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Chapter
1
It
had finally happened.
Mr.
Denton's right fist had put him, Daniel
Jackson, ten-going-on-sixty years old, in the hospital. It took
four months and fourteen days, if anyone besides himself was
counting. Mr. Denton wasn't a bad man, just a man whose drinking
problem had finally caught up with him. Mrs. Denton, Martha, he
was supposed to call her Martha, was kindly, and like many other
foster moms, took in children in an effort to make up for the
lack of love and caring in her own life, which Daniel supposed
was worse since Martha was well aware of her husband's little
problem.
It
was silly but a part of him hated to see the placement end. He
liked the school he attended, his room was cool in that he
didn't have to share, and eighty percent of the time the
Denton's home was relatively calm and stress-free. On the other
hand, the twenty percent was a bitch landing him in the hospital
with two cracked ribs, a black eye and a swollen lip. He looked
like one of the Saturday afternoon wrestlers Mr. Denton was so
fond of shouting at.
"Daniel,
dinner." It was Sara O'Neill, his favorite nurse.
It
wasn't normal, but Daniel liked hospitals. The staff was usually
nice, and for the most part, they left you alone except to bring
food and occasionally check your temperature and blood pressure.
He had books to read and no worries of school and teachers and
bullies and Mr. Denton's drinking habits.
"This
isn't from the cafeteria!" Daniel's face lit up with
delight when he lifted the lid covering his supper to reveal a
fat, beef burrito smothered in salsa and sour cream with refried
beans and chips on the side.
Nurse
Sara chuckled at his enthusiasm. "No, you caught me. This
is from El Charros. My husband tells me it's the best. He should
know, he's a connoisseur of all things take-out. Take a bite and
tell me what you think."
Daniel
did as she suggested. "It's great! Thank you, Sara,"
he beamed, smiling his brightest smile.
"No
problem. I thought you might be getting sick of hospital
food." She sat down in the chair beside his bed and brushed
the hair off his forehead. "So how are you feeling?"
Not
an easy question. Daniel Jackson hated being any trouble, but he
also had no desire to leave the comfort of the hospital and the
company of his nurse, confidant, and caretaker. "My ribs
are still a little sore." He wrinkled his nose and rubbed
them gently for emphasis. A compromise. They were still a little
sore, though not near the sting of what they were when he had
been admitted.
"You're
getting there," she encouraged. "You finish eating and
I'll come back for our walk." She put her hand on his
shoulder and squeezed and for a second he could imagine he was
her friend and not her job. Briefly, he wondered if she snuck
other patients take-out food. Probably, he wasn't anyone
special.
Mindful
of savoring every mouthful, Daniel ate slowly, daydreaming about
finding a new home with someone loving and kind like his own mom
had been. Not Sara, she was married with a boy around his age
and that never worked out. Not only that, she had a husband who
was in the military and husbands were always scary. Long ago he
had decided that the only nice dad in the world had been his
own. So not Sara, but someone like Sara, only single and
childless. He had to admit the odds of finding a new, acceptable
home were practically nonexistent, but hey, a kid can dream,
can't he?
Daniel
finished the last tasty bite and washed it down with the milk on
his tray and waited for Sara to take him on his walk around the
ward. There weren't many kids around tonight which was good, he
could monopolize Sara's time without feeling guilty. Maybe she'd
let him help organize her paperwork again. He was good at that.
"Ready?"
"Yep."
He drew the covers down and waited until her strong hands
reached below his armpits to help steady him, luxuriating in the
few seconds of gentle human contact.
They
started their routine evening trek down the hall, Daniel walking
slower than his injuries warranted.
"Do
you know where you're going after you're discharged?" The
genuine concern in her voice warmed his heart.
"No.
I'll miss the Denton's."
From
her reaction, he guessed he shouldn't have said that. Sara was
looking at him strangely and he felt the need to further
explain. "Trade offs," he said quietly. "I liked
my room and my school."
"No
one deserves to be hit, honey."
A
surprise lump rose in his throat when she leaned over and kissed
his hair.
"Sara?"
A few awkward moments had passed and Daniel decided a change of
subject was in order. The last thing he wanted was for people to
feel sorry for him.
"Yes,
Daniel?" She rubbed his shoulder and looked at him when he
spoke, as if he had something important to say. He liked
that. No one had looked at him like that since... The Accident.
That's what the adults called it. The Accident. As if it were
spilled milk or the wrong brand of coffee. The two people who
mattered most were gone and he was alone. An
"accident" cheapened it into something benign and
acceptable. Then again, it was hard to find the right words. If
there were any right words.
"Thank
you for bringing me a special dinner. I have money in my
backpack if you need it."
"Forget
it. Don't be silly." She waved off the notion of payback
with another light squeeze to his shoulder.
"It
was really nice of you. You had to go out of your way and spend
your own money, too." There wasn't much time left to his
hospital stay, a day, two at the most, and he wanted her to
understand his appreciation. "I won't forget," he
insisted.
Sara
walked beside him and frowned as she wrote on his chart.
"It was nothing, Daniel. No trouble at all. El Charros is
right on my way to work."
He
nodded his agreement even though she was wrong. It was
something, and tonight when he was supposed to be asleep he'd
write about it in his journal. An act of true kindness, so rare
in the past two years that it needed to be recorded, celebrated,
revered and remembered.
The
front door burst open and immediately slammed shut. Sara
winced, smiled, and shook her head.
“Sara?
You home?”
“In
the kitchen, Jack,” she called.
A
moment later strong arms closed around her from behind and he
kissed the nape of her neck.
“Hey,
honey. Everything going okay today?”
She
turned around and gave him a quick kiss. “Considering
half the staff is out with the flu and the rest of us are
pulling double shifts I could say everything is wonderful but
I'd be lying.”
Jack
leaned back for a better look. “No wonder you look so
beat. You're not getting sick, too, are you?”
Sara
laughed and pulled out of his grasp. “I'll take that as an
expression of concern and not as a comment on how I look.”
“What?”
