!"

Okay I'm yelling now, but he keeps banging on about this ascension bullshit and it's starting to piss me off.  So is he.  If that's all he's here for, to give me a jumpstart, then he might as well glow back to where he came from.  It's impossible, not gonna happen and what I need from him – he's not gonna give me.  I'm running out of time, they're gonna be back for me soon. 

Crap, I am so hooped!

"Yeah, when has that ever stopped you from doing anything?"  he says with a sad, fond smile.

I could ask you the same question, Daniel.  Oh, what the hell, why not?

"Okay, put yourself in my shoes and me in yours, " I start to lay it out for him.  I've got to get through to him, somehow.  I can't let them take me back there, I just can't!

"You'd be here for me," he instantly responds.

Hah!  Got ya!

"Damned straight!"  I fire back at him.  "I'd have busted you out, blown this rat hole to hell and made sure that son of a bitch suffered!"

I'd nuke the whole fucking solar system if that's what it took to get you out of here.  Wouldn't think twice.  Wouldn't let a passle of glowing motherfuckers stop me either!

"The others would have stopped you," he admonishes.

So?  Them and whose army?  They’d be welcome to try!

"They'd have a hell of a fight on their hands!"  I snap back.

Daniel starts to say something else but I'm done listening to this shit.

"Baal would be dead!'  I snarl.

"Jack!"

Not listening!

"Don't think I'd stop there!"

"You're a better man than that!"

Still not listening!

"THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG!" I roar.

I'll never be as good as you.  Never be good enough for you.  End of this stupid discussion.

I didn't say that out loud, but from the look on Daniel's face, I might as well have. His eyes go wide with anguish, his lips twisting with frustrated pain.  He looks so desolate it hurts.

Yeah well, the truth sucks, Daniel, but there it is.  It's about time you got it I'm nothing but a shit.  No good through and through. That much, has not changed.

"You really believe that," he sighs with defeat and hangs his head.  "You really do.  As long as you do, you can't – you won't be able…  Dammit, Jack!" he rallies, snapping his head up, glaring furiously at me.  "You can do this!"

"Not gonna happen," I say wearily.  His dismay has broken my anger.  I don't want to argue any more.  I can't help him; he obviously won't help me. That's all she wrote.  There doesn't seem to be a lot left to say except, thanks for dropping by.  "But it's nice of you to say so."

Angry tears glisten in his earnest eyes.  "What you believe about yourself…oh Jack, you're wrong.  You're so wrong! If you could see yourself…if only there was a way I could make you understand…" 

He takes a step back, sighing deeply, his eyes swimming with regret.  He's giving up.  Oh God, this is it, he can't have what he came for, so he's gonna go.  Daniel – Daniel I'm sorry I couldn't glow for ya, but there's gotta be another way, something

Don't leave me!

"Omigawd!"  he cries, cracking a huge smile.  The light of revelation literally makes him shine with happiness.  "Jack, I've been an idiot!  There is a way, there is something I can do, now, to help you get it, now that I'm…" he waggles a hand at himself.  "This.   I can show you…you!"

He breaks off from babbling and shrugs.  "Sorry, I forgot I knew how.  I'm new at this."

Um – what?

I don't have time for much more than that before Daniel flashes me a shy smile and starts walking toward me.

"This won't hurt a bit," he whispers as he walks right through me.

No, not through me, into me. 

Daniel, he's inside me.  Daniel, in my skin with me, his everything wrapping around me, like a big warm hug.  This is hands-down the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me but it doesn't feel the slightest bit creepy.  I'm calm, I'm clear, like it's the most natural thing in the world for my best friend's essence to be mingling with mine so he can show me what I really am.

Oh.  That's what he meant, that's what he's doing.  Well, why not?  I can think of worse ways of killing a minute or two.

My mind fills with soft chuckles silvering through my synapses.  Nice to know I can still crack you up.

