Slash:  Jack and Daniel involved in a loving and committed relationship, which usually involves sex.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humour, Angst, Inebriation.
Season/Spoilers: Not Season specific but before Heroes 'cause Janet's in it!
Synopsis: Two friends who had designs on a certain pair of men make a shocking discovery said men are more than friends. Disappointment ensues, and much commiseration.  Alcohol is definitely involved.
Warnings: Nada
Length:  40 Kb  Posted to the net 28 Jan 06



“I don’t know about you, I sure never saw that coming.”

“Hey, you and me both, girlfriend!”

“The Colonel...”

“And Daniel.”


“And the Colonel.” 


“Uh hun.”

“You don’t suppose, we didn’t really see what we thought we saw?  Maybe we’ve got it wrong, there was another explanation for…why the Colonel was…doing… Daniel, like, perhaps they were, he was…”

“Flossing Daniel’s teeth with his tongue?  Honeychile, I’m a doctor, not a dentist, but I’m reasonably certain what they were engaged in was not the correct procedure for removing food particles from between the teeth.  Besides, I didn’t see any…floss.  Did you?”

“Nope.  Lots of tongue, though.”

“Lots and lots.”

“Holy Hannah.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Sam, but there’s no way to explain away what we just saw.  It was exactly what it looked like.” 

“And it looked like…”  

“Let’s face it, if they’re not already doing it, they soon will be.”

“What we saw…”


“I wonder how long they’ve been…”


“Geez, Janet!  You made me spill my beer!  Flossing!  God, that’s funny.”

“You weren’t laughing three beers ago.”

“Yes, well, alcohol, the great – great…”


“Yeah, that.  Is that even a word?”

“I have no idea.  Daniel would know.  Hey, maybe we should ask him.”

“I dunno, he’s probably still busy – “

“Don’t you dare say it!”

“Hey, you started it.  And stop giggling.”

"Who, me?”

“I’m not kidding, there’s nothing funny about this – that – them.  What we saw.” 

“I beg to differ, it’s incredibly funny. In a tragically twisted kind of way, as it would seem the joke is on us.”

“Actually, trying not to think about it, which was, I thought, the whole point of this exercise.”

“You mean the slinking back to your place with all the beer we could carry and drowning our sorrows…thing?  Oh and speaking of beer, drink up.  You’re falling behind.”

“Don’t you worry, squirt, I can keep up with you, the day a medical midget can drink me under the table – “

“Daniel and the Colonel.  My god, I still can’t believe it.”

“How do you think I feel?  All those years thinking he… and… and…  God, I’m such an idiot!”

“Well, move over, you’re not the only one.”

“Yeah, I know you were hoping you and Daniel…”

“Don’t remind me.  I’m drinking to forget.”

“That son of a bitch, I wonder if he ever… even a little bit.  Or has he been leading me on all this time, using me to – to – “

“Sam, honey, don’t go there.  It’s not worth it.  We’ll never know if either one of them… that is, either one of us ever had a chance...with either one of them.  Um, that didn’t come out quite right, but you know what I mean.  I blame the beer.  But anyway, what I was trying to say, whatever might or might not have been, it’s kind of a moot point now. I think it’s pretty safe to say, the ship has sailed.”

“Shut up and pass me another beer.”



“You okay?”

“No.  But I will be.”

“That’s my girl. I know what we saw, but I still can’t get my head around it.  Daniel and the colonel.  Who would have thought?  Okay, I’ll admit seeing them…kissing, it was kind of a shock and yet, it was also kinda…well…you know!”

“You thought so too?”

“Oh yeah!  I mean, there’s hot and there’s hot, and then those two – phew!”

“They do look really good together, don’t they?”

“Yeah, they do, damn them.  What a waste.”

“You know what’s really funny?”

“Besides you and me, you mean?”

“If I had to lose the Colonel, not that I ever really had him, I guess, but if I had to lose out to anyone, I’m kinda glad it was Daniel.”

“You have to admit, if couldn’t be you, well, who else would it have been?  Daniel has always been the only one who could ever handle the colonel.  Hey, I wonder if he’s handling him now.”

“Janet!  I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Come on, Sam, aren’t you just a little bit, curious?  I mean, seeing them kissing was hot enough, but what about…”

“No, no, no, we’re not even going there…”

“I’ve seem them both naked.”

“Hey, me too.  I’ve never told anyone this, but there was that time on P3Z 845 when they were both, down by the lake we were camped by, and I – I hadn’t been able to raise the colonel on his com and I went down to find him…them… to let him know the general had called us back to the base and there they both were.  Not a stitch on ‘em.”

“Get out!”

“Nope, swear to god, naked as the day they were born.”

“Sam you’re kidding!  I can’t believe you never told me.  So, there they both were, together in the altogether in mid-mission.  And you didn’t find this a bit…odd?”

“They gave me some story about having fallen in one of the bogs bordering the lake – “

“What, both of them?”

