walk into Daniel’s quarters just as he’s walking out of them, planting
myself solidly between him and the door.
Daniel queries, a little surprised.
even more surprised when I take his shoulders and begin to ease him
back from the door, which I kick shut. I reluctantly relinquish
my grip on him for a second to fumble behind me at the lock.
Understandable hesitance this time, as Daniel steps back abruptly,
clutching his books protectively to his chest, staring at me, unsure of
what to do or say. I follow him and take advantage of his hands
already being occupied to slip off his glasses and place them out of
harm’s way. Then I gently tug the books from his arms, dropping
them to the floor with a thud that makes him wince.
perhaps it’s my sudden proximity that makes him wince.
you have no idea, do you?” I whisper as I gently pull him to me,
morbidly aware of his confusion. “No idea how gorgeous you are.”
Dangerously so. Daniel’s lips part sweetly as I wrap myself
around him. The stunning eyes gazing into mine are growing ever
wider as my hands cup his butt and draw him close enough to feel the
heat and solidity of my arousal for the first time. A tremor of
shock runs right through him when I rock my hips against his.
Daniel tries to writhe away from the intimacy and freezes as he feels
me react to the incredible friction, harden even more against him as my
hands hold him clasped to me.
my gaze with his, I stroke the satin-soft skin of his face with
– what do you want, Jack?” Daniel whispers, eyes nervously tracking my
I say simply. “I want you. I NEED you, have needed you for
the longest time. I want to make love with you, Daniel, and not
having you is driving me insane,” I explain softly. “Every time I
see you I want more of you. It’s never enough. It won’t be
enough until I’m buried inside you.” And I can keep you forever.
is trembling. “I didn’t know. I didn’t –“
didn’t lead me on, Daniel. This is about me,” I soothe his
agitation. “I’ve had such dreams, Danny. You’ve no idea,” I
see the soft flush that colours his cheeks, and laugh a little.
“I know you’re a virgin, I know I’ll be your first.” Your last
and your only.
want to have sex with me,” Daniel swallows his soft words convulsively.
want to make love with you,” I correct sternly as I lower my head and
take his parted lips, my tongue slipping deep into the soft warmth of
his mouth. I’m overwhelmed with sensations. Daniel’s tongue
flutters uncertainly against my probing one as I stroke slowly against
him, his eyes closing as I deepen the sensuous kiss. I’ve waited
so long, denied this need for so long it’s killing me to rein in my
passion for him now. Somehow I find the strength to do it as a
tentative swipe of Daniel’s tongue against mine is mirrored by the
delicate grasping of elegant, deceptively fragile fingers at my
Christ. At last. At last he’s opening to me, lifting his
face, changing the angle of the steadily deepening kiss as I turn him
into the crook of my arm. I recognise how close I’ve brought him
to me - possessively close - the weight and force of my passion
steadily pushing him back over the rigid arm braced against his
back. His nervous tremors are shocking through us both.
going to love him as he deserves to be loved.
with lips, exploring tongues and clutching fingers, Daniel leads me
step by giddy step towards his bed. There’s no finesse as I tear
away his clothes. I need my hands on him, no barriers between us
or walls to hide behind. I tolerate the break in our kiss only
for this. My clothes follow, shucked with a haste in stark
contrast with the unhurried way I draw him back to me, where he
belongs, and steal his breath from him again.
hands are urgent on Daniel’s heated, silken skin; skimming over his
butt and thighs, stroking the length of his spine, up abruptly to
tangle in his hair, then massaging the nape of his neck. Never
still, never at rest. I can wait for him to touch me. I’ve
waited this long and it’s brought him this close to me.
moans helplessly as I rock compulsively against him to a deep steady
beat that heats our skin, slicking us with sweat as our erections kiss
and glide. Daniel’s arms lock around my neck as I groan my
pleasure into his mouth, his eyes slumberous with desire, though he’s
sorely troubled by the passion tearing through us both like wildfire.
ease back from Daniel, snatching breathtaking kisses until I can bear
to part with him. I cup his earnest, frightened face gently
between rough, callused hands. Hands that kill and hurt.
Hands that tremble now for him, as I surrender unconditionally.
did you do it?” I ask softly. “It took one kiss, Daniel.
didn’t mean - ” Daniel stammers. His painful anxiety suddenly has
him taut, resistant, unyielding against me.
never wanted a man before. Never imagined I ever would, or even
could. Yet with one kiss you OWNED me,” I muse.
eyes sheen with unshed tears. “And with one word I stopped you,
ache of longing and regret in Daniel’s voice cuts me to the bone.
not your fault,” I hurt for him, hurt for having put him through this
anguish. “I don’t know why I came to you that night, Danny.