Jack huffed air, giving her an indignant look. “You look
great, as always. I just asked if...”
“I'm
perfectly healthy, thank you for your concern. I'm just
starting dinner so it's going to be at least a half hour before
it's ready. You've got time for a shower and a quick look
at the sports page.”
Jack
grinned but Sara was surprised to see his look of concern
lingering.
“You
just finished a double shift. Why don't you take it easy
and I'll order something to be delivered.”
She
smiled and gave his face a caressing stroke. “Thanks for
the thought but you know I enjoy cooking. It helps me
unwind. Go, get out of my kitchen.”
“It's
awfully quiet around here. Where's Charlie?” he asked,
retreating to the doorway.
“He's
having dinner at Spencer's. He's also spending the night
there.”
“On
a school night?” Jack's eyebrows rose.
“This
is a test run,” she assured him. “I told Charlie that
any possible future repeats will depend on how well he handles
this one.”
Jack
sighed. “Well, he's not a little kid anymore. I
guess we can give it a try.”
“Thank
you for the vote of confidence,” she said dryly.
He
grinned, threw her a kiss, and disappeared, only to reappear a
minute later.
“This
means we have the house to ourselves tonight, right?” he
demanded.
Sara
laughed at his hopeful expression. “What'd you have in
mind, sailor? Some kind of orgy?”
“Wrong
branch of the military,” Jack reminded her. “And I was
thinking about a one-on-one orgy. Maybe in front of the
fireplace? Interested?”
She
shook her head, unable to suppress another laugh.
“Possibly, Flyboy. Get back to me after dinner.”
“Oh,
yeah!”
He
disappeared again and Sara headed for the pantry. They had
the chicken breasts left over from last night. She had
fresh broccoli, yellow squash and red bell peppers in the
refrigerator. And angel hair pasta. That's what
she'd make for dinner. Chicken pasta primavera. Add
a salad and they'd be all set.
And
then?
Sara
knew what Jack was looking forward to tonight. So was she,
but she had another agenda he didn't know about and that would
have to be resolved before any kind of orgy could occur.
Or should she wait until after?
She
thought back to her last conversation with young Daniel Jackson,
just before her shift had ended. Her heart ached at the
memory of his surprise when she had presented him with the meal
from El Charros. More than surprised, he had been momentarily
speechless.
A
surge of anger broke into the memory. What had happened to
that sweet little boy that a simple act of kindness had shocked
him into silence? She knew part of the story. An
abusive foster parent.
Pain
broke her concentration and Sara looked down to see her hands
clasped into fists so tight her nails were cutting into her
palms. She flexed her fingers and sighed over the
indentations in her skin. It was nothing compared to what had
happened to Daniel.
Sara
had a bachelor's degree in nursing and intended to go on for her
master's one day. She had taken all of the required
courses and knew, intellectually, the reasons behind child
abuse. But her intellect failed her before the reality of
Daniel's bruises and cracked ribs.
Her
eyes burned and she hastily rubbed at them with the back of her
hand. Beyond her fury at what had happened, and her
sadness for the pain Daniel had suffered through no fault of his
own, was a growing anger at the system that was supposed to
protect him.
No
one had come to see Daniel at the hospital. Not one
person. A woman from Social Services had appeared the
night he was admitted but that had been simply to take a report.
There were occasional phone calls from the department checking
on his status but the person at the other end never asked about
Daniel, never showed any real interest. No one had
exhibited one iota of concern for an abused ten-year-old boy.
Sara
wasn't sure when the idea first came to her or if it were even
possible. For the idea to have any chance of success, she
was going to have to get Jack to agree and that wasn't going to
be easy.
His
schedule at Cheyenne Mountain was crazy, and her own schedule at
the hospital kept her busy. Not to mention the double
shifts she was currently committed to. If their schedules
weren't big enough obstacles, there was their son, Charlie,
eleven going on thirty, except for sometimes when he seemed to
be going on five. He was the light of their lives and, on
occasion, the bane of their existence.
To
bring another child into their busy lives, to ask Charlie to
share his parents with a stranger... Sara sighed in uncertainty.
As much as she wanted Daniel out of the hospital and a part of
their hectic but loving family, she wasn't sure she had the
right to ask that of Jack and Charlie.
First
things first. In this case, the first thing was to get Jack to
visit Daniel. Considering how much Jack loved kids, she
hoped he wouldn't be able to say no once he actually met the
boy.
Two
hours and a one-on-one orgy later, Sara and Jack were curled up
together on the sofa. Only one lamp was turned on; the
rest of the light came from the dying fire in the fireplace.
Jack
exhaled and his breath tickled her ear. “Guess I should
put another log on,” he observed with a yawn.
Sara
laughed softly. “Not if you're about to fall asleep.”
“Mmm,”
he murmured. “Maybe we should take this upstairs.
Our bed's bigger than this couch and more comfortable than the
rug.”
“In
a little bit,” Sara temporized. “First we need to
talk.”
“About
what?”
Sara
had thought hard about how to bring up the issue but hadn't been
able to settle on a particular approach. Just throw it out
there, she decided.
“I'd
like you to come by the hospital tomorrow.”
“Why?”
His arms loosened their grip on her and he shifted so he could
look at her face.
“There's
someone I'd like you to meet.”
Jack
listened to what she had to say with a growing sense of
foreboding. He liked to think he was a good husband and
father. At least he tried to be. After fifteen years
of marriage he was still crazy about his wife. She was
smart and funny and beautiful, kind and caring, and she
possessed an inner strength that awed him.
She
also had an incredibly soft heart for strays and waifs and other
orphans of the storm. He wasn't surprised she had taken up
this boy's cause as her own. What concerned him was how
far she intended to take it.
Sara
had finished and was looking at him expectantly. Not a
good thing when he didn't agree with her.
“This
isn't a good time for me to take time off,” he finally said.
“Things are busy at the mountain. General West wouldn't be too
thrilled with me disappearing in the middle of the day.”