“Yeah, I know it sounds lame now, but I swear, it made sense at the time.  Anyway, they said because they’d been…bogged down, they needed to wash off so that’s why they were….”


“Yeah.  That’s what they said, but now that I think about it, neither one of them were wet.  Can’t think why I missed it at the time.”

“Oh me either.  I can’t imagine how two incredibly gorgeous, hot, naked men on display in the great out of doors might have interfered with your observational or deductive reasoning skills.”

“Will you shut up!  Drink your beer, wench, and quit rubbing my nose in it.  It’s bad enough I’m having to deal with knowing I’ll probably never get to see that particular…display, again, ever, never mind I’ll never get the chance to get naked with the colonel because he’s getting naked…with Daniel.”

“I’m sorry, honey.  I know how much you were, how sure you were…”

“Yeah, me too.  Sure, I’m pretty disappointed and I’m as hurt as hell, anesthetic alcoholic effects aside, but you know what, I think I’m gonna live.”

“You bet you are.  That’s the spirit.  And you know what, it’s the colonel’s loss.  Bastard.  He doesn’t deserve you!”

“Same goes for Daniel and you.  He doesn’t know what he’s missing.  Here’s to you, hon.”

“And you.  And here’s to us.”

“Us.  You and me.  Too good for them.  Bastards.”

“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?  Pricks.  With pricks.”

“Pretty nice pricks, though, if memory serves.”

“Oh yeah they are, and it does.”

“Stop it!  Ooops, spilled my beer again.  Oh God, this is bizarre, I should be bawling my eyes out and I haven’t laughed this much since… the last time I laughed this much.”

“Laughing is good.  Sure beats the hell out of the alternative.”

“Oh God, I’ve got to stop or I’m gonna hurt myself. No, no it’s okay, I’ve got it. I’m good.  So, those two.  Them.  The pricks with their pricks.” 

“Who needs them, right?”

“Not us, that’s for damned sure.  We’ve got our pride.”

“And the beer.  Don’t forget the beer.”

“Hell no, thank God for the beer.  And not to worry, if we run out, I’ve got a back up plan.  Wait a minute, I’ve got a bottle, let me get it.  There we go, there it is.  Ah…nuts.”

“What is it, what have you got?  JackDaniels?  You’re kidding, right?”

“I think the universe hates us.”

“JackDaniels.  Jack…Daniel.  Jack with Daniel.  Daniel with Jack.  Okay, admittedly, at first the idea was pretty…well, you know but the more I think about it….”


“Come on, Sam, work with me here.  You saw them, right? That kiss, it was pretty…hot.”

“Yeah.  Come to think of it.  It was…kinda…okay, extremely.  So?”

“Sooooo, we’ve seen them both naked and we’re in agreement they’re hot. We’ve seen them sucking face, and again, hot, hot stuff.  Now, imagine what how hot they’d be kissing, naked and…together.”

“As in…together together.”



“Come on, you know you want to.”

“No, no, there’s no way.  That’s just the beer talking, we can’t, we couldn’t…”

“Come on, Sam, live a little.  It would sure beat sitting here feeling sorry for ourselves.”


“Think of it as payback.  After all the years those two strung us along, shouldn’t we get something out of it? And a little of our own back?”

“They owe us.”

“Now you’re talking!”

“No, it’s crazy. We shouldn’t.  We can’t.  Can we?”

“Where’s your camera?”

“No wait, even better.  Camcorder.”

“Oooh, I like the way you think.  Now all I need to do is find my keys.  You’re too drunk to drive.”

“Oh, and you’re any sober-er?  Yeah, right.”

“Shut up and get the camcorder.  I’ll call a cab.  Where the hell is the phone?  Even more important, where are my shoes?”

“Got it.  I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Believe it, because we are.  You gonna go out dressed like that?” 

“What’s wrong with – omigawd, how the hell did I – what is that, and how the heck did I get it all over my sweater?”

“I’m not sure, I think it’s – and it probably happened when we - you know, had to duck down, so they wouldn’t see us.”

“Oh yeah, I’d almost forgotten.  That’s never gonna come out, is it?”

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of it later, I have some…stuff. It’ll get it right out.  Go, shoo, get changed, the cab is on its way.”

“How’s this?”

“You look sensational.  And hey, I found my shoes. Got everything, we good to go?”

“Yeahsure you betcha.”

“God, you’re bad.  One for the road?”

“Why the hell not.  Here’s to – to?”

“Here’s to them, and us, and everybody getting exactly what’s coming to them.  What?”

“You said coming.”

“Honestly, stop being such an infant, you’re worse than the colonel.   Come on girl, let’s make tracks, the floorshow awaits.”

“We wouldn’t want them to start without us.”

On to Four's a Crowd


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Biblio, PhoenixE, babs, Brionhet, Darcy, Devra, Fabrisse, JoaG, Kalimyre, Marcia, Rowan and Sideburns, 2001-2008.
Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, Sci Fi Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. These stories are for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. These stories may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Copyright on images remains with the above named rightsholders.
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