DANIEL DOESN'T SMILE
BY PHOENIX E
Daniel involved in a loving and committed relationship, which usually involves
Relationship. Romance. Angst. Drama
Pre-Absolute Power. No spoilers.
smile...much. But when he does...
Completed and posted to net 18 Aug 02.
Notes: As I was writing this I couldn't help wondering if the memory of
an inident (and the subsequent lessons learned) similar to this one could
have been been one of the things running through Daniel's mind in Exodus
when he told Teal'c he'd like to believe he'd chose a more 'rational' option
to cold-blooded revenge.
There it is. There's the look. There he goes. Full watt
- hit me with your best shot, I double dog DARE ya to try
and make me - glare. Dammit. Daniel is SO not going to
tend to bring out the worst in him. Especially the King
of the Beasts, here.
on, Daniel, quit trying to yank Snake-boy's chain. Apophis
thinks he's got the drop on us and we're at his non-existent
mercy but he's only got a handful of Jaffa backing him
up and Carter and Teal'c are out there. They just need
a couple more minutes to get into position. All we have
to do is sit tight and look like we're beat until they
make with the firepower and bail us out. We do not
need to play 'bait the bozo' and get ourselves belted!
will tell me where the Shol'va is," Apophis informs us
smugly, his gloat-o-meter running full bore. He thinks
he's got us dead to rights here - soon to be even deader
when he gets through getting his jollies, but I've got
news for him. Things are not always the way they appear.
Laugh it up, scuzz ball, but if the shoe was on the other
hand Daniel wouldn't be wasting time playing with you,
you would already be dead.
for us though, Snake-face still thinks he's in the driver's
seat so he's got plenty of time to enjoy being his horrible,
awful self all over us before he finally gets around to
killing us. Which of course gives Carter and Teal'c time
to get us the hell out of this mess we so stupidly stumbled
lordy, look at Mr Full of himself and just plain plug ugly,
if he isn't having just the bestest time ever! If Metal
face here was any more puffed up and high on himself his
head would be bigger than Abydos and floating off into
the stratosphere. He's looking pretty damned happy to
have the pair of us on our knees in front of him. It's
possible he might be holding a grudge. Nah, I'm sure he's
forgotten all about us trying to kill him on the Nox planet.
Blowing up his ships and ruining his invasion plans. His
queen. The Narcissus kid. Letting him croak. Giving
him to Sokhar to croak again. And again and again and
again… We won't even go into the whole Teal'c thing.
he's completely over all of that. And he's just stopped
by to invite us to tea. Right before he rips our hearts
out. Or something equally unpleasant.
don't think so," Daniel drawls, low and dangerous, eyes
flashing mockingly, the corners of his mouth starting to
quirk. Oh crap, he's not done yet - he's gonna say
something even more -
I hiss at him. A split second too late.
He finishes with feeling.
of it good. And judging by the way Apophis suddenly looks
like he's been pole-axed…
did you just say to him?" I toss at Daniel as
Snakeboy's face suddenly segues into an alarming shade of
translated?" Daniel shrugs, his eyes dancing with
dangerous amusement. "Fuckface."
Oh Daniel! You didn't.
I just know he'd be copping this attitude even if
he didn't know we're only a few noisy seconds away
from getting our asses rescued. When Daniel gets this
hopped up on hating the shit out of the Goa'uld of Day
he really IS this stupid. And they say I'M the
as we get clear of this we are having words, my boy. Oh
yeah. Your hobbies are wearing too hard on my shattered
lets out a howl would curl the hair on a bald man, hauls
back and lets Daniel have it. Backhands him so hard I'm
surprised his eyeballs don't go shooting out of his head
and flying across the room. Damn! That's definitely gonna
leave a bruise! One of us has to keep it together so I'm
keeping my eyes forward, not watching Daniel's head snap
back with the blow, not looking as he reels and struggles
to recover, not giving anything away, not letting it show
on my face how much I wouldn't mind being a little proactive
myself right now, working off some of my own aggression
with wiping that smirk off that snake bastard's face, preferably
with a flame thrower -
gives his head a shake and laughs. I try not to look at
him because I don’t want to see what's living in his eyes
right now. I love this man more than life itself, know
him and cherish him as the gentlest, kindest, most compassionate
soul I've ever encountered and yet no one knows better
than me Daniel is no damned saint. He's got this cold,
dark, ruthless streak inside him runs deeper and creepier
than some of my worst nightmares. And I've got some seriously
scary shit crawling around in my cranium. When Daniel's
dark demon of 'mess with me and die' comes out to play
- no quarter, no mercy, no compassion, no forgiveness.