“It
doesn't have to be in the middle of the day,” Sara said
patiently. “You could come by the hospital tomorrow
night on your way home. He's all alone, Jack. He
hasn't had one visitor all week and he's going to be released
back to Social Services in two days. All I'm asking is
that you take a little time to say hi, let him know that someone
other than a hospital employee cares about what happens to him.
Just be a friend to him.”
She
was being so reasonable. So caring. He could feel
his resistance growing, despite a twinge of shame. Don't
think about the boy, Jack ordered himself. He couldn't
afford to weaken here.
“Sara?”
he said warningly. “Tell me the truth.”
Her
clear blue eyes met his. “I always do,” she said
matter-of-factly.
“Right,”
Jack acknowledged. “Are you thinking about us fostering
this kid?”
“His
name is Daniel.”
“Are
you thinking about us fostering Daniel?” He refused to give an
inch.
“Right
now all I'm thinking about is how much he needs a friend.”
She slipped out of his arms and leaned back, studying him with a
thoughtful expression that always made him nervous.
"Why
are you being so stubborn? I just want you to meet him."
Jack
bit his tongue. That's the same thing she had said about the
puppy, the goldfish and the short-lived ferret fiasco. Come to
think of it, that's how they purchased their last car. 'I don't
want to buy it; I just want you to see it.' Ha!
"I
don't need to meet him," he said cautiously. "What's
the point if he'll be gone in two days?"
"Jack!
Don't be that way. You like kids. He's lonely. I don't
understand your objection."
"If
we're not seriously entertaining the idea of taking him in then
what possible point would there be to my meeting him?"
She'd have to come clean. She couldn't deny that bit of logic.
She
folded her arms and shot him a dirty look. Or could she?
A
light went on. They should meet. It was serious. Because...
because maybe she had already decided. This wasn't just
about fostering the kid. This was more. Damn it! It wasn't fair.
"We
agreed on having another child," she reminded him from the
same determined pose.
That
was true, he had agreed. Sort of... "We agreed on
adopting a baby girl, not a ten-year-old traumatized boy. What
about Charlie? Have you thought about him?"
"I'll
talk to Charlie." Her lips pursed in thought before she
took a deep cleansing breath and narrowed her eyes for good
measure. "Don't even pretend you're thinking about Charlie.
You're thinking about you."
Shit.
She was probably right.
In
his defense, Jack already worried about being home enough for
Charlie; now he would have someone else to worry about. What if
the kid turned out to have serious problems? Sara would be left
alone to deal with all of it while he was away playing soldier.
Worst of all, he was positive he could never love another boy as
much as he loved Charlie. A girl would have been different, a
whole new ballgame. Was that fair to this unknown boy? He
debated whether he should share his concerns with his unshakable
wife.
One
look at her face convinced him not to waste his breath. He threw
up his hands in surrender. "Okay, you win, I'll meet him.
What's one more kid to take to batting practice and shag fly
balls?"
She
relaxed and snickered. "Daniel's not really the baseball
type."
"Football?"
"I
don't think so."
"Hockey?"
She
scoffed at that one.
"No
hockey?"
"He
grew up in Egypt."
"Ah.
He can learn. And if he doesn't like sports I'm versatile. We
can do other things like... fishing. We can fish." He
talked with smooth confidence to cover his doubt. A military
trick.
She
wrapped her arms around his waist. "I hate to tell you
this, honey, but fishing is a sport."
"Not
the way I fish." He turned around and kissed her lips.
She
kissed him back soundly before pulling away to frown.
"Jack..."
"Hmm?"
"When
you go to see him... don't... you know."
"What?"
He eyed her closely, still warm and fuzzy from the kiss.
"Don't
crowd him. He's been through a lot."
"Crowd
him? What are you talking about? I'm not going to crowd him.
I'll just be myself," he said with more bravado than he
felt.
"That's
exactly what I'm talking about."
Jack
gazed at her in growing confusion.
"You
can be yourself," she relented. "Just try to be a
little less yourself than usual. Okay?"
"Less...
me?" he grumbled indignantly. He started to rise but she
stopped him.
"Jack?"
His
breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She was
positively glowing.
"I
love you."
Jack
leaned in to kiss her lips and smell her hair. "I love you,
too."
Chapter
2
Daniel
turned a page but when he couldn't remember what he'd just read,
he closed the book with an irritated slam. He glanced at
the half-eaten dinner tray sitting beside the bed and made a
face. Why did hospitals have to overcook everything?
Always. And they served it to sick people, which only
compounded the crime as far as he was concerned.
He
thought back to the delicious meal Sara had brought him from...
what was the name of that restaurant? He couldn't remember
but it didn't matter. In a little over a day he'd be back
at the Home.
That
was a bad joke, calling that place a home. But it's where
he kept ending up between foster homes.
Daniel
sighed and gave his head a shake. It didn't matter.
He could do this. He had to. It was just like
walking, putting one foot in front of the other. It didn't
matter if the path was occasionally difficult. He'd just
keep putting one foot in front of the other until one day he was
through the system and able to be out on his own.
Meanwhile,
he'd just keep walking...
Daniel
glanced at the open door and swallowed hard. As much as he
didn't like thinking about the Home, it was better than worrying
about the unwanted visitor.
He
wanted to be angry with Nurse Sara but he couldn't, despite the
alarming news she had given him this afternoon - her husband was
coming by to introduce himself and say hi.
“I
hope you'll like him,” she said. “He's a nice guy,
although I admit he does have a screwy sense of humor.”
“Why
is he coming here?” Daniel had been pleased by the calmness of
his voice.
“He's
heard me talking about you and thought it'd be nice to meet
you.”
As
much as he liked Nurse Sara, Daniel didn't believe her. From the
things she had said, her husband was career military, a Colonel
in the Air Force no less, and he was a big sports fan.
Daniel couldn't imagine anyone he'd have less in common with
than this man.
He
looked down at the book in his lap. He'd be willing to bet
anything that Colonel O'Neill wouldn't be interested in this
book.