Jack…

That's my name, four little letters that have always stood for 'me'; said 'em, heard 'em thousands of times, from his lips always the sweetest, but this is the first time I've felt what that simple syllable means to the one who makes me complete every time he speaks me into being.  He's invoked me more than any other but every time he's called to me I never knew what he was really saying.  What 'Jack' means to him, what I…mean.

It's enough to take your breath away, it's humbling, it's fricking mind-blowing.  I never knew I meant this much to anyone.  Which in itself should be scaring the crap out of me but it's not.

It's not.  I don't understand why, but I'm not scared.  I'm…

Jack…

He speaks me again, filling me with the peace.  The first real peace I've known since he left me.  It doesn't scare me to realise that either.  I'm calm now, serene, even, all my fears and doubts dropping away like dandruff as he calls to me, hoping I will follow.  I don't have to do this, I don't have to listen, don't even have to let him stay, but his quiet conviction I'll be brave enough to face myself is more than enough for me to agree to give it a go.  If for no other reason I can't bear to disappoint him.

Okay, Daniel, hit me.

There's no warning, announcement, fanfare, not even a frigging brass band.  One second I'm standing inside myself waiting for…whatever, and the next…

I see the man Daniel loves

And that would be me.  That's the first big surprise, not that Daniel loves me, I knew he had a soft spot for me, well, he'd have to, wouldn't he, to have put up with my crap for as long as he has, but you see, he doesn't just love me, he loves me.

Me.  That's huge enough, but what's even more difficult to get my head around – he knows so much about me, really knows me and yet…

He still loves me.

I never understood why Daniel was my friend.  I mean, look at the pair of us, it's pretty unlikely two guys as different as us would be able to hold off killing each other long enough to even be able to be in the same room, never mind…all the rest of it.  I just didn't get how someone like Daniel could get past what I am, what I've done, what I stand for, and want to be my friend.  I initially wondered if it was some sort of bizarre hero worship but I got over that one pretty quick.  Then I thought maybe all these years he's been doing the 'turning a blind eye' thing when it came to facing the music about exactly what kind of a loveless bastard I really am.

Never knew for sure what it was he saw me, but I have wondered.

Well, I'm not wondering any longer.  Daniel knows exactly what I am; he's always known.  And he's loved me anyway. The plain, unvarnished Jack O'Neill, he's had my number, all right. All this time.  Who better?  He was with me at the absolute nadir of my existence, the lowest point I've ever sunk to.  You don't get much lower than planning to murder thousands of innocent people in cold blood.  Even if you intended to go up with them.

  Daniel knows that about me and more; he's had a front row seat to every wart, wrinkle and dark, unspeakable spot I've scored on my soul ever since.  He's seen it all, knows exactly what is coming as it all splays out before me, he’s right by my side, right with me as we consider the tattered escutcheon of my shabby, blighted life.  We look, unflinching, seeking my measure and I'm braced for the bottom-line, but my worst expectations get put on hold with the unexpected understanding these sordid certainties aren't the sum of me.  Nor are they what I've come here to learn.  While they might be 'true', they're still not my 'truth'.

Apparently.

Yes, I've done bad things.  Done good things too.  My deeds, both black and white, stacked up on opposite sides for the assaying, if they are to be the sole criteria for the weighing of my life – if what I've done is what I am to be ultimately judged by, the scales aren't rendering the final verdict.  I'm puzzled by this, but then I realise it's because the buck doesn't stop here, and neither should we. There's more, I have to go deeper, see further, understand beyond action, beneath the debits and the credits of my life, there's what it all means, and that's where I'll see what I'm ultimately all about.

Intention.

Daniel whispers encouragingly through my thoughts as he gently sends me forward to meet the real me.

And there it is and so are we. Me. My essential truth.   No matter what I've done, no matter how it turned out, this is what I did it for.  This is what I've tried to achieve with every breath I've taken.  This is why I keep on breathing, and trying, and doing anything at all. 

This is why I didn't pull the trigger that day, or any other day I danced the lambada of loathing with the succubus of self-immolation.

And why I've loved Daniel too, practically from the first moment I saw him, because he so much is what I've always wanted to be, without ever realising I've been it and had it, and him, inside me, all along.

