DOWN PART TWO BY PHOENIXE
||Jack and Daniel involved in a loving and committed
relationship, which usually involves sex.
||Angst, First Time, Humour
||Pick one. Any time after season 3 Itty bitty spoiler
for Shades of Grey
||Jack and Daniel go head to head on the playing field
in an alien arena. One of them is going down!
||:Language. Skin. Lots and lots of skin.
||222 Kb Originally completed Mar 07. Posted here 1 Sep
Story Notes: This story was originally
written as a response to a monthly challenge on Pepe's list from a loooong,
long time ago. We were supposed to pick a story title from the issued
list and this is the one I chose. The month during which the challenge
was issued came and went, and the story languished on my hard drive, unfinished.
That is until I dusted it off and whipped it into shape for Chance and
the memorial zine I put together for her over a year ago. I had her very
much in mind while I was writing it. I hope I did her justice; pretty sure
she would have gotten a kick out of it. I think this is my ultimate Jack
and Daniel naked story, and not in the way one usually thinks of them being
together in the altogether. Certainly what I do to Daniel, well, read
it and find out. Heh. This story also contains what I personally feel
is the funniest line I've ever written. Still cracks me up every time I
see it. Anyone who wants to venture a guess which one, ask me and see
if you're right! Oh yeah, and those of you who have seen the 'In Our Hearts'
version, there is a new scene in this story, just after the gateroom scene.
And here we are, jogging
down a long, brightly lit, gently sloping
tunnel, Daniel and me, neck and neck,
our homies trotting along behind us. Daniel isn’t looking
at me, goes without saying he’s not
speaking to me either.
Suits me just fine. Even though, come
to think of it, the number of times
I’ve wished he’d stop prattling on
about this and that and he never does,
in this particular instance his sudden
silence is admittedly inconvenient. That is to say,
although I presume we’re headed for
the playing field, finally, I haven’t
got a clue what happens once we get
out there, or how you play the game,
even, but I’m thinking Daniel does,
or at least, if he doesn’t have the
entire picture, he’s got more of a
clue than me, and right now, if he
weren’t extremely pissed at me, which he
is, he’d be sharing, talking me through
it, telling me what comes next, which he
most definitely is not.
That is, if he knows. But, knowing him,
I’m betting he does.
Well, I guess we’ll
never know, one way or the other, ‘cause
for sure I’m getting nuthin’ out of
him right now. That’s
fine, it’s not like I’ve never had
to wing it before, this head on my
shoulders isn’t just decorative, I’ll
have you know, I’ve managed to get
by just fine in enemy territory with
virtually no intel on more than one
occasion before I had Anthroboy here
to interpret the universe for me.
I can get by on the
fly with the best of them.
From the looks of things we’d
better start flapping.
Oooh hoo, there’s
the light at the end of the tunnel.
Big one, big honking entrance
leading to…wherever the hell it is
we’re eventually ending up.
fixed immutably forward, jaw clenched
so tight a muscle in his cheek is practically
doing a Morse code dance Daniel trots
on through the gap like he knows exactly
what he’s doing, and I’m keeping right
wherever thou goest, and all that jazz. I’m with ya, pal. I might not know
which end is up, but no way I’m letting
you see me sweat.
I know Daniel said
the Quaar were nutso about this game
but there’s nutso and then there’s –
Now this, this is
This place is huge! My God, you could
fit three astrodomes under this
dome, wow…that’s a
looong way up there, almost can’t see
the top of this joint, holy shit, are
those clouds? Naaah, couldn’t
be. And as for the size of the playing
field… crap, I have to run the length
of this thing just once and
I’m gonna be dead!
Wooo, lookit all the people, tiers
and tiers of places for folks to park it,
stacks and banks of seats going
on up to the frigging sky, there must
be enough seating to accommodate everyone
on the frigging planet – and
it looks they’re all here!
The joint is packed!
The second we hit the field they all
go insane, a couple of zillion people
slam to their feet and holler their heads
off and this ear-shattering roar goes up,
so loud I swear the air around us is
I don’t even want to think about
what it’s doing to my eardrums.
Our happy little company doesn’t
break stride in the face of the heroic
reception; we keep jogging down the
sidelines while the crowd goes wild. A writhing, shrieking
mass of jumping, waving, screaming
fans streams past me, filling the periphery
of my vision, their enthusiasm not
only freaking me out but threatening
to deafen me in the bargain, but I
can’t go gawking on back at them at
the moment. I’m
trying to keep up, keep my wits about
me and keep focused on picking up the
steps from the silent man at my side
and then suddenly Daniel wheels right
Whoa! How the hell did
I miss this, I know it’s hard
not to be slightly overwhelmed by the
welcome, not to mention…God, this place
is big, but that…
Hovering over the
centre of the field is this cube, roughly
the size, and this is just a guess
here, of, oh, the planet, looks
like a giant video…thingee, with screens
on every side, and this voice is booming
out all around us, the commentator, I’m
guessing, oh wait, that’s my name, the
guy is talking about me, can’t
make out what he’s saying, though, but I
definitely heard my name. Whatever he’s telling
these folks, hope it’s something good. Yeah, it must be
everybody’s cheering, aw crap – look
up in the sky, Ma, that’s me, all over
the cube. Yikes,
talk about your close-ups; I’m blown
up big enough to fit up on
Crap, that isn’t even
my best side.