Daniel
knew what was going on. He had begun to suspect it a
couple of days ago. Nurse Sara was so nice, she had gone
out of her way to bring special meals and ask him about the
kinds of things he liked. She had even brought him this
book from the local library. All of her efforts didn't help ease
the growing lump in his throat.
He
was on trial again. He knew it. And he hated the
feeling.
Colonel
O'Neill wasn't coming by to say hi. He was coming by to
study him, to see if he'd be willing to take the poor orphaned
kid into his home.
Daniel
had been through it numerous times in the last two years.
He knew the signs, he even knew the stages. At first
everyone was excited and welcomed him into their household.
Soon afterward came the slow disenchantment, the gradual
realization that he didn't fit, didn't belong. Sometimes
it only took a couple of weeks, sometimes he lasted a few
months. Eventually the experiment ended and he wound up
back at the Home, waiting to go through the painful process all
over again with the next family.
As
much as Daniel liked Sara, she had a husband and a son.
Experience taught him those situations never worked out.
Not for him.
He
knew it, hated it, and was helpless to change it. Just as
he had been helpless to change Nurse Sara's mind, as hard as he
had tried.
Now
he was waiting. Again. Waiting to be judged, knowing
that, sooner or later, he would be found inadequate. Just
like always.
"Hi.
Daniel Jackson? I'm Jack, Jack O'Neill."
Daniel
looked up to see a stranger standing in the doorway. The
man was tall and lean, very tan and fit-looking. Despair
filled him. If he needed any evidence to prove his theory
that this would never work out, the sight of this man confirmed
it.
Maybe
if he ignored the man he'd go away. It was probably a
forlorn hope, but at this point he was desperate to avoid being
rejected. Again.
"Jack
O'Neill, Nurse Sara's husband?" The tall man in the jeans
wasn't giving up easily.
"Hi,"
Daniel managed, barely covering his disappointment. Damn it! He
only had a precious day or two left here and he wanted to spend
the time with Sara. Not playacting and making nice with her
husband.
"Watchya
reading?"
To
Daniel's great disappointment, Jack O'Neill pulled the chair
closer to the bed and settled in. He didn't look like he'd be
leaving any time soon.
"Just
a book." Daniel hastily closed it and set it aside, away
from Sara's husband, who didn't seem like the type who would
enjoy "An Archaeologist's View of Ancient Mayan
Culture."
"So,
Sara says you're feeling better and will be getting out of this
joint soon."
Daniel
nodded to be polite in deference to Sara and pushed up his
glasses.
"Got
any plans?"
To
Daniel's dismay the husband reached over and picked up the book
and began fiddling with the pages. "Not really. I don't get
to make my own plans." He kept one eye on the man and the
other on the book, hoping the man wouldn't ruin it.
"If
you could make your own plans what would they be?"
Daniel
flushed under the scrutiny. For some reason it felt like Sara's
husband could see inside of him.
"Nothing?"
the relentless man prodded, his eyes maintaining contact while
his fingers continued to absently flip the pages back and forth.
Daniel
relaxed a bit, deciding the man had no intention of ripping the
book, it seemed to be more of a nervous habit. "I-I guess
I'd go live with my grandfather and help him with his
work."
"Ah,
sounds like a good plan."
Daniel
lowered his head, wishing he hadn't expressed that thought out
loud. He normally kept those personal dreams to himself. Come to
think of it, no one had ever asked him. Something made him
add, "Except my grandfather doesn't... well, he's too busy
right now to take me in. He probably will when I'm older,” he
quickly amended.
He
squirmed when the husband didn't immediately answer.
Daniel had been hoping for that particular dream to come true
since getting beyond the initial shock of The Accident. It was a
hope that only worked when he was able to forget about Grandpa
Nick's obvious disinterest in him.
The
husband nodded. "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
"Fun?"
Daniel blinked and cleared his throat, stalling for time. Aside
from studying languages and ancient Egyptian text, he didn't
find much fun. Sara's husband didn't know him but the man's
questions had a knack for invading his comfort zone.
"Yeah,
fun. Sports, rollerblading, wrestling, computer games, music...
fishing. Do ya like fishing?"
Despite
the pitifully long pause nothing came to mind. He had never
fished a day in his life. "Reading," he finally
muttered.
Daniel
was horrified when Sara's husband turned over the book he'd been
playing with and silently scanned the title before letting out a
low whistle.
"It's
fun to me." Daniel's cheeks flushed pink as he clarified.
Ten
hours, that only registered as thirty minutes on the clock,
passed before Sara's husband mercifully rose from the chair to
leave.
"Nice
meeting you, Daniel."
"You
too," Daniel cheerfully lied, not relaxing until the door
closed after the tall figure. Even though he could relax
physically, it didn't help much mentally.
Holding
his book to his chest he sighed over the visit and the
nerve-wracking questions. Yep, no doubt about it. He
had definitely been on trial. And he'd been found guilty.
"Hey,
Daniel." Finally. Sara was a breath of fresh air in the
stale, antiseptic smelling room.
"Did
you like Jack?" She sat down in the chair her husband had
recently vacated.
"Sure,
Sara, he's fine." If you like root canals and Avian flu.
"Are you working today or just visiting?" If she
wasn't working she had come in special, just to see him, and
that was something he'd record and savor as soon as he had the
chance.
Sara
smiled but didn't answer. It was obvious she had something
else on her mind. "Daniel, there's something I want to talk
to you about."
She
sounded serious and his heart dropped. She had come in
right after her husband had left. He knew what that meant
and tried to distract her.
"Do
you need the money back from dinner the other day?"
"No,
of course not." Her eyes scrunched in confusion for a
second before she smiled. "Jack and I were wondering if
you'd like to come and stay with us for awhile."
He
ducked his head not wanting her to see his eyes.
Obviously, she hadn't talked to her husband yet. She
didn't know he had flunked the Colonel's inspection.
Or,
maybe she had said it on a whim. Out of duty, or pity.
He'd give her an easy out. "Um... you need to be certified
for that."
