My timing is
impeccable. Daniel is hustling out of his office door when I take
him by the shoulders and hustle him right back in again.
"I was just
coming to find you," he explains earnestly. He's said that before.
know." I've said this before. I've lost count how many,
many, many times. "Every loop we do this exact same dance."
be frustrating," Daniel says softly, looking at me compassionately.
think?" I'm too tired for real sarcasm.
appears concerned by this. "I can't imagine what it's like for
you," he offers, clearly wishing he could help.
agree flatly. "You want to know what frustrated is? I've
learned Latin. I've learned Ancient. I'm correcting your
grammar. I know as much as Carter does about geomagnetic storms,
subspace bubbles and time inversions. I can ride a bicycle, make
pots and putt thirteen billion miles."
I know what
my second-in-command tastes like.
hell on your handicap." Daniel's automatic snarking is a trifle
distracted because he's just noticed my hands are still on his
shoulders. He looks at them and then he looks at me, all
wide-eyed and concerned.
been teaching me."
need to," Daniel nods, not knowing where I'm taking this but along for
the ride anyhow. "I couldn't translate four hundred pages of
alien text in a day. I mean, the context -"
spent a lot of time together," I interrupt loudly. "Teaching,
This piques Daniel's interest. "I've never tried that on a class
before. Is it working?"
very distractable. Sometimes, this annoys me. Today, this
loop, it comes as a relief. "Okaaay. That's new. New
is good." He has no idea how good. "Usually you say
something like, 'Guys, are you getting this? Because this is
important.' I'm word perfect," I elaborate unnecessarily.
Daniel, sensitive soul that he is, is blinking in some sort of slow-mo,
dawning horror way. "On all of it. Everything. I know
what everyone will say, everyone will do, every goddamned permutation
of every conceivable thought, word and deed. I've done
everything. I've done it many, many times."
opens his mouth and I put my trigger finger over it, hush him, not
me about the whole 'no consequences' deal." Daniel's face lights
with fascination. "I did that too," I add crushingly.
"Everything. Again and again. And again. Again.
Again. And again."
the empathy and understanding in the world in those eyes for me.
adequately convey to you the depth of my need to do something
new, something I've never done before. Ever. Something I don't
know how it will turn out. I'm insane with that
need." Exploding out of my skull, skin-stripping, killing
insane. "I can't take it." I move my finger from his
mouth, slide my hand around to cup his nape.
Daniel sighs. He hardly ever touches me, hardly ever reaches out,
but he does it now, his fingers curling round my bicep.
even tell you how many loops I've thought about doing this." God,
my voice is beginning to shake. "I don't want to, and I do.
I don't know what to do, but I have to do it."
Daniel encourages me.
in talking. I believe actions speak louder than any words.
I reach around behind him and put my hand, shaking worse than my voice,
on his ass.
awfully still and gets kind of pale and breathy, but all he does is
look steadily back at me.
looked," I admit reluctantly. I've checked him out. I'm not
the only one. I swear, I've seen Siler do the same. Not
that that's the point.
butt?" Daniel's incredulity is not unexpected.
"You have a
"For a guy?"
answer after a moment, surprised to find this is true. "Your ass
needs no qualification. Just a really, really great -"
"I get the
don't think you do."
good?" Daniel asks with the inane cheeriness of a tour guide.
fine." Firmer than I'm used to, but the curves are - are -
Christ. My body knows this; recognition, acceptance, a
punch to my gut, suddenly I'm breathy and shaking too.
Attraction. I feel it. I feel it. God, more
than with Carter. Much. She told me I was lying to myself,
that I didn't even know I was lying - that can't be right. You
either feel or you don't. No one can tell you what you
know. I kissed her, it was good, it was great, she kissed me
back. I know that about her now. I know Carter yet I'm
here, my heart is pounding out my mouth and my hand is on Daniel's ass.
this? Um, better now? I mean, don’t let me, um," Daniel
says incoherently. He hasn't pushed me away or anything but his
eyes are huge and extremely worried.
very attractive. Do you know that?"
frown deepens. "Do you find me attractive?" he asks
nod. "I didn't mean to, but I see you. I feel it."
Daniel doesn't need to tell me what I feel for him. No words at
all. Mostly, they get in the way. He thinks the world of me
and I…I put my arms around him, hold him close to me, liking the way he
feels, though his body is very different from any I've touched this way
before. There's more of him, more to him. I can’t explain.
"In a few
hours," Daniel tells me in a low, compelling voice, his face very close
to mine, "this won't have happened for me. You do realise?"
cut him off, leaning into him, a specific pleasure in the way he takes
my weight unthinkingly.
that it will have happened for you," he goes on patiently.
know." I knew what to do, with Carter. Any woman.
With Daniel, I'm lost. I don't know the boundaries and my hand on
his ass seems less - it's not like kissing. Daniel is intensely
private and I guess I know - kissing is too far, too much. I
shouldn't. I don't need to be told. "I want to." I
hear the plea and the shock in my own voice. Holding Daniel, my
blood is pumping, my legs shaking. I'm trembling, wanting
more. I don't know my limits, I don't know his. "I
shouldn't," I whisper roughly, my lips close to his ear. He
smells of mint, the zingy stuff he uses to wake him up in the shower
after he pulls an all-nighter he doesn't want me to know about. I
breathe him in and then my lips are on his skin.
He makes a
sound, oddly soft. Blind, I find his mouth. The sound,
again. My lips on his, lush and stiff. I lean into him,
weak and giddy, my body hard against his, his mouth…
but not struggling, not fighting, fingers clenched on my bicep,
bruising. He doesn't know what to do and I - I taste him.
I push him,
he staggers and we stumble back into his shelves. I pin him there
with my weight and he moves against me, pushing now, pushing
back. A pleasure I never suspected. A pleasure.
Pushing, pressure, I slide into his mouth, into heat and
sweetness. His legs go and for a moment, I'm holding his weight,
holding him hard, exulting.
noise is mine. I want him. I want…his tongue, still beneath
mine, but his hand, both hands now on my arms, flexing, he doesn’t know
whether to push me or hold me. Trying to hold himself still, he's
my god, he's thought about this too.
into him, maybe harder than I intended. Deeper. Tentative
is not the way I feel, not now. Raw, exposed, shivering with
desire. I swear, I never knew. Not like this!
How deep did I bury this, all the wanting? I won't bury this
resistance is turning me on. He's his own man and a strong
one. He's not giving in to what either of us wants, maybe not
even sure what that is. I am. I'm sure now. He has to
open to me, melt, move with me. There's nothing else.