I’ve thought about it so many times, and I still don’t know why.
I just don’t know why.”
hands curl up and around my forearms. Stroking. Reassuring.
wanted to fuck me, Jack.”
flinch away from the stony resolve of his words and my own condemnation.
misunderstood,” Daniel says steadily. “I thought you came to make
love with me.”
just went into his room that night to check on him. We hadn’t
snatched a moment alone, and I wanted to thank him for being there for
Teal’c and me, for having the guts to give us the quick death we
deserved. Make sure he was okay with what had happened, that he
understood I was proud of him, that he did the right thing. That was
all it was.
was curled up on his bed, asleep. Restless. Troubled.
I was standing by his bedside, stroking the sleep-rumpled hair back
from his furrowed brow. All he did was stir sleepily under my
hand and smile up at me as he murmured my name, so very tenderly, and
the next moment I was sitting by him, snatching him up into a searing,
passionate, endless kiss. At some point in all the madness I
tumbled him down beneath me, heedless of his healing wound or where we
were or who we were. All I knew was I wanted him, GOD how I
wanted him, and he wanted me. I asked him for what I wanted, felt
a fierce exultation surging through me when he said yes. And then
he spoke the word that ended it before it began.
me make love is what I asked. Not what I meant.
Jack, is what he said, voice shaking. Please.
said that too. Didn’t even have the dignity of getting all the
words out. I couldn’t hear it. Wouldn’t. I wrenched
away from his arms and his lips and his eyes. God, those eyes;
his hurt and humiliation piercing through me in the moment before I
turned my back on him and stormed out.
love you, Jack.
wouldn’t let him say it to my face, but that’s what HE meant. I
never looked back when the soft, anguished words crashed into me.
your fault. Mine. S-sorry.
had already accepted the futility of his feelings and absolved me of
all blame for not returning them before I was even out of earshot.
fault I could have sex with him, but I couldn’t love him?
Daniel’s fault I cut him dead until he was cleared for active duty and
then shit all over him our first time out, in that totally fucked
mission to Euronda? He learned the rest of his lesson on that
one. Learned it well. I wasn’t going to love him back and I
couldn’t go on the way we had. Still, he forgave me my
self-serving, conscience-easing one size fits all apology.
I actually said sorry and I held his hand while I made it perfectly
clear he didn’t get to have me. I fucked Danny over because I
couldn’t just ‘fuck’ him, couldn’t have good, friendly, commitment free
sex. Rounded out the mission by accidentally killing some people
who probably didn’t deserve it and deliberately killing one man who
more than had it coming.
killed our friendship too while I was in the neighbourhood.
is good at subtext. He’s good at maturity and warmth, kindness
and empathy. I’m very good at going crazy with unsatisfied desire
for him, at failing to withstand a constant need eating me alive.
I was absolutely superb at blaming him for it, venting my frustration
all over him at every opportunity, treating him like shit and my
crowning iniquity, trying to make him jealous over Carter, which I
recognise now pretty much had to be my equivalent of pissing on him to
mark my territory. See, Danny? Look what I got. Got
you too if I want you.
yet, still I failed to bring him to heel. He kept the distance I
required and drove me insane into the bargain. I was supposed to
get over it. Things were supposed to get back to normal. He
just had to forget he was in love with me and I just had to forget I
wanted to be inside him twelve times a day. I wasn’t supposed to
fantasise obsessively about white hot sex with Daniel to the point it
was just about all I ‘remembered’ when we were memory imprinted in that
hellhole power station on P3R-118. I was totally frigging
embarrassed over what I was dreaming about this man, and took to
following Carter around like a lost puppy ‘cause it was safer than
being anywhere near HIM. To this day both she and Daniel think
all my weird comments about dreams and feelings were about her.
I’m the only one who knows they were about him.
I’ve known for a while why I was so freaked out Daniel told me he loved
me. I loved him too. The simplest lesson I’ve ever learned
about myself, the hardest to admit to. I’ve been waiting for the
perfect mission, the perfect time, for there to have been no anger or
distance between us, to tell him and show him how I feel.