She
looked disappointed and Daniel felt a slight jab of pain in his
gut that had nothing to do with his ribs. That obviously wasn't
the answer she'd been hoping to hear.
"Jack
and I are approved. I can't have any more children and we've
been talking about fostering or adopting for a while now. It's
up to you, Daniel, but we'd love to have you."
Her
enthusiasm was back and he didn't want to disappoint her again.
It
was a tough call. If he said yes, he was setting himself up for
disappointment. Two years in the foster care system had
taught him that much. No matter how hard he tried, he
never fit in.
He
had nothing in common with her husband. Besides that,
Daniel was stubborn and headstrong and had a penchant for not
listening, for doing things his own way. Sara liked him
now but she wouldn't like him nearly as much when the placement
inevitably ended. It seemed the more you knew people and
the more they knew you, the less everyone got along. At least
that had been his experience to date.
That
said, going back to the Home would be hard to take. The
temporary group homes tended to be loud and crowded and hard to
deal with. Better to face the unknown and hope for the best.
Even if it only lasted a few months, he'd be ahead of the game,
a few months closer to being a grown up. To being
independent and free to make his own choices.
"Okay,
let's try it," he answered softly, wondering how long it
would last this time and how much it would hurt when they
decided he wasn't good enough to be a part of their family.
"Great,"
she said, her eyes shining. "We'll see how it goes. If you
want to leave at any time let me know, okay?"
It
wouldn't last. It never did but for a while he could daydream
and pretend and if he was lucky, eat a few more El Charro
burritos before it all came crashing down like the giant cover
stone in the New York City Museum. Life could change in the
blink of an eye. One chink in the armor, one weak link and it
was all over. There was nothing he could do but prepare himself,
steel himself, bide his time and wait for that glorious day when
he'd cross the threshold into adulthood and leave his painful
childhood behind.
Sara
led Daniel upstairs to unpack and he was thrilled to discover he
had his own room. He hadn't expected that. He was sure he'd be
sharing a room with Charlie and that would only speed up his
certain exit.
When
he hoisted up his suitcase to unpack he noted the single bed
looked brand new. How lucky could he get!
"Come
on, I'll introduce you to Charlie and then we'll have some
lunch. You can unpack later."
Daniel
reluctantly left the suitcase on the bed and followed Sara down
the hall. This was the part he dreaded. Being the new kid was
always difficult, and if foster life had taught him anything, it
was that the 'real' kids never had much use for the 'new' kids.
Charlie
was sitting on his bed studying a model airplane. Daniel guessed
he was most likely sitting there waiting to meet the poor orphan
kid from the hospital. He was surprised when Charlie's face lit
up with a smile as Sara introduced him. He could be faking the
smile for his mom's benefit but Daniel could usually spot that,
even if most moms couldn't.
"I'll
leave you two to talk and get acquainted."
Even
though Sara left the door open, Daniel felt trapped and
uncomfortable. He was never good at meeting new kids. It never
went well after the parents left and he never understood why.
"Hi!"
Charlie smiled and seemed genuinely enthused so Daniel took a
deep breath and smiled back. "I'm Charlie." Charlie
set the model down on the bed and offered his hand so Daniel
shook it.
"I'm
sorry your mom and dad died," Charlie said solemnly.
Daniel
stayed quiet wondering if there was going to be a punch line.
That type of statement was usually followed up with "but
you can't have mine" or something to that effect. Charlie
didn't seem to have a follow-up though and Daniel decided maybe
Charlie meant it, he was sorry. The whole idea of moms and dads
dying bothered him. Probably scared the heck out of him, as well
it should. There was nothing scarier. Daniel should know, he was
living the nightmare.
He
wasn't sure how to respond. Adults never said things that
direct. Charlie seemed sincere though and maybe it was better to
say it out loud and clear the air.
"I
hope you like staying with us," Charlie added in an effort
to break the uncomfortable silence.
Daniel
still could only nod dumbly. This was the first new kid, and
certainly the first "real" kid, who didn't hate his
guts on sight. He supposed he should say something nice but he
had no idea what would be appropriate.
"Do
you like airplanes?" Charlie changed the subject and filled
in the silence, holding out the model plane for his scrutiny.
"I
guess." Daniel accepted the plane and looked it over. He
hadn't given airplanes much thought one way or the other but it
would be rude to say that.
"That's
not really an airplane," Charlie said enthusiastically.
"It's a jet. My dad's a pilot. He flies jets, well,
he used to, and he flew one just like this. We built it
together."
Daniel
stared at the jet and blinked back unexpected tears, envisioning
Jack and Charlie hunched over the model working on it together.
It reminded him of his dad sitting beside him in Egypt, his sure
hand guiding his in the correct method of unearthing an
artifact.
"It's
all right if you don't like models," Charlie said quickly.
He took the prized jet and placed it back on the desk with the
other models. "Do you like sports?" he asked with the
same enthusiasm. "I play baseball, basketball and hockey.
I'd play football, too, but my mom won't let me. She thinks it's
too dangerous." Charlie rolled his eyes at that and waited
expectantly for an answer.
Daniel
hated to be a disappointment but the reality was that he didn't
play any of those sports. Growing up in Egypt hadn't exposed him
to American sports and he found he had no aptitude or interest.
Why would he? No one had ever taken the time to explain how the
games were played, they just expected him to know.
Daniel
shook his head and waited for the real kid's attitude toward him
to change.
"How
old are you?" Charlie asked, undeterred.
"Ten,"
Daniel answered, wondering what that had to do with anything.
"Cool!
Little League is starting next week. You can sign up and we can
play on the same team. My dad helps coach when he can. He's away
a lot so he can't be the head coach."
Charlie
must really like sports. Duh, Daniel. One look at
all the trophies in the room should have made that obvious.
The
older boy was really making an effort. Daniel figured he
should say something and sports seemed like the safest topic.
“You
play lots of sports,” he observed.