I don't demand, I invite, sinuously rubbing his tongue with mine.
fighting his body to stillness as I sink deeper into him, panic clawing
at me as the feel and the taste of him get me hard. Scared
shitless, I can't stop. I won't. I'll never be the same
after this. He knew it, I know it now. Drowning, afraid, I
drive deeper, slowing my thrusts to mirror the pulse of my hips pushing
into his, a rhythm we both know, let him taste the sullen throb of my
shudders as his cock fills, as he swells against me. The breath
sobs in his throat as his arms come around me, clamping round my
neck. My knees buckle as his tongue curls up, rubs mine. I
fall into him, he catches me, holds me tightly to him, straining into
me, all of him.
direct, aroused, Daniel eats my tongue. Suckling, slow, intense,
erotic. Soft, strong bites, holding me where it's good for
him. Crushing ecstasy, burning me away.
is frightening to me, maybe to him, but he takes it. His hands
are restless in my hair, turning my face, deepening the pressure, the
pleasure; the sweetest, gentlest soul, he gives himself, everything,
holds nothing back and takes it all. All of me.
blurs and we fall, graceless, to our knees, breaking apart then,
gulping in harsh, panting breaths.
can't speak but he stares. His eyes drowned, he stares at me.
too. I've been seeing him for a long time. Fighting,
refusing to know what all this means. I start to speak and Daniel
hushes me with a brush of his lips. Don't. I
understand. Not like this. He lets me touch his face,
though, his fingers in my hair.
in reaction, panic shared, unspoken, understood.
this again, Jack," Daniel whispers.
won't. I promise. This wasn't what I meant to do.
This was supposed to be about me and the literal thrill of the
unexpected. I didn't expect - I wasn't prepared in any way.
means too much.
He holds me
tight, stays with me, because I need him. I'm looking into his
eyes as the red alert sounds, the loop about to reset. I can't
let him go. I can't.
Daniel kisses me.
I’m sorry, but that just happens to be how I feel about it!
What do you think?" Daniel asks me passionately, smacking his
hand at the air for emphasis.
I put down
my spoon and do the clichéd smile though your heart is breaking
thing. For the first time in god knows how many loops, Daniel
forgets his question and smiles back. For the first time, Carter
looks at him, instead of him looking at her.
about her. It never was. I'm - slow.
judging a book by its cover. Damnit. He was right in front
of me the whole time, the 'he', the friend, enough to stop me seeing
"We have a
briefing," I tell them, not wanting to deal with Daniel's soft-eyed
concern. Looking at him, I see myself, my own blindness.
Moments ago he was kissing me because I needed him to and looking at
him now, there's nothing. Just my good, oh, so familiar
friend. Just - Daniel.
there, all this feeling he has for me, locked away, and he doesn't even
We can't go
on as we are.
mean the loop.
touch him again. I promised. Not while he doesn't
know. This is what he meant, what he was asking, that I would be
honest about this with him. I can't even think about doing
nothing, about letting him go. I couldn't take it, Daniel wanting
me, being this close and not allowing himself to see me at all.
I can just
never have kissed him, but I did and I have to go with it. I have
to, the same as I had to go to him. It makes some sense to me
now. What I felt for him, it was starting to be too much.
More than friendship, for me, was supposed to be. It was bleeding
out, in frustration, anger.
this way, I've hit bottom, emotionally. I guess I had to.
That's what it took for me to face this, reaching the point where I
felt I was losing everything. I needed to make something happen,
anything. I could have gone to anyone, done anything. I
went to him.
worse than I did before and I can't go to him. I can't do that
is worse when I'm helpless.
some hustle, kids. We have work."
you smiling at?" Carter asks me, puzzled and half-smiling herself.
Only that I've made up my mind. About Daniel, about what I feel
for him. It seems right I take the risk, expose something of
myself to Daniel when there are consequences for us both. Kind of
balances out how I learned about the two of us. Not wholly, I
mean, this is a calculated risk. I know what will happen if I get
him alone someplace, if I bring him in close to me and kiss him
hard. I know the pleasure I'll take, kissing him until he
capitulates, until he opens up to me, until he wants me and kisses me
I know it
can't happen that way. I have to give him the choice, I have to
that's ironic. It actually sounds like I know what I'm doing and
I've never been less certain of anything in my life.
at the head of the table, showing us more of those interminable images
from P4X-639, as if we’ve never seen them before.
you got for us, Dr Jackson?" Hammond asks him.
the help of Teal'c and," he points to me, raising his eyebrows with
palpable scepticism, "Jack, I’ve managed to complete the
He is sooo
going to pay for that when I get him alone. I've been translating
rings round him for loops.
originally suspected, P4X-639 was once a colony of the Ancients. They
thrived there for thousands of years until they were struck by some
sort of unspecified cataclysm, perhaps a disease."
cryin' out loud! Is he trying to kill me, here? I'm
only planning to change my entire life for him and he's speculating
about this crap? Who cares? Not I!
catches my eye. "But we’ll never really know for sure," he sums
up hastily. "In any case, facing certain destruction, they built
a time machine."
going to go back and change their history, to avoid their fate," I
the opposite. These last few loops have been torture, being with
Daniel the whole time, not able to say anything, looking and wanting
what I can't touch. Depressed at how much he can hide, how hard
it is to read him. If I hadn’t kissed him, if I didn't know how
we could be, I would not believe it, not from anything he says or
his fault. It's not even mine. Try both of us. Could
either of us ever imagine we stood a chance with the other? A lot
of men must find at some point in their life they really, really like
another guy. You bury it in sports, in beer and bonhomie.
Whatever it takes to keep sex, to keep awareness out of it. You
bury it or you bury that friend. Some guys can make the leap to
friends who sleep together, maybe even more. Maybe even
commitment. Lovers. I imagine most can't.
giving up, what you stand to lose, is not worth that risk.
I took my
shot with Daniel. I didn't have a clue. I lucked out, I had
the magic reset button. I know I have a chance with him.
We're attracted to one another, whether we want to be or not. I
don't have an answer for that, not even close, not thinking straight
enough, but I'm going to ask. I don't have a choice.
I guess at
this point, only Daniel does.
say casually as I stroll into Daniel's office and pull up a chair,
parking myself next to him at his lab bench.
Daniel replies distractedly, his gaze fixed on the scrawl covering the
blackboard immediately in front of him.
already do this?"
hundred pages of alien text," Daniel says dreamily, his fingers
gloating over the glossy 8x10's scattered all around him. "In a
day! I can't let this go, Jack. I need - I have to learn
what I know, if that makes sense?"
doesn't." He's far more interested in what I wrote on his
blackboards this morning than in anything I have to say. Colour
me irked. "I wanted to talk to you," I say loudly.