Wow. Lookit, I’m huge!
You could fly a missile
up my nose, but I don’t know why you’d
We keep jogging across
the field, crowd still going totally
nutso, fanfare blazing, lasers and
alien fireworks blasting from one end of
the dome to the other, so far as all of it
goes, discounting the whole Mount Rushmore
treatment, which I could have done
without, this is actually…not too bad. Also feeling kinda
familiar, in a weird sort of deja view
way. If I didn’t
know I was on another planet I could
swear I was smack dab in the middle
of the Superbowl, not a lot of difference
in what’s going on around here versus
the sort of pre-game hoopla in your
average astrodome in the good ole US
of A except, of course, when I’m seeing,
and experiencing, I’m usually…up
there, in the moderately expensive seats,
Yanno, this situation
is kind of ironic, actually, if you
think about it, I mean, considering
before I got rooked into this whole wild
ride what was uppermost on my mind was
getting the heck back home for the game,
so I guess you could say I sort of kind of
got my wish.
Who says the universe
doesn’t have a sense of humour?
You see, I got game,
but not quite the way I originally
figured it. In
my former blissful ignorance of what
was yet to come what I was originally
anticipating involved my rec room and the
wide screen, which I will admit is nowhere
in the same league as the alien version of
HD – that is the HUGE Definition action
we’ve got going here, but anyway, with
regards to my game, my
participatory expectations were definitely
much more of the spectator variety. Yep, the most strenuous
activity I was expecting during game
time was jumping up and down and yelling
when my team scored a goal, and walking
to the fridge to get another beer. Fully dressed, I
might add, although it is true I have
been known to indulge in the occasional
au natural viewing, however, that’s
something no one needs to know but
Yeah, clothing is
nice. Wish I
had a bit more now. Not to mention
a beer. Or several. Wonder if they even
have beer on this
planet, or a suitable alcoholic substitute.
Well if they do I have confidence Carter,
wherever the hell she is, has already
gathered the necessary intel. She’s probably having
mine as we speak.
God, more running. So far since hitting
this damned field after what already
feels like an eternity ago, we’ve been
jogging our guts out, and I gotta tell
you, this goes on much longer, I’m
gonna be too pooped for the main event. Although, I’m not
as tired as I probably should be, for
all the scampering I’ve been doing,
wonder if it’s got anything to do with
the stuff we’re running on, feels kinda
Whatever it is, it’s definitely
not Astroturf, for starters it’s white,
which is different, but I can live
with it, and then there’s the whole
trampoline effect which I’m actually
starting to think might be a really
good thing, considering how much time
I’m probably going to be spending being
slammed into the stuff and all.
Okay, we finally seem
to be actually going somewhere; we’re
headed for the big yellow oval under
the cube. Huge
white flash in the middle of the oval,
huge roar from the crowd, oh look,
it’s the Dodg, all decked out in this
glittering robe and pointy hat almost
three times as high as he is.
What, is he the ref or something?
Being the leader of the people
isn’t enough for him he’s gotta
moonlight as a sports official too? Oh well, guess
I should count my blessings; at least
he didn’t bring Carter with him.
As we get closer to
the obviously venerated head of this
particular state and the patch of ground
he’s standing on I can see two coloured
lines on either side of him, one green,
one blue, bisecting the entire length
of the yellow oval.
I can make a fair guess what my
next move should be and head for the green
line even as Daniel and his boys veer for
He hasn’t said a word, hasn’t
even looked my way once, so even though
we’ve finally, I hope, arrived, I’m
still as much in the dark as when this
whole carnival commenced.
So, I don’t know what
I’m doing. So
what. When have
I ever let that stop me? Who
needs you, Anthroboy, I can handle
myself just fine with or without your
The boys bow to the
Dodg, I quickly follow suit and duck
my head, he acknowledges us with a
serene smile and an expansive wave of his
arms, making his glitterball gown throw
sparks all over the place.
I’m trying not to giggle at the
hat, but I gotta tell you…some of the
stuff I’ve seen what passes for
sartorial on the different planets we’ve
visited, you gotta wonder what people are
thinking, the get-ups they go about
in; do they have any idea how stupid
This hat, this really takes the
cake, it’s just about the funniest thing
I’ve ever seen, even funnier than the
salad bowl topper of Tuplo’s. And that
was a seriously funny hat.
What is wrong with
me; I must be totally out of
what little is left of my mind, I’m
going off about hats now…
Wait a minute, wait
a minute, what’s going on now, we’re
bending, we’re stretching, we’re doing
some sort of weird-ass alien tai chi
routine while the Dodg looks on and
smiles at us. What is this, the warm-up?
More fucking ritual?
Geez, trying to keep step with the
dude on my right but I’m at least three
behind and it’s not helping while all of
us are bending and stretching these
huge…images…flashing across the cube,
which, and I can hardly believe this, has
a fifth side, on the bottom, so
even though we’re directly underneath
it, we can look up, and still see…
I don’t know where
these pictures are coming from, I don’t
see any camera crews running along
the sidelines, but something is
panning over every guy on this field, one
by one, putting them up on the thousand
foot high screen while they’re going
through their paces, what’s all that
gibberish running underneath, squiggly
writing of some sort, I don’t read alien
so good, so I’m just guessing here,
probably their names, and game-related
stats, that would make sense but in this
place, who knows. Woah, look
at these guys! I
thought they were big before, but put
‘em up there, all blown up and…you
can see every muscle…and bulge, especially
when they bend over…like that…wow,
look at the ass on that guy,
what is he doing, putting his foot
behind his head, okay that’s
not right, shouldn’t even be possible,
and they’d better not be expecting
me to turn myself
into a human pretzel because I gotta
tell ya, not happenin’!