- oh momma, I've seen some pretty tough and ruthless characters
in my time, but Daniel Jackson is on the top of my list
of people I would never ever want as an enemy.
on, Carter, what's taking so long? You want to get this
rescue on the road, already? I think we've had more than
enough fun for one day. I for one am pretty much all 'funned'
help it, I'm scared for Daniel and so freaking mad and
I know I’m letting it show and I shouldn't, but there doesn't
seem to be a lot of point in holding anything back now.
My playing it cool won't change what's going down; I could
throw myself at Apophis and try to bite his legs off and
he wouldn't even look at me he's so focussed on Daniel
and his sudden main goal in life of making my boy suffer
some serious pain. Nothing I could do right now would draw
Apophis' fire or keep Daniel from being his own worst enemy
and getting himself even further into Apophis' bad books.
He's going for all the gusto, if I know my Daniel. The
boy never does anything half-assed. Gives each and every
thing he sets himself to nothing short of his all.
getting the snot beat out of himself for no good reason
other than the fact he thinks it's funny.
me laughing, Daniel?
recovered enough from the backhand to be able to hurl a
full body snarl right back in Apophis' face. He completely
ignores the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth
and laughs again.
a very, very bad feeling. You would too, if you could
see his eyes, and the way his lips are twitching again,
pulling up - aw crap, crap, crap, not this - Daniel, don't!
Don't do it!
Teal'c! Now! Now would be good! Now would be
great. Daniel's lost it; no way I can stop him
from getting himself killed. I don't think he even knows
I'm still here right now.
Daniel, don't, don't, don't, don't do it, don't oh God,
there it is!
doesn't smile; I rib him about it sometimes, what, it would
break his face or something to try on a grin from time
to time, but this one he's wearing right now is from his
very limited repertoires of smiles I never, ever want to
see, the scary, nasty, bad one he saves for special occasions
like five seconds before he shoots the unfortunate object
of his non affection right between the eyes.
all you've got?" Daniel sneers as he spits a
mouthful of blood out on Apophis' boots. Defiant,
jubilant death's head grin beaming beatifically across his
face. I've seldom seen him look so sublime when he
wasn't screaming my name at the top of his lungs. He's radiant
with recklessness. If we weren't both so close to
getting killed I'd almost say he looks so - so - holy buckets,
he's so fucking HOT!
losing it. I can't believe I'm getting turned on
here but he's so damned sexy when he's dangerous.
Make with the rescue, already!
looks down at his boots, then up at Daniel. He does that
Goa'uldy flashy high beams thing with his eyes always creeps
me out every single damned time I see it and then all of
a sudden things start getting severely worrisome. Oh boy,
hand device coming on line. This is not a good
to die, Tau'ri scum." Apophis loudly declaims as he
lifts up the glowy bangle of death and aims it at Daniel's
to God, I am not making this up, he really did say
this. He's totally getting his money's worth from his
subscription to 'Clichés R Us'.
am totally going to kill Carter and Teal'c if they
don't get their goddamned rears in gear and GET US OUT
OF THIS before Snakebreath starts cooking my beloved's
to God when we get home I am absolutely gonna tear Daniel
a new one for getting himself into this mess. Go up one
side of him and down the other. Rip a strip off his hide.
Boot his ass around the block, bust his chops bigtime oh
shit, shit, don't do that, don't use that - that thing
on him, leave him alone, don't do it - don't hurt him -
get that thing OFF him - DON'T HURT HIM I'LL KILL YOU,
YOU FUCKING BASTARD!
a roaring in my ears almost deafens me and it takes a few
seconds for it to sink in it's not my screaming that's
so loud, that's the sweet sound of C4 bringing the house
down and effectively raining on Apophis' parade.
Jaffa to my right topple like sacks of soggy shit as Carter's
P-90 saws through them. More explosions to the left -
C4 or staff weapon, don't know don't care - I'm reaching
for Daniel but I'm already too late to stop him. The second
all hell broke loose he was in motion, a snake-seeking
projectile of doom leaping up like some springing, snarling
force of nature, hurling himself at Apophis. Snake boy
is wide-eyed with shock as he sees him coming and he's
frantically groping for his handy dandy force field button,
but he doesn't make it. Daniel has already invaded his
personal space before he can get the walls up around it,
bowling Goa'uldylocks over with his berserker charge.
hits the deck, Daniel sitting on his chest and howling
like a banshee with his nuts in a vice while he's gripping
the Big A's throat full throttle. The rest of the Jaffa
are no longer an issue and if things had stayed that way
I'd be more than happy to let Daniel have his fill of fun,
but we're always getting reminders we don't live in a perfect
universe and unless my eyes deceive me several large, pissed
and clanking proofs of same have just come barrelling in
to join the party.