Hallelujah, Daniel looks around.
Okay." His eyes stray back to the blackboard.
to Denver for a few days. Want to tag along?"
I cross my
arms over my chest and wait for the shoe to drop.
taken the Budweiser tour."
tongue probes his cheek. It's his sceptical look, insanely
cute. "Budweiser tour?"
it as a beer pilgrimage."
pet the horses."
me to tag along?" Daniel's face brightens with curiosity. "I
would've thought, from what you were saying in the de-briefing, you'd
be sick of the sight of me after being cooped up in here translating
all these months. That I'd be the last person you'd want to tag
I'm not sick of you." Anything but. I still have no idea
why I couldn't wait just a few loops more, when we were so close to
completing the translation, why I had to climb out of my skin and find
him right then. I knew we were close and I still had to do
it. I don't know why. I just don't know. Why I hit
bottom and saw him. My one window of opportunity with Daniel and
I'm hating and loving I took it.
love to run from this but I can't. Can't run from myself, can I?
Daniel muses thoughtfully. "Do they have anything interesting
there?" He seems doubtful about this because if they did, he'd
know. Daniel knows museums like I know ordnance, but he's giving
me a shot. He's really a very nice guy.
blinks. I think he was waiting for me to make unconvincing noises
about the many alluring attractions of the Mint. He should give
me some credit for baiting a trap.
kid-sized railroad in the US of A."
trains. Who could resist?
I notice a
sly, sidelong glance. Daniel's lips are quivering. I guess
he's pegged the kid in the equation. This is pretty much all the
confirmation I need of abject surrender on his part. No way he'll
let me go off riding little steam trains all by myself.
I booked us into a hotel." I shrug. "It's not a long
drive. We leave at 14:00, should be plenty of time to pack."
Jack, if you need to talk," Daniel says gently, staring down at the pen
he's twisting between his long fingers. "We can talk here.
We don't have to-"
something you should know," I say loudly, too loud, I make him
jump. He told me I couldn't kiss him again. I knew what he
meant. It wasn't honest. "Before we - something I should
say." Stuffed under my armpits, my hands are still shaking.
"Something I did."
time loops?" Daniel straightens up, his confusion wiped by
enthusiasm. "I knew you had to-"
you!" I roar desperately, not even looking at him. I'm burning up
and icy, my heart climbing out my throat. "We kissed." It's
important he knows this. "I don't want this to be some kind of
ambush." Christ, I lie. That's exactly what this is.
"I'll be outside your building at 14:00. If you're not there,
I'll understand." I won't. He has to know I won’t. My
throat is so dry I'm croaking and I'm the man who can take
though. I already knew he mattered too much and I couldn't get
away from this. There were consequences, he was right about
that. He's right about most things, even me.
nothing to say, not even when I run.
As I lock
my apartment door, I look again at my watch. I'm late, I can't
believe this. Jack didn't give either of us enough time.
Not enough to do anything but race home from the mountain, toss a few
things into a bag, certainly not enough to take a minute, think this
through. Out of time, I'm tearing down the hallway to the
elevators, stabbing at the call button.
want to lose him because I'm late. Not something as small as that.
elevator chimes, the doors slide open and I dart into the car, turning
quickly to punch the lobby on the keypad.
I - I mean I don't want him to leave.
thinking I didn't care, didn't want to know. It's not that.
He said we but he can't be mad. He wouldn't have told me what
happened. He wouldn't be waiting for me now.
him be waiting. Please. God, I need to understand. I
need to know we're okay.
know what this means.
the doors begin to move, I sidle through, yanking at my bag. Jack
is still here, disconsolate, holding up the lobby wall. He spots
me immediately, straightening up warily. He looks tense,
pale. Uncertain, which Jack never is.
think you'd come," he says as he strides across to meet me.
I'd come," I counter sharply, sick with relief. "You planned
it." He told me just enough to scare the hell out of me, make me
come. I wish I were angry with him, but I'm not. Too
stunned and too rushed to think, mostly, I'm shocked. A little
He has the
grace to look sorry and amazes me by saying so, taking my arm as we
walk out to his truck. I'm used to it, moving around
automatically to toss my bag in the back, then climb into the passenger
seat. Jack makes no move to start the engine, turning
instead so he can watch me.
you?" I have to take a breath and start again as I fumble my
seatbelt into place. I'm asking, I have to ask, but he'll say
no. This trip - we're moving on, yes? We're fine, still
friends, still guys, not looking back. Not that I even have the
memory of kissing. I'm - I need to be sure. "Is this a
pass?" It's so stupid I don't know and I don't want him thinking
I'm angling for - that I want…
winces. "Yeah," he mumbles, painfully reluctant. "I'm
trying to get you into bed." He waits a beat, but I say
nothing. I can't. Not then. Jack starts the truck and
edges out into the traffic.
"You couldn't do that at home?" I ask blankly, finding my voice as we
move off down the street, utterly unable to take this in.
replies candidly. "I didn't think I could."
know what you're doing, Jack? Are you sure this isn't just a - a
stress reaction to all those months of time loops?" I demand, breaking
off in confusion when his eyes catch mine in the rear view
mirror. He wants. He wants me. "Oh, god!" I gulp.
at the stop sign, Jack pats my hand and apologises again.
"You - you
kissed me?" I stammer at him.
you until you kissed me back," he admits simply, not attempting to
prevaricate. "It was intense. I loved it."
growls, embarrassed. "You blew me away."
straightens up, his brows snapping together, just as the lights
change. He takes the turn onto East Bijou Street, foaming in
silence as he has to focus all his attention on picking his way through
the near-gridlock in the commercial district.
there, paralysed, as the city flows by. I'm
incredulous. It never occurred to me Jack would want to
kiss me, that it wasn't some mistake he made in frustration when I was
Jack turns to me fleetingly the instant the traffic gives him a break,
streaming northbound on the I-25. "Look, I know this is difficult
for you. When I kissed you - you didn't know you were attracted
to me. At least not consciously. I mean, the feelings were
there. You just weren't aware of them. I kissed you and
your knees buckled. I guessed you'd figured it out."
"I have no
idea what you're talking about." This is not even a specific
hypothetical. I have never imagined Jack O'Neill sweeping me into
his arms, pushing me up against a wall or just grabbing me by the
scruff of the neck for a passionate kiss. "None!"
we have the luxury hotel room. So I can remind you." This is
half-threat, half-promise. "At length."
that now!" Jack retorts.
life just got turned upside down." Mine too and I'm fighting so
hard not to let this mean too much. "Why aren't you unhappy?"
absolutely floors me with this, with his odd, defiant dignity.
more than kissing," I recognise, stunned again.
everything." He has a hint of a smile. "Somehow, you knew."
appear to know it now."
have sex and I never kissed you again," he promises rapidly. "I
wanted to, every loop, but you asked me." Jack trails off,
embarrassed. "I wouldn't do that to you."