But I think I see it now.

Oma once told me the universe is vast and we're very small.  There's only one thing we can ever truly control.

What?

Our intention.  Whether we are good, or evil.

I'll be damned.

No you won't.  You understand now, you see it, don't you?

What Oma saw in you – why she offered to help you glow…

It's the same, Jack.  We're the same.  I chose to be good, and so have you.

So, if that's the reason why you could glow…

You can do this, Jack, you can come with me, you have to believe, you have to let go…

Or what, Daniel? Enlightenment isn't mandatory.  Even though I have 'seen', I can still decline the offered cup.  Wouldn't be the first really stupid thing I've ever done in my life.  Definitely would be the last, though.

I've never believed in myself the way he does, and even now, his strong, unsullied faith in me shines like this huge fucking beacon in the middle of my mind.  Almost as bright a light as he is, and that’s when I realise this whole revelatory process is a two way street.  He's in me, around me, through me, in order to show me – me – he's wide open.

Peek a boo, I see you!

I just have to think about wanting it and suddenly I'm in him, his thoughts, his memories, and the images, the feelings flooding through me, holy crap, I can't believe it, but the son of a bitch has actually danced in the heart of a sun.  And I didn't even know he could mambo!  My God, what he's seen, what he's done!  And what's still out there for him to get down and dirty with!  Only the whole freaking universe!  In the short span of time he's been a squid he's racked up some pretty impressive frequent flyer miles but even with all that trans-galactic truckin' he's barely dipped his toe in the universal wonder pool.  He's so beautiful; just looking at him is almost more than I can handle.  I'm gonna sizzle my synapses trying to contain all he is.

Is this what it's like to be able to rub elbows with God?

Woah….

Okay, while I'm pretty impressed with what my good buddy has become, the one thing I'm not getting – you'd think for him being souped-up into his heart's desire and given the ways and the means to be a pretty damned near ultimate force for goodness I'd be reading a lot more happiness in these recollections.  But there's something…kinda sad… underneath all the awe and exaltation.

Emptiness?  It wasn't enough?  My God, Daniel you could have the entire universe in the palm of your hand and it wasn't enough?  What else could someone like you, with all you can now see, be, and know, what else could you possibly…

Oh.

Now do you understand?

Why you really came back?  Oh yeah, I get it now, and a whole lot more.  You came back for me. 

Everything I've become – everything I can do, Jack, it doesn't MEAN anything.

Without me.  And you're not leaving…

Without you. I'm never leaving you again. Jack. We go together.

Or we don't go at all.

Crap, he means it!  He wasn't just being an asshole, before, he really can't bust me out! I get that now, I can see it, there are so many of them and only one of him, if he tries to break the rules they'll stomp him but good, pull him outta here, forever, and that's all she wrote for me. For us.  But he's not gonna let that happen.  He's come back for me, for good.  He's never going to leave me again, we're never going to be apart again and if I say no go to glow – he can't save me any other way.  So, to keep his word he'll give it all up, he'll step down from heaven for me, and stay with me here in hell.

Daniel, you can't do this!  You'll die!

I hope not.  But that's up to you, Jack.   I sure don't want to die, but I don't want to live without you either. In heaven, or hell.  If you won't come with me, then I'm staying here with you.  Your choice.

  Daniel, there's an 'E' word for what you're pulling, here, and it's not 'Enlightenment.'

What's your point?

You're not allowed to interfere, remember?  Your glowy buddies will stop you.

No, they won't. I'm not interfering, I'm simply exercising my right to decide the course of my own destiny.  Like you said, Enlightenment isn't mandatory.  If I choose to give it up, that's no one's business but mine.

You would do it too.  You'd kick yourself out of glowydom, strand yourself in this snake-pit with me, and take an equal share of everything Baal was planning to do to me.  You'd trade in the entire universe for a stellar opportunity to die like a dog at the side of the stupidest, most selfish son of a bitch in all creation.  'Cause that's what I would be, if I let something as trivial as my dumb-ass self-doubt destroy you too.