Ah geez, there’s Daniel!
Hey, he’s not doing
too bad, he’s following the moves pretty
good, stretching in time with the other
and…damn, is he built.
He looks good. Really, really
I knew that, I mean,
I know he’s in great shape, and he’s…that
is, I’ve heard, as guys go,
and yeah, I’ve noticed, in passing,
you understand, when I’ve seen him
nearly…and…naked, that he hasn’t exactly
been beaten up with an ugly stick,
but even though I see him all the time,
sometimes with no clothes on, I know
what he looks like, I’ve never
seen him like this.
I mean, when you’re standing next
to him in the locker room while you’re
both stripping off, or watching him, in
the shower – not that I do, watch
him, when he’s…showering…or
anything, he’s…well he’s…yeah, I
would go so far as to say he’s…good
looking, not that I really noticed,
because I haven’t, not – not really,
but now, it hard not to he’s up there,
all of him…up there,
and all over, bigger than a billboard,
hell, he’s so big you could probably
see him back at the SGC and you can
see everything he’s got, practically,
even with the skirt, whoa… if anything
the skirt is making things…clearer…the
way he’s oiled down, the material,
God, it’s clinging, outlining every
curve, every bulge…
Jesus, he might as
well be naked! It’s
a damned good thing he’s not looking
up ‘cause if he could see himself,
like this, so…over-exposed, not to
mention…blown up, well, he wouldn’t
like it much, even though the crowd seems
to be digging the show and him pretty
putting on quite the show, even though
he doesn’t have a clue. Quite the show. The camera’s staying on him an
awfully long time.
Not that I’m complaining, I’m
just saying, but it is, while he keeps
on going, making with the moves, not
looking up, not getting this drop in
the noise level is due to every eye
in the place…glued to that screen and
the huge image of him, the camera,
or whatever, following his every move,
panning over each inch of his body,
close-up and personal, like…like…
Daniel’s eyes are
closed, he’s really getting into it
now, oooh, look at the way he’s moving,
so slowly, graceful, slick, gleaming
muscles undulating beneath his skin,
now he’s bending low, butt cheeks bunching…oooooh,
out and then surging back up again,
lifting his arms, breathing deep, close-up
on his chest, rising and falling, dewy
and gleaming with oil and…sweat, little
bead lightly, slowly dribbling…down,
right there, between his pecs, you
can see it so clearly, something
so damned sensuous about it,
can’t help watching it…easing on down
that glistening skin,
slowly sliding…slithering down his
heaving chest and suddenly I can’t
stand it II want to reach out…wipe
it away…touch that moist skin, looks
so good, like it was made for touching,
run my finger along that pert nipple
or maybe even…
I feel something slam
in the pit of my gut, like a clenched
fist and I wanna hurl. Oh my God, what’s
happening to me, I shouldn’t be thinking
this way about…about Daniel
for God’s sake, but I am and he is, he is
beautiful, the most gorgeous thing
I’ve eve seen in my life and I know
it’s crazy but I want…I want…
I really do. I can’t, but I do!
Well, isn’t this just
peachy, this has to be the stupidest
place in the universe to be having
an epiphany but I am, right here, right
now, but I can’t, can’t, gotta put
the brakes on fast, ‘cause if I don’t
stop thinking about it, and
him…like this, I’m gonna be having
something else this isn’t exactly
the best place for either
considering how little I’m wearing.
The folks here will be getting
enough entertainment out of me as it is
without upping the rating to NC-17.
Too late! Daniel’s
off the screen and I’m looking up at
me – standing stock still, staring
up like a moron with my mouth hanging
open, a thousand feet of gob-smacked idiot
with a hard-on on display in front of the
whole frigging planet.
Go away! Zoom in on
something else! Dammit! There’s nowhere
to hide, nowhere to go, I look like
a freaking idiot, which is exactly
the way I feel and evidently the crowd
thinks so too, because we’re getting a
fair bit of guffawing from the stands,
followed by applause and cheering.
Someone please kill
Finally the camera
moves on to the next guy, thank God,
and we’re wrapping up the entertainment
portion of the evening.
The boys belay the bending and
stretching and the Dodg holds up his arms
Are we starting
yet? I still
don’t know what’s going on; maybe it’s
time I found out. If
Daniel won’t talk to me maybe I can
get something out of hat dude here.
“Um, your Dodgness?” I pipe up, taking
a step toward him.
“Kal-nel!” The Dodg wheels
and flashes me a big, toothy grin. “You honour us with
Huh, that’s not the
way I heard it.
“Um, thanks, the honour
is all mine,” I answer him.
“I’m…pleased to be here and
all, but it’s just…what do I do, now I
The old guy frowns. “No one has explained?”
“Well, yes and no. I know Daniel and
I are – we’re the ones who have to
score, but how exactly it’s done, what
the rules are…”
“Rules?” The Dodg frowns
are no rules. You
must run, as must Doctor Jackson.”