"Do I need
to explain intense?" he asks impatiently. "Or demonstrate?"
I know I'm
not making myself clear but there's too much going on in my head.
We kissed, is what he told me. It's what brought me here.
He kissed me until I kissed him back. I - I've thought about him,
about us, this strange intensity, the chemistry, the awareness between
us. I would never do or say anything. I wasn't even
comfortable with my infrequent, inchoate imaginings and I know I have
no power to attract. Not Jack, not even because he's a man and I
have no experience of that.
Jack's voice is very gentle, his hand reaching across to rest over
I turn my
hand in his, squeeze his fingers. He smiles then moves away, his
attention returning to the busy highway.
me?" I ask diffidently. I've asked him before, I think.
you," he mumbles reassuringly. "I just had no idea how
much." He hesitates. "I want you more, now," he says
quietly. "All the time."
difficult to accept, Jack."
know. I do know," he sighs. "How hard do you think it was
driving to Denver."
that like no one in the entire history of road travel ever went to
Denver to have sex."
the first place you think of, no."
ground," Jack argues defensively. "I promised you no ambush."
"It was a
tactical necessity," he counters sullenly. "Short of chloroform,
I couldn't think of any other way to get you in the truck."
plenty of ways to get me in this truck."
which wouldn't make you so mad I'd never get you into bed!"
been less pissed off after a short drive across town," I point out
should've kept my yap shut and just jumped your bones in the hotel
room," Jack informs me bitterly.
that you didn't," I confess. "If I thought you had a clue what
you were doing, I really would be mad. I do appreciate you
building in plenty of panic time for us both."
not stupid," Jack drawls. "If you walk into that hotel room with
me, it'll be to spend the next three days in bed."
straighten up, staring at him.
changing everything. I know there's no going back. We need
to be sure."
he flares. "You told me. The moment I put my hand on your
ass you got in my face. You told me there was no going back, not
for me. I wouldn't forget."
thought I wanted this too," I say slowly, beginning to understand.
"It's why I
told you what happened between us. Why I asked you. I know
you can say no. I do know, Daniel."
This is so
very hard to say. I had no idea I would ever have to. "I do
think about you." I sound choked. I feel it.
think at all until you got me hard and then I couldn't think about
anything else," Jack admits ironically. "I guessed you liked me."
wince. "Was I so obvious?"
gentles. "It wasn't like that. All you had to do was push
and I would've backed off. I hope you -"
I - I know." I don't believe Jack would ever hurt me, not
knowingly. "I do."
fighting, but not me."
god." I have to look down. I feel so exposed to him.
It makes more sense to me now why Jack couldn't keep quiet. He
stripped away my privacy. He could do what he liked to me and get
away clean. This whole stupid Denver thing is the best way he
knows to make that part of it right.
chides me softly. "Don't look like that. Don't. One
kiss with you and I'm here, without a single guarantee, turning my
whole life upside down."
disconcerting we could've shared such an intimate experience and I
don't - it's not even that I have no memory, I'm struggling to even
in, told you I was nuts, put my hand on your ass and felt you up some."
"What did I
doesn't sound very -"
er - found myself kissing your throat. Then your lips. Then
I lost it. Then you lost it. Your knees went, my knees
went, we fell down."
around and stare at him.
"It was not
a chick kiss, I swear. No matter what it sounds like," Jack
mutters uneasily. "All guy," he promises. "Boners,
wondering if I could have sex with you," I point out.
you," I respond politely. "That doesn't help. I have to
will help." Jack doesn't sound too sure. "A few loops back
you were Daniel. Now you're Daniel." He glances
across at me to see how I'm taking this shattering revelation.
"Oh, for God's sake! You get me excited just looking at you!" he
right around and stare desperately out of the window.
chuckles darkly. "I'm dying to know if that's an all-over blush,"
he informs me cheerfully.
honestly see us being able to have sex together?" I ask him dubiously.
like you don't."
difficulty picturing." I wave an uncertain hand. "Us."
Jack says triumphantly if somewhat cryptically. "Me too!
Until we started kissing and you got me so revved up I could've done
you right there on the floor."
He's such a
romantic. "You're imagining we'll just climb into bed and, um,
suspiciously negative," Jack complains. "What are you imagining?"
climb into bed, choke and argue."
stop thinking about everything and just trust me? You'll want to
it sound like such a small thing."
Jack asks in concern.
attracted." I smile, a little.
think it can't go anyplace." Jack's smile is twisted too.
"I've been thinking too."
with that," Jack interrupts. "It's kind of an abstract
anyway. Ferretti's ass is never going to get my blood
pumping. I just want you."
know how to feel about all this," I admit, helplessly. "I'm
curious," Jack gloats. "I planned for that," he informs me
to you," I correct him with some dignity.
Jack's voice softens. "I know."
"I do trust
that too." He reaches across to me for a moment, squeezes my
shoulder. "I think we'll be good together but we don't have to -
you don't. If it's too much, if this is too soon, we can cut
loose, go ride the steam trains."
"If I'm not
gettin' any, the horses sure as hell aren't," he warns me, glowering as
threateningly as possible, which at the moment isn’t saying much.
"You can keep your hands to yourself."
another stunning realisation.
Happy to be
appalled when this chokes me up.
looking forward to getting totally out of my depth with you," Jack
murmurs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. I know the
tune. "God, do I need this. Need you."
I need Jack
too. There's a giddying freedom in being allowed to admit this,
even to myself. Jack is refusing to limit our lovemaking with
expectations and I find this freeing too. We can't bring
expertise, but there is real feeling neither one of us has been able to
express. I find I want to, very much. I want Jack to know
what I feel for him, what I can't put into words.
scared of the sex."
good!" Jack approves strongly.
thinking about the sweat, Daniel," Jack urges me plaintively.
"Don't go getting all mature on me."
I do not
want to get into a discussion about comparative maturity. Does
Jack think he's the only one who wants to ride the steam trains?
Jack retorts vigorously, taking my arm to tow me through the verdant
alpine shrubbery towards the hotel entrance while swarms of minions
take care of the mundanities of life behind us.
me in style." Nice and surprisingly low level from the outside,
the hotel inside is stunning. Five-star Tuscan style, in Denver
of all places. "Sweet." I smile at Jack.