Apophis brought spares. A whole, honking herd of them.
Where the freaking hell did they come from?
Teal'c thunders over the din. "We must leave this
my large Jaffa brother, I see 'em. Sorry Daniel, this
isn't your day. The gate's behind us, there are way too
many Jaffa in front of us and unless we want them all over
us we've got to book. Carter and Teal'c aren't going to
be able to hold the reinforcements back for long. I know
it sucks, but we've got to throw the fish back and hope
for a chance to cash in his chips some other day.
back off!" I roar as I grab him by the scruff of the neck
and start hauling him off like both our lives depend on
it. He reels back and rounds on me, snarling and swinging.
He's so far gone he doesn't even realise what he's doing
and I'm so unprepared for his unreasoning roundhouse he
very nearly nails me square on the chin.
him by the arms and shake him. Hard. "Daniel, we have
to go!" I yell straight into his face. His
eyes are wild with frustrated desperation and he has to blink
several times before he sees me and what's going on around
him sinks in. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Apophis
skulking for cover but I don't care, I've got to get Daniel
I tell him again as sternly as I can. "Carter and
Teal'c need us to open the gate for them. We have to get
to the DHD. Now."
eyes are wounded pits of tragedy. "I had him
Jack!" he says plaintively. "I - I had
him - "
got time for this right now. "The gate,
Daniel!" I stay stubbornly on point and make sure
he sticks there with me.
see it in his eyes the second it kicks in. His instinct
to put everyone else ahead of himself. Many's the time
I've cursed him every which way for it but now I'm betting
everything on it and Daniel doesn't let me down.
like watching a curtain fall across his face. The wild
light in his eyes snuffs out and he gets cold, focussed,
grim of purpose and as distant from his former rage as
he was lost to himself when he went nuts. He's not only
got it under control he's shoved it down so deep he's giving
me frostbite. With his jaw set so firmly his back teeth
must be shrieking and a tight, determined nod he slips
through my fingers and darts toward the DHD.
got time to worry about what I've just seen, I've got two
more kids to get home. Carter and Teal'c are still firing,
falling rapidly back toward me and the gate behind us.
They reach me as the gate kawooshes and from where we
all are now it's just a hop, skip and a jump to the Wormhole
pull into the driveway I feel the knot of fear that's been
twisting my gut since my latest episode of watching Daniel's
life flash before my eyes finally starting to unravel.
Maybe I should let up on the yelling. I haven't stopped
letting Daniel have it since we left the mountain. I know
I'm over the top with the riot act, even for me, but I
can't help it. He just scared me so bad and it was too
damned close. If Carter and Teal'c had been a minute -
a minute later getting back and getting to us Daniel
wouldn't be breathing right now. I mean, it's one thing
to be in a situation when you've done everything you can
to avoid a fight and it still works out you've in shit
up to your earlobes, but things didn't have to get as extreme
as they did back there. No way the scenario should have
gone so far south.
little game Daniel plays with the snakes - it's gotta stop.
running my mouth as I'm shutting off the engine but I have
no idea, though, if he's even heard a single word I've
said. He's just been sitting there, the whole trip here,
staring straight ahead, his face as blank and empty as
the pages of a nun's little black book, not moving, not
speaking, barely blinking, even.
tell what's going on in his head or what his silence means.
Nor do I have the faintest clue how to get him to start
throwing me some.
is still doing the spooky, silent, locked down tight thing
as he jumps out of the truck and starts making for the
house. I'm more than a bit conflicted he's come home with
me without a murmur - not that I don't want him here, that's
not it, but he's here without a fight. Didn't complain
or demand I take him to his own place. Not a word, not
a sound, not a glimmer of anything even remotely resembling
resistance, annoyance or his customary penchant for flight
and avoidance and generally telling me to fuck off and
mind my own business.
is so not like him it can't be good.
you wanna GRUNT or something?" I bark at his
back as he hustles up the deck steps.
not. I get absolutely no cessation of the silent
treatment as he proceeds to precede me into the house, silent,
stiff-backed and pouty of lip.