He turns and points toward the left
end of the field. “You
are the Zarder of the Vlins.
If you reach the objective before
him, the Vlins will be victorious.
That is all.”
One goal takes the
game? Just one? I
only have to run down the field once?
“All I have to do
is make it down there
This sounds too easy!
“If you are able,”
the Dodg smiles mysteriously.
Ooookay, I am sooo
not liking the sounds of
man running theory just confirmed.
Yeah, well, they’ll
have to catch me first, the
second the whistle blows, I’m so outta
here, they won’t see my dust for
“Radda!” the Dodg
suddenly booms, lifting his arms high. The crowd roars,
I jump a foot in shock from the sound,
and Daniel puts
on an evil grin and starts walking toward
Oh crap, what now?
“Put your hands on
my shoulders,” he hisses, clamping
both his on mine, and squeezing hard.
Oh, so now
you’re talking to me, are you?
You sure know how to pick your
moments. Better late than nothing, I
“Daniel, what the
hell is going on?” I hiss at him, and
do the shoulder-grasping thing.
He doesn’t say anything; just
glares at me and leans in close ‘til our
foreheads are touching.
I’m getting that…innervating
and yet inconvenient…feeling…again,
need to back off, just a little, but
the second I try he clamps down on
my shoulders – ow!
Not so hard!
“Hey! Easy, no bruising
“What’s going on,
is you’re going down,”
he snarls, not relaxing the vice grip one
Crap, he means
it; this has gone way beyond him
being merely pissed with me. Daniel is on
a personal mission to terminate me with
Yeah, In his dreams.
“Sez you. Fat chance,
geekboy, you’re gonna need to shower
for a week to get my footprints
off your back.” I jeer right back at
I know, egging him
on, getting him even madder, makes
me look as stupid as I usually appear, but
you see, I have a plan.
Now, Daniel in his right mind is a
pretty smart guy, but, little secret here,
pissed Daniel equals stupid Daniel, when
he gets really mad all those brains
– right out the window.
Hey, I need every
edge I can get here, even if there is
no way in hell he could ever take me, it
doesn’t hurt to hedge your chances.
“God! You are so – so
Daniel is so pissed
he’s incapable of completing a sentence
God, I’m good.
“I know you are, but
what am I?” I
grin at him and blow in his face.
Juvenile, I know,
but at this point, the more annoying
I am the better.
From the way he’s trembling and
that steam currently shooting out of his
ears; I’ve achieved my objective;
boy’s brains are boiling right out of
his head and he’s thinking none too
My job is done here, now I gotta
focus on eking whatever remaining scraps
of intel I can out of the environment
during the few seconds my unerring
instincts tell me I got left before
whatever kinda hell’s in my immediate
Thirty seconds to
threat-assess? What the hey, I’ve done
a whole lot more with a heck of a lot
okay, what’s going on here Daniel and
I are in a clinch in front of the Dodg,
two lines of guys behind us, a clear
path between ‘em to where we’re supposed
to be headed. So,
to get to where we’re going, we have
to run the gauntlet, past all the other
like a hazing line, or corridor of
doom. Oh, oh,
that’s not a comforting image, is that
the game plan, the second the whistle
blows, are they going to jump all over
us to keep us from getting where we’re
supposed to be going?
Is that what the Dodg meant by,
‘if you can?’
Great, this thing
between us will be settled before it’s
even begun, no worries about which
one of us is going to come out on top;
we’ll both be dead before we get five
“ZOT!” The Dodg yells,
and before I’ve a chance to blink Daniel
steps into me, grabs me around the
waist swiping my legs out from under
me with a swift, efficient motion.
Down I go, and the next thing I
know I’m flat on my back, staring up at
the cube, and myself, lying flat on my
back staring back down at me, and
meanwhile Daniel –
The sneaky bastard
is smoking down the line of guys towards
the open field like his ass is fitted
Sonofabitch! That was the
kick-off, nice of Daniel to clue me in!
can’t believe he got the drop on
me like that!
, you’re a dead man; nobody makes a
monkey of Mrs. O’Neill’s little boy!
Cursing I scramble
to my feet. Daniel
is headed away at a pretty good clip,
but I’m fast too, he hasn’t got that
much of a head start on me, I can catch
No problem. And when I do…
I’m up, I’m about
to head out, but suddenly, I’m confused.
I know the fact Daniel currently is
where he is, means, obviously the boys
didn’t jump all over him when he zoomed
past ‘em, and, I’m hoping that also
means they’ll grant me the same
courtesy. But what’s the deal, here, why
are all the other guys just standing
there, not doing anything but staring at
me like they’re waiting for me to change
colour or something?
“Run, Benack!” someone
hollers from behind me, about the same
time I feel several huge hands on my
back and an enormous shove sends me
stumbling several steps forward.
Okay, no pushing,
I’m going, I’m going!
Keep your shirts on, I get it, me,
Zardoz, must run after Daniel, I get it,
Gone. Don’t sweat it or anything,
talk amongst yourselves while I do all the
Still feeling slightly
wobbly from the turbo boost I scoot
on past the double line of hulking,
scowling bruisers, thanks for the kick
start, best ignite my own ass now and make
some serious tracks if I’m gonna catch
up Speedy Gonzales, who, during the few
seconds I wasted getting my bearings, has
already considerably widened his lead. I’m thinking the
name I just call got called wasn’t
exactly complimentary, and possibly
whoever shoved me wasn’t supposed to
provide the power assist, ‘cause there’s
suddenly a whole lot of yelling happening
behind me. Much
hollering, and the unmistakable sounds
of a fair-sized free-for-all I’m mighty
glad I’m not mixed up in, but other
than the to-do in the rear I’m swiftly
accelerating away from I don’t hear
any three hundred pound hounds baying
on my heels.