To be fair,
now we're here, mere minutes away from a huge, luxurious bed, I'm at
least as embarrassed as he is. Possibly more.
sure our combined wardrobe is up to the acres of gleaming wood, crimson
and gold upholstery, marble floors and cascading flowers, but as Jack
intends to get me out of my clothes as soon as the door is locked
behind us, I guess there's no point panicking about being inadequately
being suave, sophisticated and super-nice to the beaming
receptionist. Who wouldn't react well to a tall, handsome man
being - um…
me. We're going to be naked!
are whisked away and we're escorted upstairs with minimum fuss and
maximum tip. Walking into the room last, I see why. They
really have gone for the European motif big time. We have exactly
one bed. Huge, lavishly draped, blatantly singular.
myself unable to pay much attention at all to anything else as the
bellboy gives us the fifty cent tour. The room is all creams and
greens, padded this, cushioned that, draped. Jack seems
disconcerted by how pretty and tasteful it is, all pale wood, armoire,
delicate Queen Anne chairs. If my sex life weren't flashing
before my eyes I'd have something to say about this.
has plenty to say about climate control, pay-per-view and the
mini-bar. He seems determined to earn his tip. No worries
there, I'd pay him anything to get him out of here. Jack is
plastered to my side, looking all smug and horny.
discreetly, the bellboy neatly extracts his generous tip from the
colonel and himself from the room while I try to work out if I can
tough it out until the bags get here, mostly on the grounds I won't
make it to the bathroom before Jack makes it to me.
Jack asks, infuriatingly perky. His eyes are glittering.
"I'm gonna git you!" he drawls, grinning, prowling after me as I
perambulate about the room, ignoring the bed.
I announce obnoxiously, waving an airy hand at our elegant surroundings.
Jack agrees, smacking his lips. He is not looking at the room.
just insulting!" I argue hotly, interrupted by a tap at the door.
I have a
head start, but Jack makes it to the door practically in a single
bound. Not that he's in heat or anything.
insinuates himself into the room, deposits the bags, and hovers,
mentally fluffing the pillows.
Jack looking me over smugly, also mentally fluffing, then he smiles
wolfishly and the nice man pretending not to see this backs out of our
room, pocketing a wad of cash.
you just take out a billboard?" I suggest sarcastically,
scowling. "'This archaeologist's ass is property of the
USAF'. It would be less obvious than your glassy-eyed mugging at
here!" Jack orders, closing in on me with this huge, offensive smile on
I am so
mortified I can't stand my ground.
appears to enjoy catching me round the waist and trapping me against
the wall. "Hi," he says, his face very close to mine.
"Can I kiss
Nerve-wracked. I'm living the cliché. Jesus,
Jack. Don’t smoulder at me. Just do it! "Hurry
up!" Instead of kissing me, Jack snorts and cracks up, burying
his face against my neck, his shoulders heaving. Since he's here
and we're probably, possibly about to go to bed together, I put my arms
with the testosterone-fuelled trapping thing and hugs me back.
Then he lifts his head, reaching around behind me, his hand cradling my
move into him, my hand copying his. His skin is warm, a little
rough, soft silver strands of his hair tickling my fingers.
never touched like this," I blurt out. "It's difficult." My
touch can’t be anything more than careful. I can't help that,
this is my friend.
Jack's waist while his other arm comes right around me.
close now. Very close. I think we move at the same time, it
feels as if we do. Face turning, Jack knows what to do. Our
mouths touch softly. I make a sound. Astonishment, rocking
me back on my heels. Jack steadies me and we kiss again.
Fascinated, I learn the shape of Jack's lips, their fit against
mine. Move with him, deepening the pressure, teasing out his
lower lip to taste him. Jack sighs and smiles, pulls me into him,
closer again, his tongue tracing my mouth.
back to check on me, flushing as I dreamily lick my lips. He
takes my mouth, an intentness there, a hunger in the pressure. I
open to him and he slides into me with a guttural groan of
satisfaction, stroking sensuously deep. Trembling with shock and
pleasure, I push up into his tongue, rubbing the silky surface.
signifies his complete approval of this innovation by starting to back
up, tugging me with him towards the bed.
difficult to get out of a leather jacket with your eyes closed and your
tongue in your friend's mouth, but we manage, scuffing them clear as we
stumble on. Jack hits something, I hit Jack, he spins me
around and shoves me across the bed, slamming down on top of me,
emphatic as a cover-stone. I let out one of those cartoon 'oof'
noises and he chuckles, pinning me some more.
he demands, taking hold of my face. "It feels good."
does. It does.
I pull off
my glasses, reach out behind me, stretching out across the mattress to
find the night table. Jack stretches out with me, guiding my
hand, I hit wood and let go. He takes hold of my wrist, then the
other, pinning my hands either side of my head, entwines his fingers
with mine, then takes my mouth again, pushing deeply into me, stroking
slowly, shattering me with his tenderness.
Hip to hip,
I feel this turn him on, heat and the slow swell of his erection
rubbing catlike against me.
with it good-naturedly when I break his loose grip, push him over onto
his side, rolling with him. He toes off his shoes and socks, mine
follow, then he hooks his leg over my thighs.
making sure." He's fondling my jeans, rolling the pale grey denim
between his fingertips. "You look good in these."
know what to say to that and don't get the chance because he undoes my
belt. My breath catches when he looks at me questioningly.
"It's fine," I mumble, gulping as he unfastens the button and slides
down the zipper. I don't believe this is happening so I have to
see it. I prop myself up on my elbows and watch as he nudges
aside the denim to look thoughtfully at the tight, white, knit-jersey
of my briefs. Then he slides up my grey sweater to bare skin.
wanted to see your scar," Jack murmurs, tracing it with a delicate
later you can kiss it better."
quirk into a grin, then he strokes his fingers down, over skin, onto
jersey, down between my legs. My thighs tremble so badly he sees
it, lifting his head to let me kiss him, taking my tongue eagerly into
his mouth as his fingers stroke and squeeze my stiffening penis through
the thin fabric. I fall back onto the bed, pulling him down with
me, thrusting into him harder, deeper, enjoying his passionate
response. Desire strikes low in my belly, intense as pain, when
Jack slips his fingers beneath the briefs, touches me. I shake
from head to foot, moaning into his mouth, then try to pull away.
Jack bites down tenderly on my tongue, holding me inside him, a
challenge in his eyes.
He wants to
do this for me. He wants to be the one.
I tug at my
sweater and he lets me go long enough for me to wrestle it over my
head, toss it away, then reach for his loose green shirt.
Clumsily, I unbutton him, slip it back from his shoulders. Jack
takes it the rest of the way, balls it up and throws it to the floor,
then unzips his chinos as I begin to push my jeans down over my
hips. His erection juts free and I freeze, suddenly taking in the
sight of him, long and lean, hard muscles rolling beneath his golden
skin as he moves, narrow hips and tight ass, all power and grace.