surmising about the lip part. As the fact I'm currently
looking at the back of his head means I can't actually
see the lip in question its present
attitude - in the fullest sense of the word - is in reality
anybody's guess, but seeing as how I'm hands down the world's
foremost expert on that lip and the man it's attached to
- at the worst of times my best guess about mostly everything
pertaining to Daniel is a pretty darned educated one.
youbetcha he's pouting the joint down. I don't have to
see the sneer to know it's there. Well, you know what,
Danny me bucko, me lad, light of my life, cream in my coffee,
spit in my pitoon, regular, eternal and right royal constant,
continual pain in the ass you're
not the only one who can play the sulking game. Don't
mess with me, boy, when it comes to throwing pity parties
you're simpering in the shadow of The Master. You want
to talk 'boo hoo poor me' stuff, baby, forget about it
- you're not even in my league. So, don't kid a kidder,
Daniel and what's more don't bother lifting that lip at
me unless you plan on using it!
I snap at him as he starts striding away from me across
the living room. "If you think I'm gonna - "
up," Daniel growls, his voice grating like sandpaper
rasping across an open wound as he snaps his head around
and glares at me. Oh my. That 'looks could kill' thing?
From the way his narrowed, furious eyes are burrowing through
me I shouldn't even be breathing right now.
matter of fact, come to think of it, I'm not. I'm shocked
and pinned to the spot like a stunned, doomed deer frozen
in his furious high-beams, not moving, not breathing, definitely
not saying another word.
up. Trust me, if you could - when he looks like -
the way he's smouldering - oh, momma, you would too.
shut up," he says again, in an even deeper, dangerous
drawl, the sensuous threat pouring out of his throat like
a velvet glove winding around my dick and jerking me off.
He slowly rounds on me, his fiery, hungry eyes ruthlessly
stripping me while he deliberately peels his jacket off
and lets it slip to the floor.
buckets, I'm am so gonna get it! I'm happy and
scared, mesmerised by his eyes, and as much as I want him
the way he's burning I can't help take a step back as he
starts to deliberately stalk me. He's as dangerous as
I've ever seen him, blazing not with hate but dark, bottomless
need. Uncontrollable. Undeniable. He's coming for me
and I step back again to find my back to the wall with
nowhere else to run.
a tsunami of frenzied desire slams through me, bottoming
out at crotch level with a vehemence leaving me weak and
gasping and damned grateful for the wall at my back holding
me up. The 'oh gotta have him' fever turning my knees
to jell-o is only going to get worse 'cause what I'm seeing
in his face as he closes on me with agonising, calculated
oh, oh god, there it is, corner of his mouth quirking,
one side then the other, oh Daniel, do it, do it, do it,
do it, oh baby, hit me - oh yeah, there it is!
than sin, luscious, lewd and knowing I can't escape him,
beguiling mouth bowed and beckoning with dangerous promise,
there it is, beaming from his lips right into my soul,
the confident, predatory, possessive leer of the only person
in this universe who can make me sweat, quake and scream
with a single, searing look.
bastard can make me bark like a frigging dog too, when
he smiles at me like this and doesn't he just know it too.
Roll over for me, Jack? Yeah, baby, anything you say,
when you're wearing that, 'fuck you Jack and I'm so gonna'
grin, you got it!
time he gets to me and cups the back of my head with tightly
clutching fingers I'm ready to chew on whatever bone he's
willing to throw me. Begging for it, truth be told. When
he jams the one I'm most interested in so roughly into
my crotch my ass bounces off the back wall the resulting
spike of my excitement level almost makes me blow the whole
deal before we're barely out of the starting gate.
face flushes with triumph as he sees how helpless he's
made me and he smiles tightly, knowingly once more grinding
against me until I'm whimpering and shaking and basically
begging for it.
you got it, you got me, you're the boss here. Do me
before you kill me.
talk too much," Daniel tenderly murmurs before he closes
the final gap between us with a blistering kiss.
he's finally fallen asleep. Thank God.
That's what I should be doing too, especially after the
workout I just got. I think we set a new in-house record
for fucking our way through every room IN the house.
Daniel had one hell of a demon inside him and I hope he's
got it out of his system but I wouldn't make book on it.
One thing I do know for sure, however, I can't afford to
forget what went on back there today.
snake he baits could be that one snake too many and I'm
not going to lose him because he can't just walk away.
to talk, Daniel, but I don't know how to make you listen.