Not that I’m complaining
or anything, but what gives?
I risk a quick glance over my shoulder,
and sure enough, I’m not being pursued
on account of the sizeable brawl erupting
all over the yellow oval; all the guys
we left behind, including Teal’c are
piling up on each other, doing some
serious wrestling, scuffling and determined
head bashing. Ow – that musta hurt;
nobody’s pulling any punches, every
guy all over the ground and each other
looks totally committed to killing
every other player they can get their
Oh well, better them
way past confused now, but I can’t
worry about what’s behind, gotta focus
on catching up to the boy booting it
for the far side ahead of me.
Waaaay ahead of me
Daniel’s really pulled
out in front there, damn his tight
little ass. Damned
tight ass, and I want it now
more than ever, although not for quite
the same reason as before.
Yep, definitely gonna
get that ass, and when I
do I’m gonna pound it good into
this white crap currently giving me
frigging wings along with my ruthless
resolve to catch that sneaky, cheating
He may be fast, but I’m…
Hey, I’m me! And there’s
just no fricking way he’s gonna win! Old, I’ll show him
old, I was running rings in a football
field when he was still in diapers,
dig in, O’Neill, all you have to do
is catch him, get him down, that’s
not a problem, he’s toast, dead meat,
history, goddamned stinking, cheating
bastard, flaunting himself like that,
distracting…I’m all over you,
asshole, and as soon as I catch you…
Down, down, down,
you’re going down!
I charge down the
field like I’ve got retro rockets on
my heels, riding on the intoxicating
roar from the crowd and my own dead cold
determination to bring Daniel down.
Closing the gap, closing, legs
pistoning beneath me like I’m
nuclear-powered, gotta move even faster,
run, O’Neill, you sack of shit run!
Hot damn, I’m doing
it, doing it, I’m catching him! Just
a couple more feet… lungs…starting
to burn, can’t…let up…or slow down…punch
it…so close… God, listen to that crowd,
they’re going totally whacko, what
a racket, can’t hear myself stink,
let ‘em yell, gonna give ‘em something
to really scream about, almost
got you, you son of a –
Not gonna make it,
almost tapped out, keeping up, but
can’t…close gap, can’t…keep…this pace
up much longer, he’s right…right there…but…but
just out of reach,
can’t…quite…make it… dammit! So close, I’m so
close, but might as well be a million
miles away, and a couple more seconds
I’ll be done and he’ll be in the clear…I’ll
never catch him, can’t let that happen,
have to do…something…now!
Time to go airborne.
Lock, load and pray.
Desperate, I launch
myself at the galloping geekboy, hoping
to tackle him, take him down before
he scampers out of my range.
He could still do it, he’s moving
so fast, don’t think I’m gonna
connect, even with the making like a
guided missile ploy, damn it, my last shot
and it’s a dud and then, the miracle
Possibly sensing potential
peril and my proximity, not to mention
being tipped off by a couple million
fanatics screaming my name at the top
of their lungs his ass is about to be
grassed, Daniel finally makes the
fatal error I’ve been banking on,
momentarily breaking stride in order to
grab a glance over his shoulder.
Yes, your worst nightmare
has arrived, better pooped than never,
and thanks to your dumbosity giving
him the opening he needs he’s punching
your ticket to run!
I crash into Daniel’s
back and we both go down hard, rolling
and scuffling across the white stuff,
arms and legs tangling during the frantic
tussle. I grit
my teeth, make like a boa constrictor
and hang the hell on, stars, stripes
and freaking pinwheels zooming around
in my head and in front of my eyeballs,
a hundred and eighty mighty pissed
pounds of writhing, snorting, snarling
archaeologist beneath me doing his
best to buck me off.
We got a bit of a
situation happening here, but as soon
as I can catch my breath…
Whoa, Nelly, I’m no
slouch in the hand-to-hand department,
but this boy feels like he’s got about
a dozen arms and legs and all of them,
and him, currently dedicated to getting
me off…of him, that is.
With a freaking vengeance.
I’ve got Daniel down, but keeping
him there, never mind me getting
clear enough to have a clean run for the
border, not exactly a piece of cake,
the crap they misted us both with back
in the locker room is every bit as
inconvenient as I feared. It’s proving problematical
to achieve a decent hold of any sort
on account of both of us being super-lubed
from head to fricking tail, and I do
mean all over, as was no doubt
the purpose for the stupid stuff in
the first place. Damn, Daniel is slipperier
than an eel dipped in hair gel! Oh
well, one small consolation, seeing
as how I’m pretty slick myself he’s
not having any more luck getting a
decent grip than I am.
Yanno, in another
context, this could be fun.