His body makes sense to me. I didn't expect it to. Not yet.
rolls onto his side, facing me, my hand goes to his hip, not
mine. I trace the clean line of him from thigh to waist, heavy
ribs, follow a ridge of muscle across his abdomen, stroke the deep line
which splits his torso up to the hollow of his throat. Kiss him
away from me to tug off my jeans, my underwear, his hands shaking as
much as mine. He stands there, his hands balled on his hips,
looking down at me. He swallows hard and shakes his head, as if
he can't believe what he sees, then he steps away, tugging at the
pillows, making a pile against the headboard.
across, lean against them, not quite sitting. Jack kneels on the
bed, smiling at me. Neither of us knows what to say and it's
easier not to talk. His face flames crimson when I open my legs,
lifting my knees to plant my feet on the mattress. He pounces
then, his weight driving me deep into the pillows. I slide my
hand around his head, pull him into a woozy kiss, biting at his
are on my thighs, braced either side of him, stroking over and under,
reaching every part of me. Jack is the one to gasp and quiver when I
draw my fingers down his spine then cup his buttocks. Every inch
of him is tight and toned, he's a strong man and a hard one. Yet
my hands on him are almost more than he can stand. He shivers
where I touch him.
rolls onto his side, bringing me with him, and the mound of pillows
make sense. Face to face, half-sitting, he puts an arm around
me. "I'm sorry," he apologises roughly. "This is all I
know." He reaches between us, taking the weight of my straining
penis into his hand. I gasp out something strangled and his arm
tightens round my shoulders. "Daniel," he whispers
caressingly, rubbing his cheek over mine, then he kisses me, his mouth
shaking as I take hold of him.
blindingly obvious neither one of us has ever masturbated another man
before. It doesn't matter it's technically kind of inept, that we
both feel - wrong - to each other. It all feels sooo good, it's
incredible just to have Jack's hand on me, wringing my erection,
everything he does too hard, too much, pounding pleasure out of me,
turning my bones to water.
never been more, I can't explain this, more real. He's
easier to touch than he'll ever let anyone but me know. He likes,
he wants, everything. He craves it all, he gives it all, fucking
my hand with abandon. I grip his hot, steely erection, drawing my
fingers strongly over and over slippery skin as he thrusts, not really
holding him as tightly as he seems to need.
killing me with tenderness.
violently; electric sensation spirals, molten pleasure clenching, my
whole body spasms into intense orgasm, pumping heat into Jack's
wracking hand. Blindly, I cling to him, kissed, petted, soothed,
while my heart thuds and I pant in deep, wheezing breaths.
into my hair. "Don't you dare fall asleep on me, you selfish
little shit!" he hisses indignantly, nudging an outraged erection into
into him, I snore gently on his shoulder, ignore his sputtering, let my
arm naturally fall, reach out and squeeze.
Jack howls ecstatically, shooting ribbons of semen all over me.
"Oh, god," he groans, kissing me madly as he shakes like a
dervish. "You kill me!"
I push him
off, finding him easy to handle while he's weak and orgasmic, then
stagger off into the bathroom to splash my hot face and drink some
water. I look down at myself, at Jack's semen and mine, spattered
over me more or less from thigh to chest, my limp, pathetic, wrung-out
penis. I ache and throb from head to foot. It seems
impossible Jack O'Neill did this to me.
I moisten a
wash-cloth with warm water, wipe myself down, rinse it, moisten it
comfortable now in my nakedness but I walk across to him anyhow.
I clamber on the bed, sit by Jack, sliding the washcloth over his
belly, hips and thighs.
my back, sweet and low. "Totally freaked out about where we just
had our hands?" he asks with so much understanding I look around at
him. He sits up, kisses me, then takes the washcloth from me,
tossing it to land with deadly accuracy on top of our bouquet of
complimentary fresh flowers, then hooks me around the waist and pulls
whiny and uncertain, watching Jack warily while he snags the sheet out
from under me then pulls it up behind him as he stretches out on top of
me. "You have the whole bed to choose from," I grumble, cuddling
him close, really liking the breadth of his shoulders beneath my hands.
bony and uncomfortable, so naturally, I choose you."
where we had our hands. I liked it very much."
Jack agrees. "What we lacked in technique, finesse and,
regrettably, stamina, we more than made up for in first time
"Do we, er,
want to try again?"
gone all shy on me," Jack informs me, an oddly intent glint in his eye.
that as a yes," I mumble, blushing.
Friends who sleep together?" I ask lightly, smoothing down some wayward
Jack is melting-eyed and smiling. "More, I hope."
too, then kiss him, take him into my mouth, our tongues touching,
sliding slow and sweet. We kiss for a long time, relaxing into
one another, into our intimacy, touching without the immediate pressure
of sex, a little turned on, yes, but mostly it's closeness.
right," I admit at last, sighing as Jack's grazes kisses over my throat.
"Want me to
narrow it down?"
about you trusting me?"
nod. "About us being good together." I can't begin to tell
him how good. I feel I'm soaking him in through my skin, all his
joy is lifting me. I didn't realise I was so starved for his
touch, that I craved so much of him. I can barely take in he
means this sincerely. I - I want him so much and in sex, I have
all of Jack, he gives everything to me. I want to trust this, I
want to hope. I can.
sighs. "I hit bottom. I don't know why it happened then,
why I couldn't wait. I found you. It was crappy, what I
did. Kissing you like that." Pulling a regretful face, he shakes
his head. "I knew what would happen here, Daniel. I knew
before you did you wanted me too. I'm sorry how I found out, but
not that this happened." He slithers off me and stretches out on
his back. "After the sex we just had, it's nice you can still say
'good'," he says dryly. Long, capable fingers pluck at the
sheet. "If, for some insane reason, the USAF trusted a colonel
instead of an archaeologist with an internet enabled computer, the sex
might have been better."
It's been a really long time," I respond evenly.
"Anything which isn't my own right hand is good."
off?" Jack seems inexpressibly shocked. Then he shoots me a
comically calculating look. "Would you jerk off for me?" he
wantonness would be much more impressive if I hadn't seen the way you
limped off into the bathroom," he grins. "You're not letting me
wrong about that," I retort. "I want dinner and then some more
up and snatches me into an exuberant hug which makes my ribs creak,
hooting something about bad sex with him being better than no sex at
opening up to each other, little by little, and I can't remember the
last time I was this happy or felt this wanted, or could give this much
to someone I love.
reason only he can fathom, Daniel flatly refused to allow me to flaunt
him at our fellow guests downstairs in the restaurant. He plumped
for room service, steaks, red wine and two desserts. I think he
expected a fight when he pulled on his jeans but I'd already figured
out that gave me the pleasure of getting him out of them again. I
played along. I put my jeans on too. Mutual unzipping will
no doubt form some part of the evening's festivities.
didn't want me to put my shirt back on. He made this clear by
scooping it up from the floor and hanging in it in the armoire. I
think, not putting any money on this or anything, but I think he likes
looking at me. I know I like looking at him. Mostly what
I'm seeing right now is his perfect ass and some very cute toes.