Not gonna happen, Danny.  Not if I have anything to say about it.  And you know what, for once, I do. The universe isn't going to lose your light, although it may yet regret having to take me as part of the bargain.   I still don't see how, but if you say I can, that's good enough for me.

I love you.

Because of you, I love me too.

Glow me.

Trust me, and let go.

Daniel's joy swells inside me expanding me with ecstasy, filling every atom of my being and still growing, pushing us outward, beyond…everything I am and understand.  For a second I'm scared.  What he is, is so…so…it's bigger than anything I've ever imagined and there's still no seeming limit to what he can become but I'm so small, finite, how can I possibly contain this – him - his exaltation, as magnificent as it is, it has to eventually destroy me, tear me utterly asunder.

But it doesn't.  And it won't.  Daniel would never hurt me.  Every part of him that's touching me and pushing me out past the boundaries of anything I believe to be possible is love.  And where he's taking us, there's no hurting, hate or fear.

We're together, still growing way past the point where even Carter could comprehend what we're becoming, but I don't worry about the how or why.  I trust Daniel.  Nothing else matters and I don't even miss it as I shrug past the dross of what I used to be, sloughing off my body, my entire former existence like an unneeded skin, it’s easier than taking a deep, cleansing breath, casting off everything that no longer matters so I can go with him, follow him, be with him, come to him naked, fresh and clean.

Pure as the driven…stars… 

I am he and he are we and we are all together.  This is sooooo cooool…

There, that didn't hurt, now did it?

Holy crap!  That's it?  It's done? Look Ma, no hands! Get outta town, I'm glowing!  So how do I look?  Is my butt too big?

Jack, you don't have a butt anymore.

Oh, right. No butt.  So I guess ass-kicking is going to be a strictly metaphorical exercise from now on.

Trust me, you won't miss it.  There are…compensations.

Oooh, that sounds dirty.  I like it!   So, how do we do this?  What do we do now?  Where do we go?

Where do you want to go?

I dunno, where do you wanna go?

Asked you first.

We could kick some Goold butt.

No, we can't.

First Baal.  I owe that bastard more than a couple.  Then Anubis.

Jack…

Daniel, come on!  What's the point of being – this – of having all these nifty bells and whistles if you don't USE 'em?

Welcome to our world, Jack.  We can look all we want, but we can't intervene.  Those are the rules.

Rules, schmules, well, we'll see about that.  You know me and rules.  Hey, you too, for that matter.  What the hey, the worst they can do to us is kick us out, right?  And even if they do, as long as we're together…

They’ll have to catch us first.

That's my boy!  So let me see if I understand the deal, here.  Basically, we've got all of creation to mess around in? As long as we don't mess anything up.

That's about right.

Sounds like fun.  Is it okay if we make a quick stop at the SGC?  Do a flyby, wave bye-bye to the old stomping grounds? 

You want to let them know you're okay.

If we don't, they're never gonna know what happened to me. They should at least know they can stop looking, for starters.  It wouldn't be right to glow off and leave them worrying for no reason.  That wouldn't be breaking the rules, would it?  If we paid Carter and Teal'c a little visit, to set their minds at ease? Besides, before we – glow, I really should resign.  I know it sounds kinda silly, now, all things considered, but…  I just should. It's the right thing to do.

Yeah, I think that's doable.

Great!  As long as we're there, why don't we ask the big guy to tape the Simpson, then we could drop in, occasionally, hang out, catch up, have a beer, yeah, I know, Teal'c doesn't drink beer but I'm sure he'd keep some around for a couple of friends – oh, wait a minute, here's a thought, can we drink beer now?

Jack…

Daniel, have you ever wondered what colour underwear Carter wears?

Oh God, what have I done?

This is gonna be GREAT! Look out universe, here we come!  Come on, Danny, I'll race ya! Last one to the end of time is a rotten egg!

FINIS




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Biblio, PhoenixE, babs, Brionhet, Darcy, Devra, Fabrisse, JoaG, Kalimyre, Marcia, Rowan and Sideburns, 2001-2008.
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