We’re bumping and grinding,
sliding and swooshing all over the ground
and each other like two over-achieving
Jell-O-wrestlers coated in cooking oil and
if not for the fact I can’t afford to
let him win, and let’s not forget being
as how there are currently probably a
couple of million people watching our
every move, making our close encounter
of the squishy kind way more public
than I’m normally comfortable with,
if not for all that I could really
get into this. Daniel
is madder than hell, and I gotta tell
you, I always get a real kick out of
him when he gets all hot and bothered,
especially at me, he’s kinda cute when
he turns really red, starts sputtering,
the whole jumping up and down thing
totally gets me going.
It’s always turned my crank to
rev him up and watch him go and now,
he’s not just revved, he’s totally ballistic,
swearing a blue streak and spitting all
over me while he’s struggling his guts
out to toss me off him, it’s turning
me on how desperately he’s fighting
me, straining, grunting snarling, bumping
against me, over and over, how hard
Holy shit, he’s hard!
I’m so shocked by
the sensation Daniel manages to roll
me over but before he can pin me down
I flip him off and fling myself on him,
the surprised whoosh of air forced
out of his lungs by the unexpected
impaction tickling my ear. He lies still
for a sec, stunned and winded, just as I
cleverly calculated before deciding to
implement the strategic pancake maneuver
in the first place.
We’re still both slicked to the
gills but I’m slightly more experienced
in the hand-to-hand stuff and I’ve
had enough time to compensate for the
I take advantage of the brief
breathing space his temporary inability
to breathe affords me to pin both his
wrists, and him, down fast while adding
my full body weight to the task of
keeping him flattened and breathless
and this time, my hold holds.
“Get off me!” Daniel wheezes,
and pushes weakly against the force
holding his hands down.
Which would be my mitts wrapped
around his wrists.
Man, this boy has got spunk, even
though he’s turning slightly blue from a
combination of the exertion of the mad
dash and me putting my all into mashing
him into the ground…
He’s still fighting,
for all the good it’ll do him.
He gave it his best shot, I’ll
give him that, it was a pretty good one,
but when it’s all said and done, age and
experience are the ticket.
He may be fast, but I’m way
And, I’m still da man.
The best one to boot.
I must be, I’m the
one on top, right?
“Give it up, Daniel,
you’re done,” I grin back down at him. “I’ll be on my way
now, don’t you worry about that finish
line, I’ve got that covered, you just
lie here, rest up, catch your breath
and I’ll see you in the winner’s circle,
I hate to gloat, okay,
maybe I don’t, but from where I’m lying,
the end of this particular contest
is pretty much your fore-gone delusion.
Not that there was
ever any doubt in my mind who was gonna
get it in the end.
Daniel spits up at me between gasps,
his eyes snapping, flaring with rage. Insults, and incandescent
ire. God, I
love him to death when he’s like this,
he’s so hot I could…
Oooh, I wish...
“I’m not that old,”
I gloat, shifting over him, just a
pop in the old colonel to bring you
down, sonny. “
“Asshole!” Daniel sputters,
and savagely thrusts his pelvis up
into mine. Really…hard.
Oooh, that felt good. Soooo…good.
Do it again!
“Is that the best
you can do? I’ll
try not to cry too hard while
I’m thumbing my nose at you from the
Yep, that did it,
made him mad enough to start some serious
wriggling beneath me in an effort to
get out from under me.
I press into him, holding him down
firmly, matching his movements, ostensibly
to restrain him, sure, but also...
Okay, I know this
is really stupid, I should have been
up and running at least thirty seconds
ago, the longer I mess about here, messing
around with him, giving him time to
recover, whatever slight advantage I’ve
gained through knocking the wind but not
the piss out of him is rapidly being
Every second I stick here and…frictionalize
is one he can use against me, but I
need this, right now, to feel him,
just once, beneath me, like this…a
few lousy seconds of some harmless
one-on-one, what could it hurt.
Ten minutes, tops.
I lean into him, grinding
my groin into his, slow and deep, and
he goes still beneath me, his eyes
getting wide, pupils dilating until
they look like two huge dinner plates.
Glittering and black….so…black…
“Wha – what are you
doing?” he gasps, his breath shuddering
in his chest. His
eyes close, a small groan escaping
from his slightly open mouth.
He’s gulping air, fast and
shallow, panting almost, breathing
I – I – I should stop,
now, but it feels so good, we’re moving
faster, together, I’m shaking bad,
so bad I can hardly…can’t stop moving,
shaking, oh GodGodGod –
Daniel’s eyes fly
open, brimming with hurt, confusion
and tears. I
don’t understand what’s – why he’s
– and then they go cold.
“You son of a bitch!”
he chokes. “I can’t believe you’d do
this – to - to me – just to
– to – you son of a bitch! “
Oh God, he thinks
– no, no, it’s not like that Daniel,
I didn’t mean, that is, I do mean,
this wasn’t about that, you…matter…
My head is whirling
like I’ve got an overachieving tornado
happening inside my skull and the thousands
of tangled puzzles knotting my brain
all these years suddenly…unspool… it’s
all there, crystal clear, and screaming
at me for release, explanations, apologies,
things I want to say, have wanted to
say for practically as long as I’ve
known him but never knew what or how
or why. I know
now, I…understand, what he is, who
he is, why he…and me…have to, have
to tell him now while it’s all so clear,
and right there, and I open my mouth
to – to – but all that comes out is
under pressure…not one of my strong
blew it again, maybe for good this
time and looking down at those cold,
Yeah, no matter how
this thing turns out, I’ve lost the
Daniel’s eyes narrow;
get this creepy, crafty cast.