The rest of him is draped over the end of the bed, hoovering up New
York triple chocolate cheesecake. I've got to say, the way he's
idly swinging those feet in the air is doing amazing things to his
buttocks. Talk about your pay-per-view, I could sit here all
night watching the muscles flex on his denim-clad rump.
"I think we
totally pulled it off," I comment casually. "Despite all the
head emerges and he scoots backwards, gets up to his knees, then flops
onto his ass with a thump which makes the bed rock, sitting so he's
off?" he asks.
like two ordinary guys who had not just had sex."
all the skin." His tongue probing his cheek, Daniel mulls this
over. "Jack, I don't know how to break this to you."
Would I be so uncouth?
like you want to jump me the whole time."
be because I do."
charms me with a mischievous grin. I feel humiliatingly
misty-eyed when he hitches closer and hugs an arm around my knees.
you doing?" he asks softly. The grin widens. "You have to
answer these kinds of questions now," he informs me ingenuously.
"We had sex."
deliciously bright-eyed and, I think, maybe, happy. The old
ticker gives a painful thump in pointed reminder I'm a goner.
When I don't answer fast enough for his liking, my sensitive,
compassionate, er, what-do-I-call-him reaches across and smacks me one
in the arm.
He was. I flipped out one loop and Teal'c came looking. It
wasn't that Carter didn't care. She did. I think it was
more about the science, the problem, than me. Ten hours wasn't
enough for her to move past that, to put herself in my place, to
empathise. Daniel was the one to ask, loop after loop after loop
after loop, how I was holding up. He was the one who wanted to
understand, to help me.
smacks me again. "Talk!" he orders.
I rub my arm resentfully. "I was just thinking how sweet and
sensitive you are!"
Daniel doesn't take this personally. He's staring at me, a very
odd look on his face. "Denial," he says slowly, perking up
horribly, "is not just a river in Egypt, Jack!"
you babbling about?"
been attracted to me for months!" he announces cheerily.
love to tell him I don't know where he's going with this but
he sings out triumphantly. "Can we talk about sublimation?"
There is a
certain hooting derision I don't care for in his tone. "Do we
have to?" I whine, keeping up my end of things. I like to see
Daniel enjoying himself.
"Can I see
your scar!" he sneers, shaking his head pityingly.
I interrupt, making a slightly unwelcome realisation in the romantic
lamp lit ambience we have going here. "You're just as sexy with
the glasses on as off." This could be a problem.
Daniel queries, the tongue making a reappearance in his cheek.
I put up a
disclaiming hand. "I know! Believe me, I know how that
sounds. I don't appear to have the right vocabulary for
this. I mean, it's you."
"I look at
you now and see - Daniel."
snap, alarmed as he looks up, grinning.
"That was a
really stupid thing to say to a linguist, Jack," he reproves me,
shaking his head sadly.
"Look me in
the eye and tell me I'm your boyfriend," I challenge him.
Daniel corrects, seeming to like the sound of it. He curls his
legs up under him and leans into me, putting his hand on my
thigh. "Jack," he tells me, his eyes soft, eloquent with
I may have
to tell him he's sweet again. He just smiles when I reach around
to rest my hand at his nape. "I hate to lose control," I sigh,
rubbing his silky hair between my fingertips.
loops," Daniel nods with ready understanding, changing mental gears
without difficulty. "I think, in learning those languages, in
mastering the science to help Sam and me, you and Teal'c took a measure
of control back."
me to say something in Latin. Please."
frowns. "I won't. Not if it bothers you this much."
okay," Daniel soothes, rubbing my thigh.
what it is you do now and I swear, I understand it less." He
looks a little hurt and I massage his nape. "I've got more
respect," I offer. "I actually know how good you are." He
wrinkles up his nose, curious. "Hey, Teal'c and I had months of
tuition from the best and every loop, you kicked our asses. I
mean, you did it. That translation was yours. All we did
was remember what you told us and parrot it back to you when you needed
it." Maybe a little more but I'm trying to be modest here.
I heard, you did a lot more than mmpphh."
I put my
hand over Daniel's mouth, wincing. He grasps I don't want to talk
about this too much.
"When I say
I understand it less, I don’t mean - I don't know how to put this - I
don't mean you. I get how passionate you feel about language and
I can extrapolate to an enthusiasm which makes sense," I offer
choosing to cut you slack on that pronouncement," Daniel says evenly
when I let him go again.
was more fun than the whole coronal mass emission thing."
my face, Daniel makes with the tearful sympathy and goes back to
rubbing my thigh.
describe the experience. I swear, I can't." He's rubbing,
I'm rambling. "All that time wasted. Every loop, frickin'
Froot Loops, your stupid question, Carter babbling on in the briefing."
question?" Daniel's eyebrows are soaring.
me the same question every ten hours for more than three months.
You're lucky to be alive." I sit up straighter, Daniel kisses me
on the cheek and gives me a bit of a hug. I hug him back.
"Don't even get me started on Fraiser and her little flashlight."
like hell," Daniel commiserates and from him, I know it isn't some
platitude. "If this loop was anything to go by, having to fight
the same battle for belief every - "
need to hear it," he recognises after a moment, grimacing.
"You've thought about all of that too."
Would'a. Should'a," I enunciate leadenly.
found me and you kissed me."
him and found me. Isn't that precious?
one random note." Daniel's eyes are dreamy, he's focusing inward,
teasing out possible ramifications, consequences.
looking right at you when the loop ended. I was looking at you when we
looped again. You were asking me the stupid question, I had Froot
Loops on my spoon and all I could taste was you."
Daniel sighs, hugging the crap out of me.
upside, wanting to nail your ass was excellent motivation to keep going
in those moments I needed to nuke the entire base just to see what
would happen. And I did learn to make pots."
that's good. Always a useful skill," Daniel says rapidly.
"If you want to talk about something new?"
you explain to me why you wouldn't let me talk to Malikai?"
I shrug and
Daniel erroneously interprets this to mean I'm done with the hugging.
"I was the
obvious choice," he goes on, quietly insistent. "Archaeologist,
lost my wife, desperate search, you can see the parallels. I'm
sure Malikai would have seen them too."
him," I argue stiffly.