Realised there wouldn’t be such a time unless I made one, and I wanted
to come to him, here, in his quarters, because this is where I left him.
please,” Daniel pleads, caressing his temple against mine.
can see how badly Daniel wants to make love with me, I can feel the
hard, heated length of him pushing insistently into me. He’s so
close to throwing away his principles and just letting me take
him. He loves me anyway, so what does it matter? It’s only
him. Four years he’s been celibate, because it isn’t in him to be
anything other than faithful to the one he loves. He was faithful
to his wife, and he’s been faithful to me.
don’t do casual, Danny,” I tell him fondly. “Have you ever shared
your bed with anybody you weren’t in love with?” he knows I mean
situations – people – where he has a choice.
I- “ Daniel bites off the urgent words.
it,” I urge.
in love with you, Jack,” he admits wearily. “I don’t want to be
alone anymore. If there’s a choice. If you want me.”
have I ever been casual about you, Danny? When?” I ask.
“Let me make love, Daniel,” I whisper.
sigh wells out of the depths of him. “Yes, Jack,” his leaden
voice is shaking pitiably.
know I do,” he murmurs.
we’ve come full circle. Right back to the point where I cut out
and left him high and dry. Alone.
mean I - LOVE - YOU,” I enunciate crisply. Daniel’s head snaps
up, starkly white with the force of his disbelief. “It took me
forever to get here, but here I’ll stay. If you’ll have
me.” I decide it’s my right and privilege to assist in the
decision-making, and urge my – “My lover,” I try it out.
“Ni-ice,” I breathe. I urge my stunned, blushing and slightly
tearful lover down to the bed, a deep groan wrenching from him as my
weight settles over him.
God. Oh, Jack. Love you. Love me?“
opt to show, not tell.
God. Oh, Jack. Love you. Love me?“ I can hardly
believe it. Jack LOVES me. Jack loves ME. He’s here,
with ME, loving me. Li-literally.
my, oh – OH – o-oh,” I whimper incoherently as Jack’s weight pins me
flat to the bed beneath him. Jack’s naked, gloriously aroused
weight. His hips begin thrusting powerfully against mine in
perfect time with his tongue, thrusting so passionately, so deeply into
my willing mouth. No rushing him, no holding him; no
controlling him at all. Jack is kissing so Jack will kiss until
he’s kissed his fill.
much I want to say, words boiling in my chest but Jack doesn’t like to
talk. I want – oh. “Jack? S-something wrong?” Did I
do something wrong? Already?
I really DO love you, and yes, I really do want you. Likely to
DIE if I don’t have you, SOON,” Jack singsongs like a child learning by
apart from the fact I’ve fallen in love with you – or maybe because of
it - ever since the last time I came in here and got horizontal with
you on this bed, I’ve had a raging hard-on every time you’ve been
within ten feet of me,” Jack snarls.
have?” I ask breathlessly, blushing furiously. I had NO
absolutely gorgeous, that’s why. You NEVER look in a mirror?”
Jack asks incredulously. His eyes are glittering. “I love
you shy,” he growls against my lips, rocking his hips against mine,
maddening, teasing; withdrawing as I arch into him. “God,” he
groans, “Can’t tell you how often I’ve dreamed of being buried inside
– um - inexperienced,” I confess. “Not completely!” I add
hastily. If that’s what Jack wants, then I want it too.
I’ve dreamed of our lovemaking too, though I’m beginning to suspect my
dreams are likely to be a little too Disney for my - “My Jack?”
face lights into a smile that dazzles. “Oh, quite definitely
yours, kid. And you’d better talk. FAST. Define ‘not
growl is back in Jack’s voice, a wild, possessive note that makes me
shiver. I don’t want Jack masterful, I want him reasonable and
better not be recent experience or I’m gonna have to hurt people.
You’re with ME now,” his grip tightens and I gasp involuntarily.
“Davis,” Jack drawls menacingly. “’Paul’. I’ve seen the way
he looks at you.”
Civilised? I may have to settle for not actively homicidal.
It’s not healthy to be possessive or jealous. It’s NOT exciting
me at all that he feels so powerfully. Not all. Really.
How does he look at me? I haven’t seen anything. “Um,
Jack?” I say weakly. “I think YOU need to redefine
blush and mumble into the warm hollow on his shoulder.
said I’ve kissed a man. Well, not a man. You. F-four
times now,” I add, in case it helps. It doesn’t. Jack’s
face freezes and he whines piteously into my shoulder. “What?” I
ask, in case I didn’t hear correctly.
prayed to God to give me strength,” Jack says grimly.