He swipes his tongue across his
lower lip, slow and languorous, smiling
smugly like he’s knows something I
don’t and he’s not inclined to share.
“Sucker,” Daniel whispers,
and makes his move.
I’m abruptly tipped
on my back like an unsuspecting steer,
and – crap, there he goes!
Up on his haunches in a flash,
poised like a runner crouched and coiled,
waiting for the starter’s pistol.
That does it – this
is the last time, the very last
time that monkey is making an uncle
out of me!
Daniel bolts, but
I’m quicker, rolling and grabbing for
the nearest ankle.
My fingers slip, then lock tight, I
yank, hard, down he goes, face first into
He kicks back, his heel connecting
with my chin, but I slap his foot away,
keep hauling on his ankle, keeping him off
balance and off his feet while I get
He’s powering up for another
roundhouse kick when this huge
roar…erupts all around us.
We can’t help it;
the noise level in the arena is so
close to ear-bleeding level we momentarily
leave off beating the crap out of each
other to check out what is causing all the
fuss. Holy shit, sorry I looked, evidently
the brawl back where we started has
thinned out some; about half a dozen guys
from both sides have made it clear of
the original fracas and…hell, incoming! No question, they’re
headed this way, chugging towards us
like a bunch of runaway freight trains,
what they’re gonna do when they get
here, don’t know, don’t intend sticking
around long enough to find out. That blue striper
in the lead, oh yeah, definitely don’t
want to mess with that dude. Hey, hang on, there’s
my man Teal’c going for the tackle. Ow! Bluey goes blooey,
slam-basted into the ground with Teal’c
wrapped around him, he’s out, way to
go, big guy, one for our side, now
a green guys is out in front, that’s
way better, he’s on my side so when
he gets here, if there’s pounding to
be done, it won’t be on my head. Wait a minute, wait
a minute, behind you dude, you’ve got
a blue meanie on your tail!
Too late. OOooh!
That’s gonna leave a mark!
Okay, not exactly
sure what the game plan is, but I’ve
got eyes, company’s coming, granted
slowly, mostly brawling their way along
the field, but there are a couple more
guys on their feet, heading this way,
time to get going.
Crap! Daniel kicks me
in the chin, again, this time with
enough force to not only almost lay
me flat, but give me the general impression
he doesn’t love me any more.
He’s definitely not
fooling around. Well,
boo hoo, neither am I.
still pissed, ‘cause he makes his second
mistake of the day, instead of grabbing
his chance to bolt while my head is
momentarily spinning from his love tap
he tries to follow it up with a right
Nope, nope, nope!
I block the punch
easily and land one of my own.
It connects, jolting my arm right
up to the shoulder.
Daniel keels over on his side,
I’m shaking my hand and swearing, and
while I’m trying to get the feeling back
in my fingers he rolls over, pushes
himself onto all fours, shakes his head
and starts crawling frantically forward.
Not so fast, Ghunga
Dan, I’m still a better man
than you are, and here’s where you
find out the difference training makes.
Daniel is grunting,
attempting to stand, but I throw myself
on his back, bear-hugging him around
his chest, and bear down.
Gonna push him face first into the
alien Astroturf, that’ll be all she
wrote for him, then push off him and go
for the -
Crap, not now!
About two tons of
solid muscle comprised of an indeterminate
amount of individuals slams into the
my back mashing me solidly into Daniel
and well, Daniel, as he happens to
be under me, he’s currently
enjoying some real up close and personal
quality time with the white stuff.
Which was my original plan for him,
sure, I was just wasn’t figuring on
being part of the sandwich. Me, I’ve got
this human avalanche on my back and
we’re talking serious pancake time here. Puppy pile with
maple syrup. Hold
the ham. Ugh. Quick, somebody give
me a snorkel, getting hard to breathe
down here. Never
felt so…compacted…in my life, but one
bright spot; I
may be about to pass out from oxygen
deprivation but I’m not the only one
effectively contained in this situation;
know exactly where Daniel is, right under
me, and that’s where he’s stayin’
Oy, must be hallucinating,
I could swear I just heard a
Wow! Just when I’m thinking
I’m about to end my existence as an
oily smear on Daniel’s back the pressure
on my posterior is gone; I’m
dimly aware of my guys tossing the
blue guys left and centre.
Way to go, it’s John Wayne time,
the cavalry is here!
I’m clear, Daniel is still down,
I can’t believe I managed to keep my
hold on him through all this, but he’s
here, I’ve got him, he’s not moving,
odds are he’s passed out, all the better
for me, means he won’t be coming after
me any time soon, here’s my chance to
get going and win this thing, if I can
keep from passing out and get…to my
feet and go, and my guys, can keep
his guys…off me, so I can…
Um…what the hell was
I doing again?
Whoa…where’s the finish
“Are you injured,
hollers in my ear, grabbing me by the
arms and hauling me to my feet so violently
he breaks my hold on Daniel.
Aw crap, I don’t believe
this, there’s some life in the energizer
bunny yet, being on the bottom of the
heap might have slowed him down but
he’s still going, crawling for the
clear while Teal’c keeps pulling me
Dammit, he’s up, about
to go again! Gotta
“Lemme go!” I snarl
at my Jaffa
saviour and lunge at Daniel.