"I was not
growl, "I was protecting you. And Teal'c. I'm sure Malikai
would've been moved to tears, hearing about the death of your
wife. I'm also sure you did not need to hear in detail how if
Teal'c had to do it all over again, he'd do the exact same thing, every
single time. You both suck at the convenient little white lie
thing. Ultimately, I wasn't sure who that would benefit."
Certainly not Daniel.
him to be mad, but I'm wrong.
you care," he says, tentatively. "Even when I don't need
it. I'm used to making own my way, Jack, doing what I think is
right, picking the battles I need to fight. You know
me. I shouldn't need to tell you any of this."
We usually get it together in the end," I retort defiantly. I'm
not about to give up any of my long-established rights to fret over him
just because he's sleeping with me.
can't become a problem for us."
always been a problem for us," I counter crisply, "right from our first
did play by your own rules, Jack," Daniel acknowledges reluctantly.
care enough, I do."
smiles, beautifully, a smile I've never seen from him before, lighting
his eyes and face, all of him. "Does this mean I get sex
me back and I can only be grateful the headboard is padded.
Survival instincts kicking in, I get horizontal under my own steam and
pull Daniel on top of me, my hands clamped to his ass. "Oh, my
god," I breathe reverently, kneading gently. "You have no idea."
Daniel drawls thoughtfully. "I've heard, occasionally, hyperbole
about my eyes and, um, stuff." He seems oddly reluctant to
going to say," I respond seriously. Not yet, anyhow. I'll
wait until he's all trembly and asking for it.
some wriggling, which feels exceptionally good, gets comfy, and starts
exploring. "I really like touching you," he confides
engagingly. "Particularly knowing no one else can." He
indulges in some kissing at this point, apparently finding my jaw
particularly attractive. "You've always been very tactile with
hadn't fully appreciated people are actually scared of you."
extensive Special Ops training, the ever-mounting body count and my
appalling reputation didn't give me away?" I ask, interested.
you keep an open mind."
are baggy. I wonder if they're baggy enough to…aaahhh! He
has a small, pert ass, tighter, flatter than a woman's, toned muscle
flexing under satin skin and my shaking hands. Daniel is looking,
if anything, more incredulous than he did the first time we had
sex. "You won't tell anyone I'm easy?" I ask pathetically,
catching his eye long enough to sucker him into a kiss.
passionate. I always knew he was, I just never thought about what
it could mean in bed. Kissing me seems to excite him a whole lot,
or maybe the way I'm massaging his ass. He's trembling, rubbing
an increasingly imposing bulge up against me, finding the zippered
friction very good.
skin would be better.
I tug at
his belt and he gets the message at once, rolling off of me and onto
his back, unbuttoning and unzipping in record time. I beat him to
the punch, pulling the jeans down over his hips, staring at his creamy
skin. Daniel is no waif but you don't realise this fully until
you can see him naked and impressively erect. He's, er, perfectly
proportioned. In every way. I keep staring until he cracks
and scrambles under the covers. He's really not comfortable with
his nudity, although I note with amusement he has far fewer problems
with mine. He doesn't take his glasses off until I slide back
into bed and we wind up sitting politely side by side, two blatant
tents poking up the covers.
say cheerfully. "Here we are."
I have a lap full of aggravated archaeologist. Daniel grabs my
ears, tilts up my face and kisses me hard. The feel of his bare
ass on my thighs is - just - wow. There's a lot of heat throbbing
between us, literally, and it occurs to me to do a kind of a check-it
out thing. I take hold of my cock and then, with extreme care,
Daniel's. He breaks off the kiss and looks down, his hands on my
work out how these, er, fit." I frown. I was always good at
spatial awareness. "Could you lift up?" Intrigued, he does
just that, without even arguing about it. "Just resolving a
little directional issue," I inform him brightly, taking us both
carefully into my hands. I may be overdoing it with the
cotton-wool crap, but no one is more aware than I am I made him limp
last time. In every sense of the word. I gently transfer my
grip from two hands to one and close my fingers.
stiffens up and makes this weird little whimpering sound.
gasp. "Two is - two." I squeeze my fingers, Daniel's cock
thumps in my hand, his body jerks violently and he almost falls off
me. I grab him. "Better than one." Then I kiss
him. It's for the best. We're both making strange noises
and god help us, I don't think we're going to last as long as we did
the first time. All the heat, and the pounding, the pulse of
blood, I can feel everything and half of it isn't even me!
beginning to get why the Spartans kicked ass!" Daniel wheezes, throwing
his arms around my neck, his tongue plunging deep into my mouth.
I roll and
squeeze our cocks together, pleasure pulsing low in my belly, jolting
my balls, the base of my spine. It feels so good I'm practically
bouncing off the bed, even with Daniel's weight numbing my
thighs. I grip and pull, my ass clenching on a spasm of ecstasy,
grip tighter, pull harder, clench again.
for Daniel too. He's wrapped around me so tight, I think he's
going for auto-erotic strangulation.
jerked off with so little finesse for thirty years. Jerking
works. Jerking is magnificent. I'm throbbing from the soles
of my feet to the tip of my cock, great spasms of pleasure convulsing
me, tighter and tighter, spots behind my eyes, head spinning, I seize
and come hard, dimly aware of Daniel as he shudders uncontrollably, his
cock jerking and twitching in my hand, slick heat pumping onto my groin.
slumps pitifully, burying his sweaty face in my sweatier shoulder,
talking yet and I'm wondering guiltily what I've done to him this time
when he sits back and kisses me gratefully. "That was even
better than the first time! Thank you."
I've ever been with would have handed me my pants after the first
attempt. "You really do like me, don't you?"
friends for five years. You're just working this out now?"
Daniel tumbles bouncily over onto his back, smiling delightedly up at
me and still a bit wheezy. "This is great!"
god. I get it. I get him. This whole friendship thing
- he takes me to heart. Daniel has never been sure of me.
Not the way he should be. An afternoon of talk and bad sex and he
thinks he has more of me than he had before? The river in
Egypt? That's enough for me pushing him away, treating him like
shit, to make sense to him? Forget and forgive?
I don't see
anything at all, do I? I didn't see him, I didn't see me.
working this out now.
I turn and
lift him up, he grabs at me for balance, startled, his pleasure
who have sex? That's what you think this is?" Is he
nuts? I thought he was the one setting the limits!
hoped," he reminds me quickly, twining his arms around my neck,
apparently willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.
before I knew bad sex with me made you happy!" I beam at
him. "Daniel, I love you. Maybe I should've said."
He makes a
strangled noise and I instantly decide this would be a really
good time to kiss him.
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