I heard correctly. I gaze up into his beautiful velvety brown
eyes, alight with rueful warmth and tenderness. “I’m willing,
though,” I encourage him.
nothing easy about you, Daniel. Nothing at all.”
see the smile Jack is striving unavailingly to hide from me.
shoulda known,” he sighs, eyeing my mouth hungrily before nibbling his
way across my jaw and around to a spot on my throat that makes me
whimper when he laps at it like a cat at a bowl of cream. I think
he’s purring with satisfaction too.
isn’t the only one with needs. I slide my hands along his flanks,
gratified when Jack hisses his pleasure and arches into my touch.
He’s lean, solid muscle, every part of him taut and flat. So
strong. So solid and reassuringly heavy upon me. I wish
he’d move against me again. He felt so good, and it’s been so
I whisper, my hands and legs clutching at him urgently, begging him to
love me. “Please, Jack?”
want to be inside you,” he remonstrates. “So let’s take it easy,
want you too. I’m not a child, Jack. I may not have loved
this way, but I want to. With you,” I argue.
considers this thoughtfully, searching my face for a very long
time. Eventually he nods and leaps up to burrow frantically
through his discarded clothing, emerging abruptly, flourishing a tube
of something. Sunblock? Lubrication. O-oh.
chuckles malevolently. “It’s absolutely ridiculous. How the
hell did I wind up being seduced by you? You’re a virgin, for
Chrissake. It’s not fair, you know. I won’t be able to
blame you for leading me astray, ‘cause technically, I’m leading you
astray. Any minute now.”
Jack’s hand is on my – on ME. “O-OH oh oh God.” Assured,
stroking me confidently. Wonderful. He feels SO -
“JACK! God,” I scream into my stifling hand, arching off the bed as
Jack’s mouth replaces his hand. I struggle against the dizzying
waves of pleasure to sit up, to see my colonel do this for me.
It’s unbearably erotic, watching him and feeling him love me.
Watching him open up to me, battering down every defence of his that
kept us apart as he gently seduces me free of mine. I fight
myself to quietude, want simply to feel Jack overwhelm my senses, even
as he takes all of me into him, takes me beyond my control.
Climax slams through me into him, Jack slowly drinking me in, as my
vision and balance waver.
quite a while before I come back to myself, shaking like a leaf in his
arms; his firm, steady hands and voice soothing me.
I gasp. It was selfish to – he might not have wanted me – “I
sh-should have warned you. It’s been so long.”
firm hand tilts my chin and Jack’s tongue plunges into my mouth once
more, a salt-bitter tang I gradually realise is me. When he
releases me, Jack is smiling.
dog. OLD trick.”
not old. You’re beautiful to me and I love you,” I sigh as I
twine my fingers into his hair. “I want you.”
gasps as I writhe suggestively against him. “Whoa! Where
did THAT come from?”
Shy,” Jack growls approvingly. “Is that normal?” Jack tugs gently
on ‘that’. I thoroughly approve, and curl my hand over his
encouragingly, which makes him chuckle.
– it’s you,” I confess. “The way I feel for you.”
goes still. For once he seems a little uncertain. “I do
this to you?”
just stopped!” I complain, nudging a tormenting hand back to what it
was so pleasurably engaged on. “Oh, yes. Mmm.”
Jack murmurs, as he thoroughly and confidently explores every inch of a
part of me not touched in so long I’d almost given up on it, and quite
a few new parts I didn’t realise I had. I’m moaning steadily now,
which seems to fill Jack with quiet satisfaction. He in turn is
electrifying me, thrills of ecstasy coursing through my veins with
every caress, coming faster and faster until I’m falling for him,
convulsing wildly, sobbing my release into his waiting mouth.
kid. I love you too,” he assures me over and over, calming me
a little embarrassed. I’m not usually like this. Um –
insatiable. I’m sure when I get used to making love with him, I
won’t be so, well, excitable. I’ll get used to how sexy and
desirable Jack is, how good he makes me feel and I won’t be insisting
he makes me feel this good every chance we get. Pretty sure I’ll
calm down. It’s possible. Really.
seriously do this to you?” Jack is torn between smug and
scared. “I’m forty five, you know.”
don’t like to be rushed,” I assure him, snuggling into some warm, spice
scented skin and doing a little gentle nibbling myself.
never done it before, so we’ll table a final decision until you’ve some
first hand experience to draw on.” Jack clears his throat.
“Sexy?” he queries with studied casualness. “Specifically?” he clearly
invites constructive criticism.
eyes. Um. Hair,” I’m pretty insistent on that one.
and mostly YOUR fault,” he adds meanly.