Charlie's
smile widened. “Oh, yeah. I'm even going to the
Fantasy Sports Week Camp at the end of August!”
Daniel
had no idea what Charlie was talking about but while he debated
asking, his new, temporary foster brother rushed on.
“It's
so cool! Pro athletes from football and baseball and
soccer all come together for the week, they run different
clinics every day, and you get to practice with them and get
pointers and everything. I signed up two years ago but the
waiting list is so long this'll be my first chance to go.”
Some of his excitement abated and he gave Daniel an apologetic
look. “I'm sorry you won't be able to come along.”
Why
did Charlie have to be so nice? Daniel was shocked to find that
the 'real' kid being nice didn't make things any easier. It
actually made it harder. He had always assumed nothing ever
worked out because of the foster parents, or the other foster
kids, or the 'real' kids. It was a jolt to realize that he
himself might be part of the problem as well. He didn't like
baseball and didn't want to play, he had only recently become
aware that American football wasn't soccer, and he had no idea
what one did in the sport of hockey. And, he had no desire to
build model airplanes. A model of Tutankhamen's tomb or of the
temple at Luxor might have been a different story.
Maybe
the placements weren't the problem. It hurt to admit but maybe
he was the problem. He didn't belong in America. He didn't
belong anywhere.
"I'm
going to go unpack," he announced to a stunned,
disappointed Charlie.
"Are
you going to sign up for Little League?" Charlie asked
hopefully.
Daniel
had to admire Charlie's persistence. "No," he managed
on his way out the door. He didn't need that humiliation.
Sara
was surprised at how subdued the boys were during lunch. She had
been so proud of Charlie when she and Jack had explained
Daniel's circumstances and the fact that they wanted to take him
in. Charlie had been all for it. He was active and sociable and
Sara had always felt bad that he was an only child. Despite the
fact he was all boy, underneath it all, her son had a heart of
gold. Just like his father. They had both been proud and Jack
had told Charlie so, out loud. Sara wondered what had happened
to take the wind out of her son's sails.
The
boys sat around the kitchen table eating boloney sandwiches
while she chatted about what a nice spring day it was to fill in
the lack of conversation. She was just about to ask if anything
was wrong when Jack came bursting through the door with his
usual exuberance. He had promised to try to get out of work by
noon to spend time with the boys and she was grateful he had
managed it. She hated when Jack had to work weekends, mainly
because she knew it disappointed Charlie. Sure enough, her son
lit up at the sight of his father. Sara noted that Daniel didn't
look nearly as impressed.
"Do
you have to go back to work?" Charlie asked the question on
her mind.
"Not
til Monday." Jack smiled and Sara marveled at how much her
guys mirrored each other. Now if only they could get Daniel to
smile. She had no doubt it was just a matter of time until
Daniel felt comfortable enough to laugh and joke and feel
accepted. For today, she'd leave that task to Jack. He was a
master at coaxing smiles and laughter.
"What
do you say we get out of your mother's hair and go down to the
park?"
Daniel
heard the offer with a surge of dismay. He'd done his best
to maintain a pleasant front throughout the unending afternoon
but he wasn't sure he could keep it up much longer. He
hadn't missed Charlie's slipping smile when Jack included him in
the invitation. It had only lasted a second before Charlie
nodded agreeably, but Daniel had seen it. He knew when he
wasn't wanted. Pushing himself forward, especially so
early in a new foster situation, was a guarantee of a quick
departure.
“Um...
actually, I'm kind of tired,” he said.
Daniel
squirmed as Jack eyed him intently. Those dark brown eyes
seemed to see right through him and he had a panicky thought
that the man knew he was lying.
“Of
course you are,” Sara said quickly. “I should have
thought of that. Jack, why don't you and Charlie go?
I'll give Daniel a tour of the house and then he can unpack and
settle in.”
Daniel
watched Jack and Sara exchange long looks. Jack turned to his
son. “What d'ya say, buddy? You willing to spend a
little time with your old man?”
Charlie
grinned broadly. “Sure, Dad! Hey, how about doing
some batting practice while we're there?”
“Good
plan,” Jack nodded vigorously. “Let's get the
equipment.”
Charlie
whooped and charged up the stairs and Jack gave Sara a quick
kiss. “We'll be back in a little while.”
“Take
your time,” Sara said. “This will give Daniel and I a
chance to get better acquainted.”
She
gave him a warm smile and some of the day's tension eased.
This he could do.
After
Jack and Charlie made a noisy departure, Sara kept her word and
took him on a tour of the house. Because she had lots of
stories to share about the different rooms and the various
items, it took longer than Daniel expected. He didn't
care. Being able to spend time with Sara, almost like he
was her real kid, was a reward in itself.
When
they reached the foot of the stairs, Sara paused. “Well,
now you've seen almost the entire house. I know it's not
fancy but we like it.”
“It's
nice,” Daniel said. He hoped he didn't have to offer
anything more because he didn't know what else to say. A
house was a house. This one seemed okay.
Sara's
lips twitched. “Thank you. I'm glad you think so.
There's just one more thing - ”
The
phone rang and Sara headed toward the kitchen to answer it.
“I'll be right back,” she called over her shoulder.
Daniel
nodded and remained where he was. A minute later he heard
her voice. “Hello? ... Hi, Dad! What did the doctor
say?”
He
shifted uncomfortably. This sounded like a private
conversation. Maybe he should get out of hearing range,
except he wasn't sure where to go. He could go back to the
family room Sara had just showed him. There was a computer
in there that she said would be available to him and Charlie,
for fun, as well as for schoolwork.
His
throat tightened at the thought. He didn't want to go back in
there. The first thing he had spotted when Sara had showed him
the room was the wall of books. She mentioned the books in
this room were available to everyone in the house and had added,
with a laugh, that they had books on practically every subject
except poetry.
Daniel
was pretty sure Sara had meant the remark to be informative, but
her words still sent a rush of hurt through him. Next to
ancient history and languages, poetry had been his mother's
favorite subject. He had no idea how many times he had
fallen asleep at night, lulled by his mother's reading aloud of
one poem or another. Especially Tennyson, he remembered,
swallowing hard. Tennyson had been her favorite.