I grab his shoulder, my hand slips,
skitters down his back, he twists away and
suddenly dives to avoid a flying leap
from…crap, that’s one of my guys,
he’s overshot Daniel and his present
trajectory strongly suggests he’s gonna
Oh my God, this isn’t
happening, I’m gonna get kilt again.
I desperately leap
under the flying wallenda about to
make a one point on my head, and make an
equally desperate grab for the crawling
wonder, who ain’t getting the best of me
if I have anything to say about it!
I gotta get another hold on that
boy and I don’t care what I connect
Fingers, toes, an ear, anything, at
this point I’m not picky.
In another second or so I probably
won’t be alive enough to care, one
way or another, but as long as I’m
still conscious I’ve gotta give it
my all, my eagerly questing fingers
clutch and latch on, and from the ensuing
angry roar…ah Daniel, I’d recognize
that rage anywhere.
Gotcha, gotcha, not
letting go this time!
I grab hard and pull,
whatever I’ve got, it’s staying got,
no matter what. Wiggling,
he’s still wiggling away, doing his
best, anyway, to break my hold, but
it’s not happening, I’ve still got…what
the hell is it I’ve got a hold
of it doesn’t feel like…an arm, or
even a leg. Definitely
not a nose.
Oh. My. God. I forgot about the
hippo about to land on my head!
…oooooh, musta lost
consciousness for a couple of seconds,
things are kinda…monochrome and…misty…definitely…definitely…misty. Daniel didn’t get
away, still got something clenched
in my fist…what’s with all the racket,
sounds like one hell of a thunderstorm
or the whole place is about to cave
No…that’s people…cheering. Thousands and thousands
of people, roaring their faces off,
Oh crap, the game! It’s still on, but
how is that possible, it can’t be,
I’m not in the running…got taken out
by one of my own guys, and Daniel isn’t,
in play, either, ‘cause I’ve still
got him, so why are they cheering?
Still feeling mighty
confused as Teal’c’s huge black fist
reaches down, wraps around my right
bicep and hauls me to my feet.
I wobble about, batting away
hands, blinking down at the ground beneath
No Daniel. He’s not there. But he has to be;
I didn’t let go.
No, this is not possible. Not happening. I got hit on the
head harder than I thought, because
there is no way, I cannot be seeing
what I am seeing.
Oh man, this sucks! How
is this possible?
Daniel’s not here,
on the ground, where he should be,
because he’s there, waaaaay down there,
most of the way down the field, hotfooting
it for the finish line.
He’s only got a couple hundred
yards to go.
No way I’ll ever catch him now.
Game over. Crap.
I don’t understand,
he should be – but he’s not – he’s…but
he shouldn’t be…
I don’t get it.
I didn’t let go.
I’m still standing,
swaying and staring, so gob-smacked
I can’t do much else.
No one is chasing Daniel, no one,
he’s completely open, got a clear shot
all the way to the finish line, and boy is
he making the most of it, look at him go! What’s going on,
why are these guys still here, standing
around, they’re not chasing him, not
fighting each other, everybody’s gathered
around me, hanging out, starin’ straight
up, mouths hanging open…
They’re looking the
wrong way! What’s
going on here, they’re facing away
from the finish line
and gazing up, not looking at Daniel,
hoofing it like hell in the opposite
direction, with the crowd eating it up all
Oh well, whatever, don’t know
what their problem is, and frankly don’t
I’m so pissed at this revolting
turn of events I can hardly see and yet, I
can’t seem to tear my eyes away from
that distant, swiftly receding figure. I
can’t believe what’s happening here,
can’t believe he’s actually gonna do
it, the little bastard got away, got
the best of me, he’s gonna win. Look
at him, the boy is just beating it
for broke, he’s streaking down that
Oh, wait a minute,
something’s off, doesn’t look quite
a ways away, to be sure, can barely
make him out, squinting across the
distance between us all I can see is a
blur, an all-white blur bounding on his
merry way to victory.
The white field doesn’t help, no
contrast, white on white the only
difference between it and him, he’s the
part that’s moving.
something wrong with that, isn’t there?
The all white thing, I mean. Geez, no wonder
I can’t see straight, with this sweat
in my eyes, wipe ‘em clear with the
rag I’m holding.
Okay, that’s better,
I can see now.
Wait a minute, what
did I just do, where the hell did I
get a face wipe? What
is this thing I’m holding?
Definitely a piece of cloth.
A piece of blue cloth looking
Oh Lord, everything
is suddenly, horrifyingly clear.
How I held onto Daniel all the way
through the last slamerama, and yet,
didn’t. Yeah, I had a grip on something,
okay, didn’t let go, all right, but what
I had a hold of, it did, it gave,
oh God, did it, and Daniel, so focused
on slipping my grip and winning, no
matter what it took, he kept on going
– is still going, even though he left
something really important behind. Maybe he doesn’t
realize he’s…but that’s crazy, how
could he not…know, but if he does,
he can’t be that determined
to best me he doesn’t care, not Daniel,
if he knew he was…he’d be running for
cover, not the finish line. And the way he’s running
now, like everything scrap of energy and awareness
he possesses – only one thing on his
mind and it isn’t what he is, or isn’t…
God, he doesn’t know,
I know he doesn’t know he’s run almost
half the length of the Zot field, with
probably a whole planet of people watching…
Watching…all of him.
Every overblown, super-sized,
over-exposed inch of him.
step of the way.
Oh. My. God.