That’s not entirely accurate. “Hot,” I confess, flushing.
“Especially with the sunglasses.”
Jack thoughtfully flags that information, hopefully to be used against
me at the appropriate time.
nod, guiltily. I’m a little obsessive on the subject.
Jack’s sunglasses do terrible things to me. Wonderful things, now
I can act on them. “Weren’t we supposed to be making love?” I
already got a two point lead, so let’s not get snippy. You said
you didn’t like to be rushed.”
lied. I want you.”
going to be the death of me,” Jack groans.
still want you, and I promise I’ll send you off with a big smile.”
too OLD for this sort of sex life,” Jack complains unconvincingly as
his hands roam possessively up and down the length of my body, making
want you NOW.”
was MARRIED. We’re talking once or twice a week. In a good
week.” Jack chooses to punctuate this by slipping a finger very
gently inside me.
can kiss me if you like,” Jack offers graciously. “Take your mind
off what’s coming,” he teases. “Pun intended. Not that my
lips appear to make your top ten or anyth – Mmmph.”
LIKE. I snatch him down to me and kiss him madly, banging our
noses together quite painfully. My depth perception isn’t perfect
when I’ve got my glasses off. Jack snorts with laughter then
succumbs to some fairly resourceful suction on my part, apparently
reassured his lips do indeed make the grade.
more than aware of the finger inside me – fingers now – because every
time I relax into the staggering sensations Jack is arousing inside me
with those delicate thrusts, he scrapes a spot inside me that turns me
to flame and has me clawing at his back until I stop shaking.
I gotta pull out all the stops every half hour or so, just to take the
edge off for you,” Jack teases, “doesn’t leave much time for hockey.”
cares! Not I! Jack. NOW!” I beg, plead, demand,
Jack capitulates, rolling so I’m on top of him, then sitting us both
up. I straddle Jack as he spreads his legs and gets balanced to
take my weight. I wrap my arms around him, glad I can see him,
hold him, kiss him. “Ready, Danny?” His eyes search mine
until he’s sure I want this too, then he lifts me into position over
his straining shaft. I slowly settle my weight onto him, feel his
hands firm at my hips, steadying me as I take him into me and ease
myself down. We’re both trembling, eyes wide and dazed as I sink
slowly down upon him, until the solid depth and reality of his love
fills me as completely as he fills me physically. Jack is flushed
and sweat soaked, fingers dancing over my face, tangling in my hair;
waiting, hanging on to the last shreds of his self-control until I’m
ready for him. I stretch out my legs behind Jack and hook them
around his back as he thrusts up into me. I clamp my lips to his,
moaning as he seems to reach my heart, he’s so deep inside me.
Shattering us and building us anew with every gentle rock and thrust we
I have you, I’ll never let you go,” I breathe into his mouth
“You’re mine. Mine. MINE. JAAAAAAACK!” I slump
against his chest, devastated by the intensity and generosity of his
insistent possession. “Love – “
– “ Jack echoes.
have to go,” Jack mourns, pulling me closer. “God, I hate to
leave you but I can’t stay. Jacob will be here for the briefing
and we gate out to the mothership directly after. God knows when
we’ll be together like this again. They got no doors on Vorash.”
know,” I reassure him. “I understand. It’s okay,
Jack. Really.” I understand the need for discretion; I want
to protect his reputation. There have been many occasions when
Jack has stayed in my room much later than this, but those were
occasions when I wasn’t destruct testing his willpower.
not okay. I’m in love with you. Y’know?” Jack fearlessly
confesses to the washbasin.
I ask innocently. “I LIKE shy.”
soft eyes widen as I deliberately rock my hips against his.
“You’re going to kill me,” he groans theatrically.
going to do my damndest,” I promise him gravely.
about ON the ship? I’m the ranking officer. I get the master
bedroom. You wanna make –“
don’t even know what I was going to say,” Jack plays the wounded
solider card, all sad eyes and bowed shoulders.
do. The answer is no. We are not having sex in Cronus’ bed.”
willing to put money on that?” Jack’s eyes are snapping with amusement
shake my head, sadly. He’ll have his way, this man I love.
I’ll have my hands full with him. I can’t wait.
love you, Jack.”
first time I said those words to Jack, I drove him from my side.
Now he can’t tear himself away from them or from me. It’s as if
we had to come full circle before we could move on. Together.
Feedback makes the difference between writing
and posting; please contact me at email@example.com