Daniel
hadn't opened a book of poetry since... since The Accident.
Pain
squeezed his heart. No, he couldn't think about it.
Think about something else, he admonished himself. Sara
was still talking to her father and he didn't want to be
listening, however innocently, to her conversation.
Glancing
around, he noticed a closed door half-way down the hall. He
didn't know what was in there; they hadn't reached that room yet
in Sara's tour.
Daniel
walked quickly down the hall and when he reached the door, he
tried turning the handle. It opened easily and he peered
inside.
It
looked like an office. Jack's office, maybe? The
walls were painted in a camel color and there was a desk of dark
brown wood against the far wall. Green curtains with a
geometric design running through them were drawn across the two
windows and there was a map on the opposite wall. It looked like
a chart of the constellations, Daniel noted in surprise.
There
were built-in bookcases filled with books and he was tempted to
take a closer look. If this was Jack's office, he
suspected he wouldn't need to worry about running across books
of poetry. As he took a step toward them, something else
caught his attention. There was a computer on the desk.
So the one in the family room wasn't the only one in the house.
He
wondered if he would be allowed to use this one. That way
he wouldn't have to worry about cutting into Charlie's computer
time. If this one was hooked up to the internet... yes, he saw
the line running from the computer to a telephone jack.
Was it turned on?
Daniel
moved across the room and went around the desk so he could see
the monitor, then sighed in disappointment at the blank screen.
Maybe he could ask Sara...
His
rambling thoughts came to an end as he looked down at the papers
spread across the desk. There were several pages of
single-spaced text but he ignored those in favor of the
pictures. Without thinking, he picked one up for a better
look.
It
was! It was the Egyptian snake code his parents had
discovered and taught him to read.
What
was it doing here?
His
curiosity aroused, Daniel shuffled quickly through the other
pictures until he reached the last one. It was a picture
of a blackboard with figures scrawled across it, figures which
few people in the world could understand. Daniel
recognized them, thanks to his parents' teaching.
Door
to heaven? How had they got that phrase out of -
His
breath hitched and the picture fell from his suddenly nerveless
hand. In his shuffling of the papers and photos he saw the
original folder. Stamped in large red letters across the front
were the words TOP SECRET.
Daniel
cast a frantic look around the room. His earlier guess had
been right. This was Jack's office. This must be
something from the military, something he shouldn't have seen.
With
his heart pounding loudly, Daniel ran to the door and peeked out
to make sure no one was in sight. Seeing that the coast
was clear, he slipped back into the hall and closed the door
firmly behind him. Wiping damp palms against his jeans, he
hurried for the back door. If anyone wanted him, they
could find him outside.
Chapter
3
Despite
enjoying his own room and the brand new comfortable bed, Daniel
found he had trouble sleeping. He'd fall asleep easily enough
but he wouldn't stay asleep. The dreams would wake him up.
Tonight wasn't any different. Daniel stumbled out of bed and
quietly tiptoed to the bathroom. As he passed Jack and Sara's
door he froze at the sound of voices coming from inside, his
stomach began to churn when he realized they were talking about
him.
"I
did try, Sara. And so did Charlie." Jack sounded a little
aggravated.
"Well,
you need to try harder. After all, he's only been here a
few days. Even Jack O'Neill didn't rise to the rank of
Colonel that quickly."
Daniel
cringed at Sara's flippant words. He hunched his shoulders, his
heart racing with nervous anxiety at how Jack would respond to
that. To his relief, there was no yelling or heaven forbid,
hitting. After it was quiet for a few minutes Daniel crept back
to bed but he couldn't get the overheard conversation out of his
mind. Jack was right, he had tried and so had Charlie. He,
Daniel Jackson, was the only one who hadn't tried.
For
once he couldn't blame the foster parents or the 'real' kid for
his problems. He didn't fit in. He never would. He was too
different. He only ever fit in one time, in one place, and that
place no longer existed. The circumstances and the people could
never be duplicated. Where did that leave him? Even though he
was ten years old and almost grown, he began to cry, stifling
the sounds in his pillow.
His
mom and dad would never again kiss him goodnight or smile at him
like Jack and Sara smiled at Charlie. As much as he hated the
word and had denied it for two years, it was true. He was an
orphan and he would always be an orphan. Nothing could change
that or make it better. Not now, not ever.
It
had been so much easier to blame the foster care system for all
of his problems. If he himself was the problem how could he ever
start a new life? Then again, maybe he didn't really want a new
life.
He
wasn't ready to let go of the old one.
“Here
we are,” Sara said as she turned into the parking lot next to
the school.
“Thanks
for the ride, Mom,” Charlie said, reaching for the door handle
as the car slowed.
“Charlie,
don't you dare!” his mother snapped. “You wait until
we stop.”
“Oh,
Mom,” he groaned, “you're barely moving.”
Sara
braked and turned off the engine before looking at her son
sitting beside her. “Don't 'oh, mom' me,” she said
severely, “You know the rules.”
He
sighed resignedly, “Okay, okay, I'm sorry.”
“That's
better. Have a wonderful day, honey.” Her forbidding
glare was replaced with a smile.
”You, too,” he threw over his shoulder as he burst out of
the car, then paused to look at Daniel who was still sitting in
the back seat. “Umm...”
“Daniel
will be along later,” Sara said.
“Okay,”
Charlie nodded, then gave Daniel a wave before pulling his
backpack over his shoulder and racing toward the hordes of kids
congregating in front of the school.
Daniel
didn't return the wave. He was too busy trying to hide his
nervousness. A new school was often the beginning of the
end for him.
Sara
was standing outside, watching him. Sitting in the car was
only prolonging the inevitable. Forcing a weak smile, he opened
the door and struggled out.
“Thanks
for the ride, Sara, but you really don't have to come in with
me,” he said, for what felt like the tenth time.