You're so damned determined to have your way when it's
the worst, possible thing for you and I think that's what
scares me the most about you. A part of me understands
where you're coming from about this whole Goa'uld…thing
and yet -
I make you let this go? How can I keep you safe when a
part of you wants to grapple with the devil to the death
even as he drags you all the way down into the flames with
me how to save you, Daniel, 'cause I'm lost if I lose you.
suddenly, despairingly into my chest, startling me with
the unexpected vehemence of the sound. I thought he was
asleep. Wrong again. I hoped he was at peace.
From the way he's suddenly burrowing his face into me and
holding on for dear life he's far from that as well.
the shaking starts I know he's finally ready to let it
ALL hang out.
them, Jack," he fiercely mutters against my skin.
"I hate them all. We have to wipe them out - all of
them - wipe them out of existence!"
the top of his head and stroke his hair soothingly until
the tremors settle down and he loosens his grip a bit.
I say finally, after his breathing deeps and slows and
he's calmed down enough to hear what I'm saying. "I
know, Danny, I hear you. Yeah, the Goa'uld are evil and
should be exterminated with extreme prejudice right down
to the last stinking grub and some day, maybe that will
happen - "
Daniel adds softly before I can go any further.
if you want to live to see that day, love, you're
gonna have to let it go. The hate, Daniel. Don't lose
yourself to it. Don't let them win. You're better than
that. Better than them."
lifts his head, looks at me and in the ghosting, silvery
darkness of our bedroom I see dark uncertainty shimmering
on his face.
you do it?" he gravely asks me.
what he means. I also know he's demanding the truth from
me. He deserves nothing less from me and he'll get nothing
but from me.
would do anything for you."
he says softly, a small tremor of disbelief in his voice.
It cuts me, every time I hear it, that a part of him should
still feel, after everything we've come to be together,
he's not worthy of being loved.
you," I answer as I reach up and fondly brush my knuckles
across his cheek. "Only you. You're all I
care about, Danny. I don't give a rat's ass about the
Goa'uld, they're not my concern. They'll get what's
coming to them by and by but what matters the most to me is
making sure they don't get you before they get theirs.
his head slightly, breaking eye contact. I don't tell
him I love him a lot, not directly. Not because I can't
or don't want to but because he still has trouble with
it. Hearing the words, I mean. That's why I show him
so damned much instead. He handles it better that way.
He can't look at me right now while I'm telling him this,
but I know he's still listening because the hand resting
lightly on my chest is starting to move slowly, gently
stroking in careful, tender circles.
worth too damned much to spend yourself so cheaply," I
continue, softly entreating him to believe what I'm telling
him. "Don't throw yourself away on them, Daniel.
Don't let them poison your soul. Besides, I'm a damned selfish
bastard. I want you warming the other side of this bed
until I'm old, grey and senile and beyond, and I'll be
damned if some stinking snake is gonna mess up my plans
for my declining years."
you've certainly got the grey and senile part down pat
already," Daniel impudently informs my chest, failing
utterly to disguise the teasing tone of his voice. Even
though his head is still bowed I can see him struggling
to keep the smirk off his face.
ha," I sneer back at him as I place a finger under his
chin and use it to lever his head up until we're seeing
eye to eye once more. "I love you," I tell him full
out, and no fooling. He might get all red faced and
flustered when I say it but I've never meant it more than I
do right now and he's damned well gonna KNOW it, I don't
care how uncomfortable it makes him feel.
me you'll try."
forehead furrows so deeply you could lose whole countries
in the creases. Now normally, trust me, this would not
be a good sign but I'm encouraged by the fact that even
though he's blinking up a sudden storm he hasn't actually
tried to look away. He doesn't say a word for a long time
and then I see it starting to happen, the proof patience
is its own reward, the gentle trembling of his lip as he
struggles with the emotion I see building in his eyes and
there is it, that's the one I want.
The one that breaks across his face like a song, makes
him glow with the honest, happy ingenuous abandon of a
five-year-old with a brand new puppy. Daniel doesn't
smile, not much, but when he does - that one right there
- this is the smile I live for. The one that tells me
he loves me and I'm the one and only thing makes him happy
enough to look like this.
doesn't smile, but when he does, he rocks my world. Not
to mention makes the whole damn thing go 'round. And
right now, that smile tells me even before he says the words,
he's gonna be okay.
gonna be okay.
try," he earnestly assures me. And then smiles
you will, Daniel, I know you will. You didn't even have
to say, it's written all over your face.