Despite
his nerves, her smile warmed him. Daniel had no doubt that
Sara, at least, really wanted him in the house. For awhile
anyway. Eventually, like always, it would change and then he'd
be gone. He needed to remember that so he didn't get to
like her too much.
“You're
welcome, Daniel. Ordinarily, you and Charlie will be
walking to and from school but since the principal asked to meet
with me today about your schedule, I thought we could all drive
in together.”
He
wished he knew the right words to change her mind. It was
bad enough, starting at a new school. To be accompanied by
an adult as if he was a little kid... he was already blushing.
Worst of all, he knew why the principal wanted to see Sara.
He had been through this rigmarole before, every time he began
at a new school and it never got any easier.
Though
Daniel kept his head down, he could feel the eyes on him as he
walked through the laughing, chattering gauntlet of kids.
Sara walked beside him and her presence made his face burn with
embarrassment.
He
didn't feel any better when they entered the building. Kids were
swarming everywhere. He might have slipped by unnoticed
had he been alone. With Sara along everyone was checking
out the new kid.
They
followed the “Administration” sign with an arrow below it,
pointing down another hall. After that turn, they saw the
office.
“Here
we go,” Sara said as she placed one hand lightly on his
shoulder.
Daniel
stiffened. He couldn't help himself. He was allowing
her to get too close. It was dangerous.
Maybe
she picked up on his thought because she took away her hand, and
Daniel felt a fresh wave of embarrassment. He suspected he
had hurt her feelings but didn't know how to make things better.
Sara
stopped in front of a counter, behind it, Daniel could see three
women working away at their computers.
“I'm
Sara O'Neill,” she told the one nearest, “and this is Daniel
Jackson. Today is his first day and Principal Sutton wants
to meet with us.”
The
woman - she had to be pretty old, Daniel thought, since she had
gray in her hair - flipped through some papers on her desk.
“Oh, yes, here it is. If you could have a seat for a
minute, Mr. Sutton should be right with you.”
There
was a wooden bench by the wall and Sara led him over to it.
Daniel sat beside her and tried to slow his anxious breathing.
He'd been through this before and knew what to expect.
Maybe someone would listen to him this time. It wasn't likely,
but he could always hope.
Before
he was ready, a tall, thin, gray-haired man emerged from the
office. “Mrs. O'Neill? I'm the principal, John
Sutton. And this must be Daniel.”
Daniel
was tempted to refuse the man's extended hand. He was
tired of new schools and new teachers and new principals, but
with Sara beside him, watching, he had to respond. He offered
his own hand and tried to ignore the principal's phony smile.
“Right
this way.” After tentatively shaking hands they followed the
man inside.
This
principal's office reminded Daniel of other principals' offices.
It had lots of bookcases - which were always filled with boring
books - a window that let him see outside and a desk made of
fake wood with lots of papers and files piled on top of it.
Some principals' offices only had one chair in front of the
desk, a few had three chairs, but this principal followed the
usual custom of having two.
“Please
have a seat,” he said, closing the door behind him and going
around the desk to his own chair, which was, Daniel noticed,
much nicer than the two visitor's chairs.
Sara
sat down and Daniel took the seat beside her. The principal was
looking at him but Daniel kept his eyes lowered, staring at his
hands folded in his lap.
“Thank
you for coming, Mrs. O'Neill.”
“It's
no problem,” she said graciously.
Daniel
opened his mouth but quickly shut it. Sara had planned to go
over to her father's this morning, plans she had to change when
the school had called to set up this meeting. He had heard
her talking to Jack afterwards and she hadn't been pleased with
the change of plans.
But
if she wanted the principal to think it hadn't been any trouble,
he wasn't about to challenge her.
“Was
there a problem getting Daniel's records from his previous
school?” she asked.
“No,
no, not at all.” There was a note in Sutton's voice that
made Daniel look up. Yep, just as he expected. His stomach
churned. The principal was looking at him as if he was some kind
of... freak.
“We
received his records and I must say they are, for lack of a
better phrase, extremely impressive.” The principal
flashed a wide, artificial smile and Daniel ducked his head
again.
“Along
with his records were the results of some I.Q. tests that were
given nearly two years ago.”
Daniel's
throat tightened at what was sure to follow. He braced
himself, but instead, Sara's voice interrupted.
“I
thought I.Q. tests could only be given with the permission of a
child's parents.” Her words were strong and sure with a
surprising edge of anger in her tone.
Sutton
straightened up and Daniel felt a mean sense of pleasure at the
principal's expression, as if he had been caught telling tales.
“Actually,
it was Social Services who requested the testing. Since
they have the ultimate authority for Daniel, the legal
requirements were met, I assure you.”
Sara's
eyes were on him but Daniel kept his head down. To his
surprise, her hand covered his and she squeezed gently.
The warmth and support were completely unexpected and he was
horrified by sudden tears. He hastily blinked them away.
“Why
am I here, Mr. Sutton?” Sara asked abruptly.
It
was the principal's turn to blink. “Mrs. O'Neill, I take it
you are unaware of the results of the I.Q. testing.”
“I'm
not interested in the results,” Sara said flatly. “I'm
interested in Daniel being assigned to his classes so he can
begin catching up.”
“That's
exactly why I asked you here,” Mr. Sutton returned.
The
principal sounded a little flustered and Daniel's respect for
Sara went up a few more notches.
“I'm
not following you,” she said and Daniel glanced out of the
corner of his eye at her. Yes, she definitely looked
irritated at the principal. Sara was on his side and that
knowledge helped settle his jumpy stomach.
Sutton
looked down at the open file on his desk. “Mrs. O'Neill,
in his prior school Daniel had been placed in the ninth grade,
where he was doing superior work. He was also taking
several college-level classes through a special program.”
Daniel
squeezed his eyes shut. Here it came.
There
was a long silence. “I don't understand,” Sara said slowly.
“The
I.Q. tests, not to mention Daniel's own achievements -” he
gave Daniel a quick look and another surface smile - “such as
the fact that he speaks twelve languages, |